College Student Tells Divorced Parents She Wants to End Shared Holidays. Then They Lash Out at Supportive Stepmom

The stepmom shared her story of pursuing a peaceful, pleasant holiday on Reddit

A stepmom is caught in the middle of an awkward holiday dynamic.

The 36-year-old turned to Reddit for advice on how to avoid yet another polite holiday with her husband's ex-wife, with whom he shares a daughter.

"I (36f) have been with my husband Jake (47m) for 6 years, married for 4. He has a daughter, Jenna (19f) with his ex wife Susan," the woman writes on Reddit's r/AITAH.

The stepmom explains that Jake and Susan's relationship was troubled throughout the pregnancy with Jenna, and the couple ultimately separated, divorcing before their daughter turned 2. While they've been able to amicably co-parent since, they aren't "friendly" with each other.

"They’re cordial for Jenna and polite to one another but they never just chat for the sake of it and there is zero warmth in any of their interactions," she notes.

"Despite this, they both agreed that they never wanted their daughter to have to choose between them for the big holidays and so they’ve been spending every Thanksgiving and Christmas together for the last 19 years, with me joining the last four."

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While the arrangement has worked out for them, it's not really enjoyable for anyone involved, the woman says.

"It’s… fine. It’s very awkward and feels like something everyone is just trying to get through but it’s uneventful. There’s no drama or anything crazy but it’s not fun or festive either," she explains.

With Jenna recently going off to college, OP figured the tradition might come to an end. Recently, however, her husband said he wanted to keep things "normal" for the 19-year-old as she comes home for the holidays from college for the first time.

The arrangement is supposed to be for Jenna's benefit, but the stepmom points out that she's not exactly a fan of it either.

"I’m pretty close with Jenna and last year, after we left Susan’s on Christmas Day, Jenna texted me joking about how dull the evening was and then said she didn’t know why they were still keeping this up. And I was like PLEASE tell your dad because he’s going to insist on it for your sake until you do," she writes. "And she said she would and we started talking about other things and it didn’t come up again until this year."

This year, Jenna's spending Thanksgiving with a friend. When she started talking to the family about Christmas plans, she reiterated how she felt to her stepmom.

"I encouraged her again to tell her dad how she felt," she says. "She brought it up with both of her parents and said she would do Christmas Eve with one and Christmas [Day] with the other. Great."

Everything was fine until Jenna mentioned her stepmom's support to Susan, who felt the woman " 'manipulated' Jenna to get what I want," she writes.

"I did want this but I don't feel I manipulated anyone," the woman says, noting Susan took the situation to Jake, who was "not quite but almost agreeing with [Susan]."

This has left the stepmom second-guessing herself, leading her to ask Reddit for advice. Many commenters feel like she is being scapegoated in the situation.

"Jenna made it clear that she wasn’t enjoying this and she herself came up with the solution. You just supported her. It sounds like this went on too long for anyone to be comfortable and like you’ve all missed out on festive holidays as a result," one commenter notes.

Many people suggest that since the conversations with Jenna happened over text, the stepmom should show her husband to set the record straight.

Another commenter adds, "The mother is making you into a scapegoat. And that's not fair. You were the safe space Jenna needed to finally communicate what she needed to about the holidays. Her parents weren't. That's not your fault."