A Clinical Psychologist on Managing Your Mental Health amid Reports of Male Violence
Yesterday, news headlines and newsfeeds were filled with pictures of a smiling young woman. Pictures of Ashling Murphy, a 23-year-old teacher and folk musician from county Offaly in Ireland's midlands.
On social media, the same refrain was echoed among the thousands of posts: 'She was only going for a run'.
Ashling was killed on the banks of the Grand Canal in the Cappincur area of Tullamore at approximately 4pm on Wednesday 12 January. It's believed that Aisling was out for a run at the time of the attack.
While a male suspect arrested in connection with Aisling's death has since been released, the Irish police - the Gardaí - understand she was killed by a man.
The news reports, tributes and outpourings of rage make for difficult, heavy reading.
Not least for women who regularly run to improve their mental and physical health (and who rightly expect to be able to do so without being subject to harassment, assault or murder).
Male Violence + Mental Health: A Psychologist on the Connection
This story follows grimly similar cases of women being murdered, in public, by men: Sabina Nessa, Bibaa Henry, Nicole Smallman, Sarah Everard.
Before Ashling, their was Sabina Nessa. The 28-year-old, a daughter, sister and teacher, was killed as she walked to meet a friend in the suburbs of south-east London on Friday last week. Her journey should have taken 5 minutes.
Sisters Nicole Smallman and Bibaa Henry were senselessly murdered in a park in 2020, by a 19-year-old man.
If you're struggling with how these stories are making you feel, clinical psychologist Dr Emma Svanberg wants you know that this is a very human reaction.
The reality is, you are living in a time of hyper-visible violence being committed against people of marginalised genders. Compounding this is a baseline emotional state that is likely shakey, thanks to Covid-era uncertainty.
'For women, there has been an increase in a sense of threat which has almost come alongside a year and a half of threat and constant stress from the pandemic – starting back with #MeToo, then [the murder of] Sarah Everard.'
'The Plymouth shootings in August, meanwhile, got us thinking about incels and this group of men who want to harm women,' adds Dr Swanberg.
In the Sabina case, racial issues feel apparent, too. 'There is an added grief which is that the initial news response [to the death of Sabina, who was British-Bangladeshi] was so much lower than it was for Sarah Everard. There are many layers which are colliding to leave women, and particularly Black and Brown women, feeling more unsafe,' she adds.
While the onus should never be on women to protect themselves from male violence, recent cases have been especially destabilising, due to the fact that they represent evidence of women taking 'safety steps' to protect themselves – to no avail.
Ashling was jogging, before nightfall, in a place that was commonly used for exercise. Sabina was out early at 8.30pm; the venue she was heading to was minutes from her home.
Male Violence + Mental Health: Can Joining System Change Groups Help with Processing?
The situation is bleak. In 2020, violence against women increased (according to a report from domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid, 61% of those living with their abuser during lockdown said that abuse had escalated; calls to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline surged by 80% in June 2020). Justice seems elusive: The rate of convictions for assaults on women remains excruciatingly low.
So, how do we try and live with what is going on, without hiding from its hideous reality?
'You might want to take steps like minimising your news and social media consumption,' says Dr Svanberg. 'But I think, for a lot of women, there has been this shift where it's not so much about minimising our natural adrenalin response, but being galvanished by it to campaign for systemic change.
'Not everyone is going to want to do that, and that's, of course, fine, but for those that do there are campaigns like Reclaim These Streets, as well as reading about what people are doing in education to prevent these things from happening in the longer term. That can help us to feel like we can feel like we are doing something productive with our real, valid anxiety.'
It can also help, from a mental health perspective, she says, to talk to other women about their experiences – and share yours.
Attending memorials and vigils, too, can help. 'Events such as these create a sense of safety and community. We can feel isolated [at times like these] so anything that brings us into a sense of safe space can counter that response,' says Dr Svanberg.
Other ways to protect your mental health
If, however, your adrenalin response is overloaded and you feel very anxious, before any of the above, creating a feeling of safety in your body might be useful. Try the below to help to bring down your adrenalin levels and to soothe yourself, in the present moment.
1. Physical grounding
When you might feel a lack of safety in your own body, due to a triggering case, physical grounding techniques can be helpful. 'If you are safe in your home, find a time when you can be alone. Place your feet on the floor, focusing on the sensation. Lift your toes and plant them slowly down and feel that connection. You could also hug your own body, get under a heavy, warm blanket or use your senses - name something you can touch, smell and see, to ground yourself in the here and now.'
2. Breathing techniques
Any technique where you take a long inhale through the nose and a longer exhale through the mouth, really focusing on that exhale, can take you out of fight or flight and into rest and digest. 'When you do this, your body is reminded that it is in a place of safety,' Dr Svanberg explains.
3. Be kind to yourself
'I know this is such as a cliche, but this is a hard time these are hard stories to read. Ask yourself: what do you need to do to feel some warmth and kindness in this time?'
4. Seek professional help
A longer term strategy, but, as ever, you might find it helpful to talk to someone if anxiety is stopping you from being able to live your life. (You can find out more about accessing talking therapies on the NHS, here.)
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