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The cine files! Your weekly blockbuster breakdown

 (Film handout)
(Film handout)

Scream VI

Scream VI (Film handout)
Scream VI (Film handout)

Scream if you want it to stop. Scream louder if you don’t. Good news for horror and NYC fans, now Courteney Cox (yes, she’s still bloody in it!) et al are heading to the Big Apple for the ritual slaughter.

Out 10 March

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Adam Driver is back in space, not as Kylo Ren but an astronaut who crashes on a planet to discover it teeming with lethal dinosaurs. Quality star + wham-bam B-movie action = box office moolah? Sony was reportedly still testing two versions of the film last month, so we hope the right one was picked.

Out 10 March

Meet Me in the Bathroom

It’s named after a Strokes song, so why are there way more Moldy Peaches than Julian Casablancas in this scattergun doc about the post-9/11 New York music scene? Archive concert footage might trigger a nostalgic mini-rush but you’ll probably be left wanting more (and not in that wide-eyed encore-fever way at the end of a mind-blowing gig).

Out 10 March

My Sailor, My Love

Elderly folk falling for each other makes for touching cinema. As it does here in this beautifully moving drama when a retired Irish sea captain - and quite the old git - finds love with his new housekeeper. Shame he didn’t show the same affection to his troubled daughter, the darkly devastating thorn in romance’s side…

Out 10 March

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

That title is just dripping with promise. However, this mega-low-budget slasher following Pooh and Piglet as they butcher a cabin full of women is probably only for the curious. What next, Peter Rabbit Rips Your Face Off?

Out 10 March

Lunana: A Yak in the Classroom

I got a yak in my classroom, what I’m a gonna do? If you’re Bhutanese, you make this glacially placid Oscar nominee about a teacher who wants to pursue his musical ambitions in Australia but ends up being taught a lesson about gross national happiness in a remote Himalayan village.

Out 10 March

Champions (Shauna Townley/Focus Features)
Champions (Shauna Townley/Focus Features)

THE WE LOVE WOODY FILM

Yay, Captain Congenial is back! I never don’t look forward to anything with adorable ol’ Woody Harrelson in it.

Indeed he is, in directed by Bobby Farrelly. Remember him?

The guy who made , with Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels acting really, er, dumb?

Exactly. Well in this, Woody plays a basketball coach who reluctantly agrees to train a team with intellectual disabilities, all of whom are played by actors with Down’s syndrome and other conditions.

Whoa! I’m wincing already! This could go terribly wrong. Please, tell me this treads the right side of nice, PC and kind.

I winced too! I … But phew! Relax… It’s still quite an unsophisticated comedy but it’s affectionate and caring.

That’s a blessed relief. And Woody is good value as usual?

His is a far from a stellar performance. In fact, most of the joy comes from the rest of the cast running rings around Woody with their disarming wit and quirks.

Anything else I’ll like about it?

You’re a Nineties kid, so the soundtrack could well have you bounding out of the cinema singing, ‘I get knocked down!’ and ‘You’re unbelievable!’…

In cinemas from 10 Mar

The Stroll (The Stroll, Kristen Lovell, courtesy of BFI Flare)
The Stroll (The Stroll, Kristen Lovell, courtesy of BFI Flare)

QUEER CINEMA SHOWS ITS FLARE

If you want to see films before they are released, or ones that might not appear on a huge screen ever again, film festivals are your happy place. And if it’s queer movie-making, the BFI Flare film festival is your ultimate golden ticket.

Running from 15 to 26 March at BFI Southbank, this is the event to witness the best of new LGBTQIA+ cinema. Highlights include The Stroll documentary, the definitive story of trans women of colour in New York’s Meatpacking District at the turn of the millennia, and Drifter, which follows a young man’s wild sexual coming of age in Berlin.

15-26 March, BFI Southbank, SE1 (bfi.org.uk)