Cheer Up a Friend With These Easy Tips From Mental Health Professionals
Chances are, you have gone through a time of low mood, or even depression. Grief and loss, stress, physical changes, chemical imbalances—and even seasonal changes can lead to a dip in your mental health. So, when you see a friend going through a hard time, it’s natural to want to be there for them. But making sure you’re supporting them in the right way can feel like a lot of pressure.
Meet the Experts: Suzette Bray L.M.F.T., Licensed Psychotherapist in California; Colleen Marshall, MA, L.M.F.T., Chief Clinical Officer for Two Chairs; Dr. Saba Afzal, Psychiatrist and Assistant Professor, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Health at Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine.
After talking to several mental health professionals, we realized one very important thing: the solution can be easier than we thought. “The best way to cheer someone up is simply validating their experience,” says Suzette Bray L.M.F.T., a licensed psychotherapist in California. “You don’t need to solve their problem or drag them into fake happiness; just acknowledging that it’s a tough time can help people feel seen and understood.” Whether it’s a family member, friend, colleague, or yourself, listening is a great place to start.
How to tell if a friend needs cheering up?
It’s not always obvious if someone is going through a hard time. If you’re unsure if your friend could use a boost, Dr. Saba Afzal, Psychiatrist and Professor, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Health at Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine warns us that there are some telltale signs to watch out for:
Loss of interest in things they used to love. If your friend has suddenly stopped participating in their favorite activities, it’s worth noting.
Change in appetite. Overeating or barely eating at all can both be indicators of low mood.
Change in sleep. Similarly, if your friend is suddenly sleeping the day away or struggling with difficulty falling asleep, and even insomnia, chances are their mood is to blame.
Social withdrawal. Canceling plans on occasion is completely normal, but if your friend has suddenly withdrawn to the point of isolation, a low mood could be responsible.
Constant fatigue. Low mood can be physically draining, which can make it harder to concentrate, keep plans, or go to work.
Irritability. People with low moods can be quicker to anger, even over something that might seem trivial.
Engaging in reckless behavior. Overuse of alcohol, drugs, or other self-harming behavior is a significant red flag when it comes to low mood and depression.
If your friend is exhibiting these behaviors, they are likely experiencing low mood or even depression. So, how can you help? Afzal says a great place to start is just reaching out.
9 ways to cheer someone up and lift up their mood
1. Ask what’s on their mind.
A great first step is encouraging them to talk, Afzal says. A casual, “How are you feeling?” or “Do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?” might be the push they need to start talking about what’s weighing them down.
2. Plan a low-key hang.
“When you feel like a grumpy bear who just wants to hibernate, socializing sounds exhausting,” says Bray. But isolation can make things worse. “Just being around another human can sometimes remind them that they’re not alone in the world, even when they feel disconnected.” Even if they’re not ready to talk, they could probably use some company, she says.
The key to this kind of socialization is making sure they don’t feel pressure or expectations. Maybe that’s asking them to go grab coffee, or maybe it’s catching up on a recent Netflix show. Sometimes, just sitting with them can be enough.
3. Be an accountability buddy.
Take your low-pressure hang to the next level: socialize with a productive agenda. Coming over to watch your friend put in loads of laundry or taking them grocery shopping might not sound like that much fun, but it can be really effective. “Routine can act as a grounding force when everything else feels foggy,” says Bray, so helping them get back into the swing of things is a great way to help lift their mood—with longer-lasting effects. “Maybe you text each other reminders in the morning, or suggest doing tasks at the same time,” Bray adds.
4. Go on a walk.
According to a recent study, walking in nature has scientifically proven to lessen the effects of depression and anxiety. Low-intensity physical activity can be a great mood booster because it releases endorphins, which increase feelings of well-being. If they’re feeling up to it, Dr. Afaz recommends gentle stretching or even a yoga routine, which has the dual benefits of releasing muscle tension and relaxing your mind.
5. Gift them a light box.
Seasonal depression affects nearly 5% of the population and lasts up to 40% of the year. So, if you've noticed your friend needs some extra mood-boosting during the winter months, SAD might be to blame. Luckily, since this dip is directly correlated to lack of sunlight hours, there is a tangible fix. Bray says using a UV light box for light therapy can really help. “Those little light therapy boxes can work wonders.”
6. Gift them anything, honestly.
Afaz recommends gifting something small and personal to remind your friend you’re thinking of them. “Send them an uplifting heartfelt message,” she suggests. “A thoughtful gesture such as a handwritten note can show you are thinking of them.” If a note feels too cheesy to you, there are endless options. “Schedule a workout session, spa appointment, cook, or bring them a meal,” she continues. This can be particularly effective, “especially if they are feeling too low to take care of themselves.”
7. Celebrate their small wins.
When moods are low, “even simple tasks like getting out of bed or answering a text can feel like a Herculean effort,” says Bray. “‘Hey, you got out of bed and made coffee! You’re doing great!’” might sound silly, but when someone feels overwhelmed, these little moments of encouragement can keep them going.” If your friend’s love language is words of affirmation, this can be particularly helpful.
8. Try a new activity.
“When someone is depressed or in a low mood, helping them engage in pleasurable or achievement-oriented activities can help,” says Colleen Marshall, M.A., L.M.F.T., Chief Clinical Officer for Two Chairs. Support your friend by trying something they’ve always wanted to—maybe it’s finally time to go to that trivia night or learn how to knit). Whether you’re doing it together or just helping them go at it alone, "it can be helpful to shift their focus away from their sadness,” she says.
9. Be kind and patient.
Low moods can be persistent and take time to pass, but that doesn’t mean you’re not helping. “Sometimes being a soft place to land is enough,” Bray tells us. “Even if you don’t see the immediate results, know that your efforts are likely helping more than you realize.”
Like all things, consistency is key. “The best thing you can do is be there,” she says. “Keep offering love, empathy, and patience.” Small efforts can add up and really make a difference.
What to avoid when cheering someone up?
Cheering someone up isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation, and it will require some experimentation. However, if there’s one thing all our experts agreed on, it was to avoid invalidating their feelings.
First, try to avoid toxic positivity. It can be really tempting to tell a friend who is feeling sad to look on the bright side, but it can feel like a dismissal. Instead, Afzal recommends you consider saying: “I believe you can get through this, even though it’s really difficult now.”
Similarly, it’s also important not to compare their experience to your own or someone else’s who “has it worse.” When it comes to feelings, there’s no such thing. “This dismissal of their feelings may make them feel like they shouldn’t open up to anyone again,” Afzal explains. It can also make them feel trivialized or even guilty for expressing their sadness—which is the opposite of cheering them up!
Marshall warns also not to try and fix things. If your instinct is to come up with solutions, it might not be received well. Cheering someone up “is less about forcing them into joy and more about offering consistent, gentle support,” Bray explains. Fixing can put undue pressure on your friend and actually increase feelings of sadness. So, what should you do instead? “Be with them, listen, and suggest options for them to consider,” Marshall says.
Know when to step back. When dealing with friends in low moods, it’s important to give them the space they need. A gentle push might help in getting them back into their routines or getting out of the house, but there will be times where they don’t feel up to it. And that’s okay, too. Pushing too hard can cause irritability or make them feel worse about their inability to do something.
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