The burnt toast theory promises everything happens for a reason. Adopting it could change your life
Picture this: You’re swinging by your favourite coffee shop to grab a matcha. Unfortunately, as soon as you pick up the drink, you end up spilling it on the floor. So, you have to wait for a new one… in a very long, busy line. While you’re waiting for your drink, though, you lock eyes with someone super cute who just ordered, and find yourselves chatting while you wait for your drinks. You end up leaving that coffee shop not only with a fresh drink, but also a phone number. As it turns out, that minor inconvenience led to something pretty great.
This is a prime example of the 'Burnt Toast Theory' on TikTok, which currently boasts over 17 million views. The theory argues that a small snag in your day might actually be preventing you from an even worse outcome—or bringing you to a better one. 'The theory here is that everything happens for the best, [and also in a way] that’s beyond your control,' says Yasmine Saad, PhD, a licensed clinical psychotherapist based in New York City. 'So even though [something] seems like a problem now, it’s actually working out for you for a reason that you can’t see yet.'
The theory’s origins are unknown, but it’s made the rounds on TikTok and other social media platforms since at least 2023. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it’s based on a hypothetical about literal burnt toast. In this example, you accidentally burn your morning toast, forcing you to make a new one and wasting ten whole minutes. As irritating as this is, though, you later learn that an accident happened on down the street during that ten-minute window. That burnt toast wasn’t a minor inconvenience after all: It just might have saved your life.
The burnt toast theory challenges you to see the best in every situation—and, in fact, there are a lot of benefits to buying into this logic. Studies have indicated that those who look at the brighter side of things have reduced anxiety and increased resilience, and this mindset is even linked to lower mortality rates.
That said, learning to think this way can be incredibly challenging, especially if you’re just not a very optimistic person. 'We’re naturally inclined to think negatively, because our brains believe that by thinking about the worst-case scenario and planning for it, it’s protecting us,' says Saad. 'So, it really does take some effort to switch your mindset to the belief that everything is working out to your benefit.'
So, is there any truth to the burnt toast theory overall, and can you actually train your brain to think more positively? Psychologists break it all down below.
The burnt toast theory is all about mindset.
Sure, the burnt toast theory might sound a little far-fetched at first: Not every small inconvenience is going to save your life, or bring you your next dream job. But there is truth to the idea that focusing on the positive effects of life’s 'burnt toast' can help your general mood and outlook, and also allow you to stay calm enough to find solutions in difficult situations.
In this way, the burnt toast theory is similar to other popular positive psychology concepts about looking on the bright side, like the ‘let them theory’ (which suggests giving up control over the people around you in order for you to be a happier person), or the law of attraction (which says that by changing your beliefs and thoughts, you can actually manifest positive things into your existence). These theories all basically boil down to the belief that everything happens for a reason.
'In manifestation these days, a big belief that’s been coming up often is that your thoughts create your reality,' says Saad. There’s a lot of research backing up the truth behind this: Saad points to a 2021 study that suggests people who are more positive also end up becoming more proactive. People who tend to see the glass half-full look for ways in which things are working out for them, and so in that regard, they’re more likely to find them.
Say you wanted a big promotion at work, but you find out later that the budget has been cut, so you won’t be receiving it. There is a positive way and a negative way to approach this situation, says licensed clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD. On the negative side, you could fixate on it, which might just keep making you angry, and therefore affect your mental well-being and work performance (and also, subsequently, affect your chance at a future promotion). On the positive side of things, though, you could potentially look at this as a sign to ask your network about new job opportunities, peek around on LinkedIn, and stay mindful of the new business connections you make.
'You will thereby create your reality based on what you choose to believe about your situation, all because the positive beliefs make you more proactive,' says Carmichael. In that way, looking at the positive in every situation can bring about huge benefits. While the above example might not be exactly the same as a slice of 'burnt toast' (after all, losing out on a promotion isn’t a minor inconvenience), utilising this theory can help you practice more optimism when situations such as these come up—and thus, affect your future circumstances.
Of course, some setbacks might call for grief or anger—and that’s okay, too.
It’s very important to note, though, that this theory doesn’t mean that you just put on a pair of rose-colored glasses and ignore the (very real!) feelings of stress, anger, and worry that may come up when something truly terrible happens to you. After all, acknowledging your feelings is a key aspect of emotional intelligence, and there are definitely situations in your life (think: a breakup or divorce, a time of financial distress, or the death of a loved one) that involve you giving yourself the grace to feel your feelings and acknowledge them.
'Adopting a positive mindset is helpful and oftentimes a useful approach in one's life. However, there may be times when it is not appropriate,' says Michele Tugade, PhD, a psychology professor and researcher at Vassar College. 'It’s important that an individual processes the emotions (such as grief and sadness) that come up in these difficult situations, because acknowledging and feeling them are the first steps to moving past them.'
These kinds of traumas or tragedies aren’t simply slight inconveniences like burnt toast, and so forcing yourself to push through them too early might actually be worse for you in the long run, adds Tugade. 'In those cases, you need to deal with them as best you can, by getting support and secondary help,' she adds. 'However, when you’re ready, what a positive mindset can do is provide the person feeling sadness or grief with a momentary break so that one can replenish the personal resources that have been depleted from the event.'
While you can still try to find positives in traumatic or genuinely upsetting situations, the burnt toast theory specifically can help you build resilience and tackle your life more easily when it comes to smaller let-downs and annoyances. 'I would say the burnt toast theory definitely makes sense for minor issues like late trains or canceled flights, but I wouldn’t go so far as to use it for everything,' adds Carmichael. 'In more serious cases, it may not be the most appropriate.'
When it comes to the small stuff, this theory can help you build optimism and resilience.
Aside from allowing you to be more proactive in your life, utilizing the burnt toast theory on a day-to-day basis can bring several other positive benefits that have absolutely nothing to do with the greater purpose that minor inconvenience may have in mind for you. 'People who are more positive are generally just healthier and happier individuals than people who aren’t,' says Carmichael.
Research shows that this theory relies on optimism, and that optimistic people tend to have less stress, are more resilient and solution-oriented, and even report less anxiety and fewer physical symptoms of illness. 'Looking at the positive really affects your entire quality of life,' says Tugade, who has researched optimism herself. 'Our findings show that adopting a more positive mindset, where they look at setbacks as opportunities, helps people achieve resilience [or physiological recovery from stress] significantly faster than those who take on a mindset that isn’t oriented to solutions.' In other words, these people bounce back from stress faster, and optimism also helps them push through when things aren’t going their way.
Another way that having optimism can benefit your life is that, in time, your confidence increases. 'When you have gone through a burnt toast moment and come out of it better and happier on the other side, it reinforces the belief that burnt toast moments aren’t all that bad, and that you can actually learn and grow from them,' says Saad. In other words, you now start believing that you can overcome bad situations because you have in the past—and this makes you more confident that you’ll be able to deal just fine when more such instances occur. 'You’re no longer crippled by negative circumstances like you might have been in the past,' Saad adds.
So, by looking at that burnt toast as a blessing (or opportunity) in disguise, you end up being healthier physically and mentally, get more confident, and are able to bounce back from negative situations much quicker. Maybe that smoky kitchen is trying to tell you something.
If you’re struggling to see burnt toast as anything more than, well, burnt toast, it’s possible to shift your mindset.
While the burnt toast theory sounds great in, well, theory, it can be really hard to look at the bright side of things… especially when you’re not used to it. 'A lot of times, you’re just conditioned to look at the negative, especially if you grew up in a household or were surrounded by people who tended to think that way,' adds Carmichael.
There is also research that suggests people are more biologically inclined to look at the negative (a phenomenon known as the negativity bias). This is because back in the day, in order to protect themselves from, say, getting eaten by lions, human beings had to focus all their energy on their fears. The thing is, you’re not running away from lions anymore—and so, focusing on the negative isn’t serving you.
'Even though many people tend to focus on the negative aspects of their lives, there’s definitely a way to train your brain to be more mindful and focus on the positive: It’s all about technique and consistent practices every single day,' says Saad. Here are some tried-and-tested tips the experts use with their clients to help them focus on the positive in every situation.
1. Take a few deep breaths.
It’s simple, but effective: Taking a few deep breaths has been proven to reset your nervous system, which will then calm you down enough to realise that this annoyance isn’t the worst thing in the world. 'When your mind is racing and you’re stressed, it’s very easy to jump to the worst-case scenario,' says Carmichael. 'So, just remembering to breathe is the first step to feeling better about your situation.'
2. Write down a list of times you’ve seen this theory in practice.
As human beings, we tend to look at the past as proof for our future. Think about it: How many times have you looked twice at a street corner where you once tripped, just to make sure it doesn’t happen again? So, the best way to believe that initial inconveniences are actually positive experiences in the long run is to create a list: Write down the instances that you may have thought were working against you at the time, but later realized they were actually working for you the whole time.
'You can then pull out this list for future burnt toast instances, and this will help you remember that things do work out for you,' says Carmichael. 'It’s a good reminder for when things aren’t going as planned.'
3. Stay objective.
'It can be really hard sometimes to focus on the things you might be learning or ways this unfortunate circumstance is benefiting you because it feels very personal to you,' says Saad. 'Sometimes, the best way to change that perspective is to go objective.'
Saad recommends using third person language to get the hang of objectivity. 'For instance, instead of writing down five things you may have learned from a breakup, write down five things a person might learn from a bad breakup,' she explains. The lessons might be a little more general because they aren’t tailored to your specific situation, but they’ll still help you train your mind to begin to focus more on the positive side—and you’ll eventually be able to see the positive in your own situation, as well.
4. Reach for a friend.
'The biggest mistake I see people make when they have an annoyance is they self-isolate,' says Carmichael. 'That’s the easiest way to dwell on a bad situation, and then you’re down a rabbit hole of the worst-case scenario.' To help mitigate this, Carmichael suggests that you call or text your most positive friend to help snap you out of the situation: After all, sometimes, you just need to hear the words 'It’ll be okay' from a trusted confidante.
Meet the experts: Yasmine Saad, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychotherapist based in New York City. Chloe Carmichael, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Nervous Energy: Harness The Power Of Your Anxiety. Michele Tugade, PhD, is a psychology professor and researcher at Vassar College.
Are your relationships toxic?
More resources for better mental health...
How learning to 'reparent yourself' can improve your mental health
Stroking this animal gives you an instant mental health boost
Cut through the noise and get practical, expert advice, home workouts, easy nutrition and more direct to your inbox. Sign up to the WOMEN'S HEALTH NEWSLETTER
You Might Also Like
