"My boyfriend said his ex's name in his sleep"
Advice columnist Logan Hill gives advice to one reader, who's upset and hurt by something her boyfriend said while he was sleeping.
Q: My boyfriend was half asleep and when I woke him up, he said “I love you Brittany,” which is his ex girlfriend’s name. Normally this would just be a slip up, but there is a little back story involved.
My boyfriend was calling his ex girlfriend probably once a month to check in on her because she had substance abuse issues, which is why they ended up breaking up. This caused a lot of fights between us because he refused to tell her he had a serious girlfriend even though he would talk to her frequently.
Eventually he stopped after a few months of us arguing because it was clear that I was upset about it.
My question is, should I be worried? It seems to me like he wishes he was still with her and I can’t seem to shake this feeling.
A: I understand why this would bother you: It must have freaked you out to hear him say “I love you” to his ex. But it was just a dream. And you can’t sweat a person’s dreams.
I have recurring flying dreams but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sprout wings. A good friend of a friend used to dream-talk to a talking cactus. I don’t think you should worry much about this awkward night-talking. I seriously doubt it’s a sign that he’s hung up on her. It probably just indicates that his messy break-up is rattling around in his subconscious.
I seriously doubt it’s a sign that he’s hung up on her
That said, it matters that you do feel worried and, in some sense, that doesn’t have anything to do with his dreams. So talk to him. Don’t blame or accuse or rage against what he blurted out. Just explain what happened. Tell him you heard him say he loves his ex. Ask him if he remembers the dream. Tell him it confused you. Ask him what he makes of it - and tell him the most important thing, that you can’t shake the feeling that he’s still got feelings for her. Remind him that he’s got to be all-in if he wants to be with you and that you deserve a partner who wants only to be with you, and that, at the very least, you deserve honesty.
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