My boyfriend dumped me because he wasn't over his wife
When Claire*, then 46, fell in love with her boyfriend Alex*, she didn’t realise his heart was still elsewhere.
The first time Alex* and I locked eyes was in 2018, both of us dressed to the nines at a Christmas Ball. He was handsome, with more-pepper-than-salt hair, a short beard and sparkling green eyes. It wasn't until he introduced himself that I noticed he had a speech impediment, a quality of his which I found endearing.
He told me he'd recently left his wife of 10 years. In truth, only one month earlier he'd moved out of the home they shared. It was her drinking, he claimed, that had destroyed their marriage.
Around midnight, Alex accompanied me to my flat and we made out on my dining room table. "That was the most erotic evening ever," he whispered into my ear as I threw him out. One week later, we went on a date and, a month after that, we were a couple.
The first half of 2019 we travelled to Rome and San Francisco, where he met my family and we did a two-week whirlwind tour of California in a black Ford Mustang. Not only did my uncle think we made the perfect couple but, in Los Angeles, a stranger stopped us on the street and told us how beautiful we looked together. When I mentioned to Alex that I'd never had that happen to me before, he replied: "I used to get that all the time with my wife." His comment was a blow to my self-esteem.
Avoiding the marital home
Alex took inspiration from my healthy lifestyle, going on daily 5K runs and eating well. I'd cook him vegan meals to help him quit sugar. We celebrated our November birthdays at a spa.
In March 2020, Alex returned to his marital home after his wife had moved out. It was rundown, devoid of nice furniture and filled with nightmare stories he'd told me about their relationship. It was hard for me to understand why he'd want to live there. I refused to spend the night, let alone have sex inside those four walls.
Alex accompanied me to my flat and we made out on my dining room table. 'That was the most erotic evening ever,' he whispered into my ear.
"Do you want to come back to mine?" I'd ask him hopefully at the end of each evening.
"No, I'm going to sleep here," he'd say. So I'd drive home alone.
Discussing the future
Up until that point, Alex and I had never discussed the L word or said that we loved each other. Although I did love him, I'd always been too nervous to bring it up, out of respect, perhaps, knowing that he was in the midst of his divorce. However, in late June, I insisted that we sit down and talk about our future.
While I saw us moving in together, he did not. I was stunned.
"Where do you see us in a year?" I asked.
It was a question that he was unable to answer. When I got up the courage to tell him how I felt, he couldn't reciprocate. Maybe he just needs more time, I told myself.
While I saw us moving in together, he did not. I was stunned.
But at the start of July, 18 months after we’d got together, Alex showed up at my door, tears flowing down his cheeks.
"I have to break up with you," he sobbed.
I was devastated. "But... why?" I managed to say.
Floods of tears
And for two hours, we sat on my bed while he cried uncontrollably that his leaving had nothing to do with me. It was only afterwards that I realised it was because he wasn't over his wife. The fact that he had cried non-stop only showed how conflicted he was.
Sure, the two of them had been in touch throughout the time we were together. But it was because they were trying to reach a settlement, I assumed. Although it was odd that he always knew where she was and what she was up to. He talked about her a lot, too. Plus, he would become visibly upset each time her name came up when out with friends. In hindsight, it should have been a red flag.
He would become visibly upset each time her name came up when out with friends. In hindsight, it should have been a red flag.
Five months after Alex dumped me, he met someone new and changed his online social media status to 'in a relationship'. Then less than 24 hours later, he clicked to follow me on Facebook. Of course, I thought, as it only reinforced what I'd already suspected: he'll never take the time to grieve and process the end of a relationship. Last month, on my Instagram account, he liked a handful of pics he had taken of me during our trip to California.
Today I’m happily single, going on the occasional date. Yet should I ever meet a man who has yet to finalise his divorce I’ll tell him: "You can call me in a year."
And then maybe – just maybe – I'll let him take me out.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.
