Seven ways birthdays are celebrated - and what your choice says about you

Emma Clarke
·Contributor
·5-min read
Senior businesswoman blowing Birthday candles from a cake while having a party with her colleagues.
The way in which you celebrate your birthday says a lot about you, according to experts. (Getty Images)

Today marks King Charles’ 76th birthday – and to celebrate, the British monarch... worked. Opening a new east London branch of the Coronation Food Project, an initiative which helps distribute surplus food to people living in poverty, Charles was down in Deptford with volunteers of the Felix Project, while the traditional ceremonial gun salutes are fired in Green Park and by the Tower of London.

But for those of us who are not royalty, opting to work on our birthdays isn’t necessarily a novel thing. Some choose to bury themselves in their job, while others choose to spend the day giving back to their community and more still take the day (or week!) to indulge and celebrate themselves.

According to a survey of 309 medical students conducted by the Vilnius University, 90% preferred celebrating with friends, 80% preferred hanging out with family members and a further 49.2% said they preferred other people organising their birthday celebrations for them. Around one-fifth of those asked choose not to celebrate at all.

There is no right or wrong way to spend your big day, of course, but how you spend it can say a lot about who you are as a person and the life stage you are in.

Office holiday party
Working on your birthday is a good way to ensure you're around others on your special day. (Getty Images)

Pre-pandemic, those who did go into the office or workplace on their birthdays were often celebrated by their colleagues (Colin the Caterpillar cake, anyone?). But since hybrid working models have come into effect and working from home has risen in popularity, some of the ceremony has disappeared from the occasion.

According to the Headspace Group, birthdays are also one of the three main days when an unhappy employee is likely to hand in their notice. Why? Because a lot of us take stock of our lives when we reach a year older, and we start to reevaluate various aspects of our lives. As a result, some companies, including Dunelm, Virgin Media and GoCompare, offer employees Birthday Leave on top of their annual holiday allowance.

There are benefits to working on your birthday, though. For example, if the date falls mid-week, you might end up spending your birthday alone if you do decide to take time off. Plus it’s a good way to feel valued by your employers and colleagues if they make a fuss of you. In some instances, it can help to boost your sense of belonging.

According to psychotherapist Eloise Skinner, not only does choosing to work on your birthday demonstrate ambition and drive, it can mean you favour practicality over frivolity. She says the downside, however, is that it could lead to "a blending of a person's identity into their working life."

There is a broader trend of birthday fundraising, donations and community days sweeping the nation. Skinner says spending your birthday this way "might indicate you’re someone who cares deeply for others, and who has a compassionate/empathetic approach to the challenges others face."

While this approach can help you feel connected to your community and the world around you, she says it may also mean that you take less time for self-care, which is just as important.

Those who opt to book the day off show an ability to celebrate themselves. Skinner believes that they are also able to give themselves space, acknowledgement and can create clear boundaries.

"The downside, however, might be that you have a bit of added pressure to make the day perfect (both for oneself and for others who celebrate alongside the individual)," she explains.

Educational psychologist, Dr Patricia Britto, says this reflects a love for adventure, novelty or escape, and may also suggest a desire to mark milestones in a more memorable fashion.

"Traveling can enhance happiness through novel experiences and increased exposure to different cultures, which are linked to personal growth and creativity," she explains.

That said, she also warns that going away on your birthday "can be stressful to plan, expensive, or lonely if not shared with loved ones. Travel stress, especially around coordination, is a documented concern."

Facial care: anti-aging and anti-acne treatments are administered to woman while lying in spa. Profile view
For some, a day at a spa taking care of your own needs is the ideal way to spend a birthday. (Getty Images)

Both Skinner and Dr Britto believe birthday pampering is suggestive of someone in touch with their own needs and who can prioritise self-compassion and self-care.

Dr Britto says: "Pampering activities such as spa visits or relaxation have been linked to reduced cortisol levels and improved psychological wellbeing. But if overly indulgent or solitary, it might lead to guilt or isolation, particularly for individuals who value connection over self-focus."

"This suggests a preference for simplicity, routine, or introverted reflection. This can indicate someone who values meaning over extravagant celebrations," Dr Britto says.

Skinner agrees, adding that the person is probably not as fussed on having lots of attention; they would rather the energy was focused on having a good time than on them. One of the downsides of this, Skinner warns, is that you have an inability to celebrate yourself and your achievements publicly, or allow others to show care and affection.

This could reflect various feelings, suggest Dr Britto, from indifference to dislike for attention or emotional struggles around ageing or self-worth.

"While it removes pressure and expectations – which can be freeing for those who dislike social gatherings – and autonomy in decision-making correlates with mental wellbeing, it can lead to isolation or regret if the decision stems from negative emotions or social withdrawal rather than genuine choice," she explains. "Studies have linked avoidance of social rituals to lower social integration.”

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