Is it really better to have 'loved and lost'? Not according to science

·Contributor, Yahoo Life UK
·3-min read
Scientists have been trying to measure the impact relationship status has on happiness. (Getty Images)
Scientists have been trying to measure the impact relationship status has on happiness. (Getty Images)

After a particularly painful break-up it may be difficult to understand the logic behind Alfred Lord Tennyson’s famous affirmation: “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.

Now scientists have confirmed you’re right to question the famous poet’s wisdom as they’ve uncovered some flaws in his age-old theory.

Turns out those who have never actually loved at all are just as happy as those who have loved, lost and got the break-up scars to prove it.

In an attempt to discover the impact love and marriage could have on happiness, researchers from Michigan State University (MSU) attempted to measure the happiness of married, formerly married and single people at the end of their lives.

Read more: What we want from a romantic partner might not actually reflect what matters to us

“People often think that they need to be married to be happy, so we asked the questions, ‘Do people need to be in a relationship to be happy? Does living single your whole life translate to unhappiness? What about if you were married at some point but it didn't work out?,’” said William Chopik, MSU assistant professor of psychology and co-author of the paper.

“Turns out, staking your happiness on being married isn't a sure bet.”

The study, published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, analysed the relationship histories of 7,532 people from ages 18 to 60 to determine who reported to be happiest at the end of this period.

Researchers discovered that participants fell into one of three groups: 79% were consistently married, spending the majority of their lives in one marriage; 8% were either consistently single, or had spent most of their lives unmarried; and 13% had varied relationship histories, or had consistently moved in and out of relationships, divorce, remarrying or becoming widowed.

Read more: Science says playing hard to get actually works

Turns out those who have never loved are just as happy as those who have loved and lost. (Getty Images)
Turns out those who have never loved are just as happy as those who have loved and lost. (Getty Images)

The team then asked participants to rate overall happiness when they were older adults and compared it with the group into which they fell.

“We were surprised to find that lifelong singles and those who had varied relationship histories didn't differ in how happy they were,” explained Mariah Purol, MSU psychology master's student and co-author.

“This suggests that those who have ‘loved and lost’ are just as happy towards the end of life than those who ‘never loved at all’”.

Study authors pointed out that mental wellbeing doesn’t rest entirely on relationship status.

“When it comes to happiness, whether someone is in a relationship or not is rarely the whole story,” Chopik said.

“People can certainly be in unhappy relationships, and single people derive enjoyment from all sorts of other parts of their lives, like their friendships, hobbies and work.

“In retrospect, if the goal is to find happiness, it seems a little silly that people put so much stock in being partnered.”

Read more: Men who choose a topless picture for their profile get fewer matches on dating apps

While it may seem like the secret to lifelong happiness lies in finding a soul mate to build a life with, this latest research suggests that partnership won’t actually have that much of an impact if a person isn’t entirely happy to begin with.

Equally, sassy and sorted singles are just as likely to remain in a good place whether they find true love or not.

“It seems like it may be less about the marriage and more about the mindset,” Purol said. “If you can find happiness and fulfilment as a single person, you’ll likely hold onto that happiness, whether there's a ring on your finger or not”.

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