How this American moved to Italy and became the country’s ‘first woman rabbi’

When she visited Italy for the first time with her father back in 1975, Rabbi Barbara Aiello, from the United States, remembers thinking, “I’ll live here one day.”

Three decades later she was doing just that.

Now 77, Aiello, originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, relocated to Milan in 2004 and two years later moved to Serrastretta, a village in the southern Italian region of Calabria where her father hailed from.

She went on to marry her second cousin, Enrico, as well as establish “the first and only synagogue in Calabria” in the tiny village located in the province of Catanzaro.

‘Meant to be’

“It feels magical,” Aiello — who is known as Rabbi Barbara — says of her life in Serrastretta, before adding that she believes that this was always her destiny. “There’s a Yiddish word, beshert… It means ‘meant to be.’”

While growing up in Pittsburgh, Aiello, who was the first person in her family to go to college, didn’t venture very far, but loved hearing her father’s tales about his former life in Italy.

“I went to a small state teachers’ college in western Pennsylvania, which was the first trip I made outside of Pittsburgh in my life,” she says “It was only 60 miles away, but to me, it was enormous.”

Reflecting on that initial 1970s visit to Serrastretta, Aiello explains that her main goal was to bring her father back to his hometown for the first time since he’d immigrated to the United States back in 1920s, but she quickly found herself feeling “drawn to be” there.

“The first time I saw the village, I was captivated with its beauty and the warmth of its people,” she tells CNN Travel.

On returning to the US, Aiello focused her energies on her career as a teacher and went on to become a professional puppeteer.

“I did that for 17 years,” she says.

She’d long dreamed of becoming a rabbi, a Jewish religious leader, but as time went on, she began to feel as though she was “too old.”

“I believe that there’s an element of it being a calling. A kind of message from God,” she reflects, noting that she didn’t grow up seeing female rabbis — the first American female rabbi was ordained in 1972.

“I graduated in 1968, there were no women rabbis. So how I got that idea in my head, I believe was God-guided.”

According to Aiello, it was a conversation with another rabbi that convinced her to finally take the plunge.

“He said something that no one else ever said to me,” she recounts. “He said, ‘How old are you?’ I said, ‘I’m 42.’

“He said, ‘How are you going to feel when you’re 52 and you still haven’t done it?’ And that stuck in my head.”

Never too late

Aiello went to seminary at the age of 47 and was ordained four years later by the Reform movement, a denomination that seeks to modernize Jewish traditions.

Orthodox Jewish authorities do not recognize female rabbis, even if they have been ordained by other Jewish denominations.

“Last year was my 25th year,” she adds.

Aiello spent many years at synagogues in Florida, and also as a Hebrew teacher at a synagogue in St. Thomas, one of the Virgin Islands. So how did she end up relocating to Milan over two decades ago?

“It was circumstances that found me rather than me creating the circumstance,” Aiello admits. She says she was given the opportunity to become the rabbi of the first progressive synagogue in Italy while finishing up a contract in Florida and jumped at the chance.

In 2004, she left the US to begin a new life in Milan, Italy.

“I was the first woman rabbi in Italy,” she says. “And right now, still the only one.”

But while Aiello was thrilled to finally be living in her father’s home country, she says she learned very quickly that “there were tremendous differences between being a rabbi in the United States and rabbi in Europe.”

“Judaism is much more traditional (in Italy) than in the United States,” she says. “The Reform movement in the United States is the largest movement.

“Whereas in Italy, the largest stream of Judaism is the Orthodox. So it has really been a challenge.”

This wasn’t the only challenge that she faced after relocating from the United States. While Aiello felt that she had a strong knowledge of the Italian language due to her background, she realized that she still had a lot to learn.

“I thought I was fluent,” she says. “And I had a rude awakening, because once I got past food, family, travel and the weather, my vocabulary was nil. And I really had to work at it.”

Aiello began studying with a language tutor who had expertise in psychology and theology, which helped her immensely.

“When I first came to Milan, I couldn’t give a sermon in Italian,” she says. “Even though I could carry on a conversation, to speak about something in depth was difficult for me.

“So the first year was a struggle. The second year was better.”

Slowing down

Although she enjoyed her time in the Italian city, Aiello always felt drawn to Serrastretta, traveling to the village several times to visit her relatives.

After two years in Milan, Aiello was presented with another golden opportunity when the foundation of a couple who she had previously officiated for agreed to provide the seed money for her to start a synagogue in Calabria.

“People ask me sometimes, ‘Why did you pick Serrastretta to start the synagogue in Calabria,” she says, noting that there were many places in the Italian region where she could “initiate a Jewish community and a synagogue.”

“Once again, I think Serrastretta chose me. Because this is where my father and all of my ancestors grew up and lived, and so there was a bond of understanding ready made. It was right there.”

Aiello established her synagogue 18 years ago, and was heartened to see many locals coming to visit.

“I made an effort to walk to the piazza every day and to greet everyone I met,” she says, recalling how warmly she was received.

As she continued to integrate herself into the local community, Aiello found herself becoming very fond of one local in particular — her second cousin Enrico, who is also Jewish. The pair married 14 years ago.

“Now between us we are likely related to everyone in the town,” she says.

Aiello believes that her father, who passed away in 1980, would be particularly pleased by their union. In fact, he may well have seen it coming.

“The first time I met Enrico was in 1975, my father said, ‘You should marry this guy,’” she recalls “And I said, ‘Oh, Daddy.’ And of course, many years later, he was right.”

After nearly two decades in Serrastretta, Aiello feels completely at home and says she couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

“There’s just a warmth and a sense of camaraderie and a sense of acceptance,” she says, noting that while there are certainly cons to living in the town, such as its accessibility — the nearest airport is 25 kilometers (15 miles) away — the pros outweigh them considerably.

“All of those elements are important, but what’s more important was the warmth of coming back home.”

Aiello says she’s learned to slow down since leaving the US, and now embraces “the values that we Americans call old-fashioned.”

“There’s a phrase here in Calabria. If you are very well organized, always on time, and you work really hard, ‘You’re working like an American,’” she says, stressing that this “is not an insult by any means.

“Time is taken in this society, here in southern Italy, around the family table with children and with friends.”

Aiello concedes that the fact that she has Italian roots, and is now married to an Italian, has made adapting to life in the country slightly easier for her, and says she has much admiration for those who relocate without a strong connection to the country.

“I really give them a lot of credit for fitting into the community,” she says. “Because that would be much harder. I did not have that problem.

“My husband is very well known among the people in many of these little towns. So that’s been a help to me.”

Like many international residents, Aiello admits that she’s had a hard time getting used to the infamous Italian bureaucracy.

“There are a lot of comments about the bureaucracy, and they’re not overblown,” she says. “It really can be so frustrating. So if you’re easily frustrated and you want things to move for you.

“If you’re buying a home, or you’re starting a business, or you’re trying to travel, and you want things to move quickly in an organized fashion, like you’re used to in the US. You’re going to be very unhappy here.”

She says she’d advise anyone considering relocating to Italy to “do their homework” and “devote your time to the language.”

Aiello also suggests that potential residents take the time to visit their intended destination “during the off season.”

Close-knit community

“Coming to Calabria in July is really different from being in Calabria today, where the houses are cold and drafty,” she says.

She goes on to explain that being open minded and having “a spirit of adventure” is perhaps most important when it comes to a move such as this.

“Change is always difficult, even when it’s a positive change,” she says. “There are real challenges.

“But you can’t just kind of parachute in and expect that it’s going to be like your last Italian vacation.”

As for affordability, Aiello says she’s found Calabria to be a cheaper place to live for the most part, pointing out that you can go to the market and buy “two full bags of primarily fruits and vegetables” for around 40 euros (about $41).

“In the US, the same amount would be almost $100,” she says.

Although she notes that gas is more expensive than it is in the United States, she feels that “people are very, very prudent about how often they use their car” in comparison.

“It would be quite a challenge, financially, to live in the States right now,” she adds, explaining that she noticed the huge difference in costs during her most recent visit.

“Rents are lower, housing prices are lower,” she adds.

Although her father was born in Italy, Aiello was not eligible for residency, as her “chain of ancestry” was broken when her father joined the United States army.

However, she says she is fighting to attain bloodline citizenship, or citizenship by descent, so that she can pass it down to her daughter, who lives in the United States.

“I have it (permanent Italian residency) almost automatically being married for 14 years to my husband,” she says. “But I want the bloodline for my daughter, so I’m still pursuing it.

“It can really be a problem. And the government, to their credit, has tried to streamline the process.”

Aiello is hugely proud to be at the forefront of the modern Jewish community in Serrastretta, and feels as though she’s continuing the legacy of her father, who often spoke of “Calabria’s history, especially the strong Jewish presence that thrived here” previously.

She works closely with Serrastretta’s parish priest to “model acceptance and respect for each other’s religion,” which includes “sharing holidays that Jews and Christians have in common.”

“I say something that is still controversial, which is, I believe that interfaith marriages are the hope for Judaism,” she says.

Aiello returns to the United States regularly to visit her daughter in Chicago, but says she has no desire to return permanently.

“When I go to the States, I’m gearing up for what I have to do,” she says. “When I come back, it’s like, ‘Oh, I’m home.’ Very different feeling.”

However, she stresses that there’s at least one thing that might lure her back in the future – healthcare.

“I’m 77, my husband’s 84 and the biggest problem here is medical care,” she says, adding that Southern Italy “is not known for its sterling medical services for elderly people.”

“US Medicare (a health insurance program for people aged 65 or older, as well as younger people with disabilities) is much better organized and much more efficient, by comparison.”

Aiello, who is a “two-time cancer survivor,” goes on to explain that she returned to the United States for surgery, “mostly because the care is better.”

“And also it’s my native language. I needed to really understand what was happening,” she adds.

“So if anything were to bring me back to the States, it might be the healthcare. But at the moment, I’m here… I’m happily here.”

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