Can You Actually Get Over The 'Ick', Like Joanne In 'Nobody Wants This'?
In episode six of Netflix’s bingeable new TV show, Nobody Wants This, a terrible thing happens. Kristen Bell’s character Joanne – one half of the 'will they, won’t they, should they?' couple at the heart of the series – suddenly develops 'the ick' for Adam Brody’s Noah. His crimes? Referring to a blazer as a 'sports coat', buying a too-large bunch of sunflowers for her mum, and pronouncing 'prego' too loudly in a faux Italian accent. All things he does, by the way, to impress her parents. Debriefing with her sister Morgan outside, she laments: 'I can’t believe I let him touch me with those giant flower-holding hands.'
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But – spoiler alert – there’s a major plot twist. Because it’s not the end for our sex podcast host and our sexy rabbi just yet. Noah somehow manages to talk Joanne out of her 'ick', convincing her to give things with him a proper go, instead of focusing on unimportant things that make her cringe. He goes deeper, too, acknowledging that Joanne’s sudden change of heart is more likely self-sabotage, because she’s trying not to repeat the mistakes of her parents, who she has a slightly chaotic relationship with to say the least. 'I'm on your side. I can handle you,' he tells her. It’s one of several moments in the series where Noah is able to see through Joanne’s bullsh*t and to call her out on it. And not to get all Sex and the City Carrie Bradshaw, but I couldn’t help but wonder… can one get over an 'ick' so seamlessly?
In the case of Joanne and Noah, there’s a strong case for 'hell yes'. After all, it’s made obvious from the get-go that Joanne is slightly insecure (see: that chinchilla coat in episode one) and that she’s terrified of being hurt (see: episode three when she spirals after Noah doesn’t respond to a text). And then there’s the list of historic 'icks' she’s had, which she reels off to Morgan, including deciding not to move in with someone because he once chased and failed to catch a ping pong. 'Could have been the love of my life, but no regrets, you can’t unsee something like that,' she quips. You get the sense that for Joanne at least, her sister’s theory that the 'ick' always finds a way says more about their approach to dating than the faults of the men they dated. It’s part of their personal brand, too – an 'ick' makes for a good story for the podcast, after all.
The term 'getting the ick' first came into my consciousness in 2017, when Olivia Attwood made it something of a catchphrase of hers during her season on Love Island. Yet its origins actually date back to the 1990s, when it was used as a comedic plot device in Ally McBeal and Sex and the City. Both shows made it clear that 'icks' were inconsequential but embarrassing traits or moments that caught someone unawares in the early stages of dating, but which could not be unseen. Classic examples polled via my Instagram include long fingernails, short sleeve shirts, pronouncing words wrong, picking their teeth, taking photos of food and, my personal favourite, getting in the bath. Paul Mescal’s 'ick' is running upstairs to turn a light off. Someone I once dated said his 'ick' about me was that I didn’t have 'last seen' on my WhatsApp. I think we can all agree, none of these are real crimes, and actually, were we to move past them there’s every chance a long-term romance could blossom – à la Joanne and Noah.
'One of the most enduring 'icks' is the nice guy 'ick'. We see it every year on Love Island, and I can almost see the poor guys who are tarred with the nice guy brush seeing the Boohoo Man deals disappearing before their very eyes, because they are not long for this villa. For me, this is the perfect example of how nonsensical and self-sabotaging some icks can be. Because how can someone be too nice?
In my twenties, I basically ignored all 'icks'. My toxic trait was that I refused to see the bad in anyone, so desperate was I to settle down. I didn’t ghost any one from a dating app, or end a situationship despite how poorly I was being treated. I approached relationships as if they were a test that I just needed to study harder for – if I just kept going, eventually someone would love me. Looking back, I was probably an 'ick' for how much of a 'pick-me' girl I was.
With hindsight, I even ignored full-blown red flags, so distraught was I at the idea of getting back on the apps. (An 'ick' and a red flag should never be confused, by the way. A red flag is the ick’s far more serious and severe older sibling). For one reason or another, in my thirties I have found myself able to be a lot more discerning when it comes to dating. (I even ended things with someone for the first time!) Chalk it up to experience and maturity – plus perhaps the fact that I’m out of the recreational rat race, being a mum already, so my biological clock isn’t drowning out anyone’s 'icks' anymore. Inevitably I am pickier for my daughter’s sake, too.
Speaking to other friends who are now happily married, it becomes evident that you definitely can get over an 'ick'. 'I’m always getting cringed out by my husband,' shares one friend. 'But I’m married to him now, so I’ve got a reason to stay, rather than bolt just because I can’t bear that he says "brekkie" instead of breakfast or collects loo rolls for a rainy day crafting activity with the kids that never happens. It makes you realise how inconsequential these things are.'
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