9 Things That Died In The 90s
[Photo: turtleco - newgrounds.com]
As a 90s child, I finally see why older generations found it so funny to see us dressed like it was the 70s in the 00s. The wave of bands beginning with ‘The (insert noun here)’ that came out of nowhere in tiny leather jackets and skinny jeans must have been hilarious to those that were there the first time. And now, grunge chic and crop tops and polo necks and green hair are everywhere. It’s somewhat comforting but also a reminder that you are that much closer to death. Ho hum. Here’s a list of things that started their decline way before us.
The Physical Format
Cassette tapes. VHS. Minidisc. Games cartridges. The decline of the CD. A scratch on your Encarta 95 was the end of knowledge. Excited trips to Blockbuster video. The very real threat of a fine that cost more than the item did new. Pencils and reels of tape and heartache. The gesture of a mixtape for someone you fancied. All these things and more, no more.
[Photo: power106.com]
Music
Along with the physical formats on which it came, music contracted a rare form of cancer in the 90s (aka record labels getting greedier) which meant we saw the rise of boy and girl bands pedalling crappy pop songs which we lapped up. Never mind the wealth of real pop songs in the charts with your Lisa Loebs and Crash Test Dummies and other one hit wonders who actually had albums to back the singles up, we said “no thanks, we want cyborg Barbies in crop tops and X amount of groups of lovely Irish lads sitting on stools then standing up for the key change”. MTV stopped showing actual music videos and started what would become reality tv with shows such as ‘The Real World’ and people gave up on albums to buy Aqua singles and novelty songs by brightly coloured creatures that looked like they were dreamed up by an acid trip in WIlly Wonka’s chocolate factory.
[Gif: Giphy.com]
Playing Outside
Remember when you were allowed to go outside and play in the road or park without fear of being kidnapped or hurt or abused be it verbally or physically? Everyone’s so scared these days. For their children, of their neighbours, for themselves and of each other. I guess it doesn’t really matter though, why would you need to go outside when you’ve got the internet?
Punctuality
There was a time, before the mobile phone, just before the pager, that you had little choice but to be on time. Lateness meant someone was nervously stood by a phone box waiting for it to ring and actually answering when it did. Lateness meant you didn’t know whether to stay or go. Lateness was the seed of paranoia. “Do I wait here? Maybe I can buy a pack of gum… no, too risky…”. None of this “soz, I’m running 30 minutes late, something came up” nonsense because you wanted to squeeze in one more episode on Netflix. Just people being where they said they’d be within ten minutes, or else risk FOMO before it was even a thing.
[Photo: theworldgeography.com]
Cheques
Once upon a time, you could exchange goods for what was essentially a branded IOU and a gesture. ‘Have faith, my word is my bond. Now take this slip and give me that bag of expensive clothing’.
Mostly Terrible Fashions
Dready, Spliffy, Eclipse, Naff Naff, UFO pants, shell suits, basically a butt load of polyester. No one knows why we loved polyester so much. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, it made you sweat loads in the summer and it didn’t keep you warm or dry in the winter. Oh look, it’s back in fashion!
[Photo: Raveready.com]
Anonymity
Remember when you could do something without fear of repercussion? Without proof of your idiocy plastered over the internet for the world to see or for your boss to fire you over? When the only proof of that terrible outfit existed physically, hidden in a box with your other physical suppressed memories? Yeah, thanks Facebook.
Dial Up Connections/Fax Machines
Everyone’s glad they’re dead. And along with them, the midnight faxes from some window company, the fight for the landline when you find that the omnipotent Encarta 95 doesn’t have the info you require and your sibling wants to use the phone and the excruciating, annoying, fizzzzzz-crackle-BE-bom-BE-bom of the attempted connection. Good riddance.
[Photo: ScandinavianRockguy - Wikipedia.com]
Mufasa
The Bambi’s mum of our generation. I defy you to find anyone who did not shed a tear. Rest in peace, you noble beast.
[Gif: Giphy.com]
