So 80s it hurts: punch-ups, pro wrestlers and Patrick Swayze mix in the delightfully absurd Road House
The best thing about the recent Road House remake is that the original movie has also returned to streaming services, and the best thing about the original is, well, everything. It has never been easier to reacquaint yourself with – in my opinion – one of the greatest movies of all time.
Patrick Swayze plays Dalton, a calm and spiritually collected bouncer hired to help turn around the fortunes of a dive bar: the Double Deuce, a joint full of violence, corruption and “the kinda place where they sweep up the eyeballs after closing”.
Related: Road House review – Conor McGregor almost steals riotous 80s remake
Dalton arrives in the small town of Jasper and starts to clean up the bar aided by his friend Cody (blues musician Jeff Healy) and mentor Wade Garrett (Sam Elliott). He becomes involved with local doctor Elizabeth Clay (Kelly Lynch) but soon finds the bar – and whole town – under the boot heel of local crime boss Brad Wesley (Ben Gazarra), who will stop at nothing to destroy anyone who stands in his way.
The first thing we need to address about Road House is that it is completely and utterly ridiculous – which is a compliment, because Road House’s delightful absurdity transcends a routine modern western plot to become a deliriously fun slice of late 80s action cinema.
Road House exists in a universe where bouncers are famous and monster trucks are on hand to cause massive, consequence-free destruction. It’s a reality where Dalton’s medical records contain details of his philosophy degree, for some reason. It’s a world where he refuses anaesthetic because “pain don’t hurt”. And it’s a place where a taxidermised polar bear can be weaponised to take out a gun-toting thug.
Road House’s chief appeal is Patrick Swayze in peak form: lean and chiselled and coached during the filming process by legendary martial arts champion Benny “The Jet” Urquidez (who has a cameo as a thug). So while Swayze’s immaculately coiffured mullet might mean business in the front and party in the back, when it comes to kicking arse, it’s business on all sides.
Swayze makes Dalton charmingly pretentious and – crucially – never arrogant. His brooding, warrior poet philosophy somehow complements the inherent contradiction of a man haunted by violence, yet choosing to work in a profession where he encounters it every single day.
Ben Gazzara also warrants mention as Brad Wesley, who – aside from all the extortion and attempted murder – is generally quite obnoxious, flying his helicopter over neighbours’ houses, hosting loud parties and driving all over the road. Believability is stretched when he holds his own with Dalton in the final fist fight, but like everything in Road House, it’s better if you don’t overthink it.
As you might expect, there’s a whole host of sprawling, bar room fisticuffs, with busted furniture, shattered glass and a slew of memorable thugs, including pro wrestler Terry Funk and John Doe, the guitarist of legendary LA punk band X. Road House finally goes completely off the deep end with a tremendous and deeply unhinged fight between Dalton and menacing henchman Jimmy (Marshall Teague), but I will not spoil the truly berserk joy of experiencing it fresh for the first time.
Best of all, when you really stop to think about it, is that 99% of the trouble in Road House could be avoided if the bouncers just stopped letting the bad guys back in the bar to drink.
The result is a reputation that seems to place Road House halfway between cult classic and guilty pleasure. But there should be no guilt in enjoying its ludicrous charms, because 30 years after Dalton walked through the doors of the Double Deuce, Road House still packs a hell of a punch.
Road House is available to stream on Amazon Prime Video in Australia and UK, and Cinemax in the US. For more recommendations of what to stream in Australia, click here
