People Are Revealing All The Things That They Think Scream "Trashy Parent"
Yes, I know: we're not supposed to parent shame. And I agree... for the most part. But let's be serious: some parents make actively bad choices (or are just bad people), and that can have a negative effect on more lives than just those of their kids'. So, I asked the BuzzFeed Community what they think screams "bad parenting;" here are 45 answers that some parents should take to heart.
1."Saying to do one thing and doing the opposite themselves. Kids don’t always listen to what you say, but they DO mimic what you do."
NBC / Via i.giphy.com
—Anonymous
2."Parents who post their kids' faces online from the minute they are born. This isn’t just bad parenting, it’s dangerous and so many parents can’t handle that reality. Give your kids some privacy in this media-infested world. So many freaks take kids' pictures from online and use those photos for horrendous things."
3."Rewarding bad behavior. It’s everywhere. Screaming kid in the store? Give them a phone. Videos at church if they can’t sit still. Crying kids being given lollipops. It’s teaching young children to be dependent on these things to be people. Kids are not learning how to handle themselves in settings where they need to sit or be quiet."
"It is definitely easier to hand over a screen or keep kids quiet with treats, but trust me: allowing them to be bored does pay off down the line when they are able to get through a store trip. They'll actually help you, because they were taught to pay attention to you at the store, and not to the phone. Explain to children how to behave instead of letting them become mindless screen kids."
—Anonymous
4."Fat-shaming or body shaming in general. My mom will make comments about my butt, slap my stomach, or tell me to ‘suck it in.'"
5."I keep encountering parents speaking down to their children in public. I’m not perfect, and I definitely have said things to my kids I shouldn’t have."
Universal Pictures / Via giphy.com
"However, telling children they are stupid for asking a question or asking what is wrong with them for making a simple mistake is not helping kids in any way. I wish parents would understand that if you want to raise a kind, respectful child you need to treat them with kindness and respect."
—Anonymous
6."Sadly, I have heard several kids (of various ages) yell, scream, and cuss at a parent or adult. I know it is a learned skill, so I blame the parents for passing this on as acceptable. This is why we have loud Karens of the world."
—Anonymous
7."'Hey, your child did this. I saw it with my own eyes.' 'Oh no, little Mr. Perfect-Pants could never do anything like that!!!' Yeah, well, he just did, Mark."
"First it’s hitting a lot at the playground or throwing sand, and with that parent's attitude it’s gonna turn into him killing someone while drunk driving, or assaulting someone."
—Anonymous
8."Giving your toddler a tablet and using it as a babysitter."
—Anonymous
9."Parents who don’t discipline their children. We’ll see [those kids] in court in a few years."
10."I work at a store with escalators. Parents who let their children play on them drive me nuts. These are massive machines that cost thousands of dollars to fix if the sensors shut them off during an emergency."
"But no, please, pay no attention to your kid running down the up escalator or your toddler sticking his fingers under the conveyor belt where the stairs go under the floor. I’ve seen parents move our barriers so they and their children could walk down the broken escalator because they refused to use the elevator. In my state, that is quite literally illegal to do and they were surprised when we asked them to leave."
—Anonymous
11."As a parent, you should know that your child is the best, most beautiful thing on this earth, and they are precious. STOP putting make-up on your young child or using filters when taking their picture. What the actual fuck is wrong with people who do this?"
"I'm not just talking about pictures where you're also in the frame and decide you could do with some 'help' from a filter, I'm talking about pictures of the child by themselves which you use a filter on. Is your child not beautiful enough? How many issues are you setting them up for in the future? I know someone who plucked their toddler's monobrow, and I used the actual words 'What the fuck is wrong with you?'"
12."I can’t stand parents who don’t understand that the concept of 'gentle parenting' doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for their child’s behavior."
"Gentle parenting still has boundaries and rules. It’s just a concept that promotes emotional intelligence and well-being with your child. I don’t want to watch your kid scream and punch you in the middle of the mall while you meekly say his name and ask him to stop, all because you wouldn’t throw his trash away for him. Children raised like that are the ones that go out into the world and think everyone owes them something and that they’re God’s gift to the world. And you as a parent let that happen."
—Anonymous
13."Letting their kids play on the street with zero awareness to get out of the way when vehicles approach. Then, the parents glare at the driver for... driving on the street. And there is literally a park at the end of our street."
—Anonymous
14."Forcing children to act exactly how you want them to. Manners are a must, but why force them to, for example, do a certain sport or wear dresses if they absolutely hate it? This undermines their autonomy, and often for little reason at all. It screams, 'I don’t care about what they want even if it IS about them.'"
—Anonymous
15."Parents who bully their kids just because they can. I’ve seen other parents do this and I just know those kids have a rough home life. Just because you are the adult and the parent doesn’t mean you get to abuse that power. You are scarring your kids for life."
16."I work in orthodontics. Reviewing the simplest of dental care instructions and assessments to parents and patients is mostly met with disdain, indifference, or is just plain ignored."
Disney Channel
"If their child’s oral hygiene is consistently terrible and the end result is rotten because they didn’t give a shit, why is that on me? 🤷♀️"
17."No structure or discipline, or overly aggressive 'discipline.' [Parents who] only [use] negative reinforcement and no positives, who let their kids eat whatever they want and do whatever they want, who model toxic behavior in front of them. Parents who have inappropriate role models or allow their kids to. Parents who don't empathize with their kids or live their lives centered around immediate gratification."
18."Swearing at your kid. I’m not saying swearing in front of them, but swearing at them. Our neighbor had two little girls about 4 and 6 and I overheard the dad yelling at one of the little girls “I told you to fucking stop God dammit!” and I just think that’s terrible parenting."
19."Children who act up in public. I taught my children that we were different from other families because we had 'Emerson Manners.' We don’t act out in public, we don’t snip and snark in public. We are respectful and polite especially when dining out, even if it’s a hamburger joint."
"One evening we were dining at a local barbecue place where the tables were very close together and my youngest son leaned over and said in a voice not quite a whisper, 'That boy over there needs some Emerson Manners.' I replied, 'I know, we’ll talk about it at home.' He then said, 'Well don’t you think you should tell his father?!'
"The father was seething at this point and was staring at me so I just shrugged my shoulders and said, 'I can't take him anywhere, he just says whatever comes into his head!' I then paid the bill and left with my well-behaved boys. I was never more proud."
20."Kids with bad teeth. I know it isn’t always easy, but cavity fillings and root canals aren't any easier. Please make them brush their teeth."
21."Parents who let their kids run amok in public and care more about doing their shopping or enjoying their food than [they do] about their kids. If you don’t want to watch your child or be responsible for them in public then either get a sitter or don’t have kids."
22."Religious extremism. Refusing to allow their children to be taught real science, evolution, climate change, sex education, etc. Indoctrinating them into hate, homophobia, racism, and complete denial of reality, while screeching like fools that public schools are ‘indoctrinating’ their children."
CBC Television / Pop TV / Via i.giphy.com
"'Homeschooling' their kids with a wacko, cult-based ‘curriculum’ that teaches them nothing that they might actually need to function in society as adults, in favor of programming their minds with nothing but their religious beliefs. Not allowing them to read anything but religious books that conform to their narrow interpretations of their religion.
"I know of someone who was raised that way, and once she was out from under her parents’ thumbs, she had zero idea how to do even the most basic of things, like paying bills and taxes, applying for and keeping a job, and avoiding offending coworkers, customers, etc. She finally ended up homeless, and I taught her how to do the basics of adulting."
23."The big one that grinds my gears is when parents condition their kids to only respond to yelling and threats of violence. If you’re always yelling at and beating your kids, of course they’re not gonna respond when you decide to be calm and ask them to please stop doing what they’re doing."
24."Parents who give the response of ‘What do you expect me to do?!’ while their little cherub runs around wrecking the place. Or parents who happily just walk away with Junior after they have made a massive mess somewhere. As someone who works in a PRU, I hate those kind of parents."
25."Tantrumming at a kid who is tantrumming. Sure, we all have moments when stress, sleep deprivation, or overstimulation cause us to lose our cool. But consistently yelling at a little person who is trying to learn how to manage big feelings is not going to play out well. A therapist or good parenting/kids' books on emotional learning can help parents make the choice to co-regulate, not co-escalate with their kids."
—Anonymous
26."A couple of years ago I kept my Gen Alpha niece and nephew for a weekend. The boy was about 7 at the time and had already mastered the art of gaslighting. I sat there and watched him steal from me, jump on my furniture, trash my house, hit his little sister; and every time he did something I reprimanded him, and every time I reprimanded him he had an argument on deck."
“'You said I could have it!' (I'd said no.) 'I was just playing!' (The baby girl had a bruise on her chest in the shape of his fist.) 'Well, it’s your fault I messed up your house. You shouldn’t have let me in.' (At that point I told him he could either sit his little ass in the corner or I could go get my belt)."
27."Saying that they spank, shame, yell at, or embarrass their children. There’s a difference between those who yell because they lose patience and are trying to do better, and those who are on a power trip."
—Anonymous
28."Mistreating people in the service/retail industry in front of their kids. Watching parents treat servers or checkout clerks like they are beneath them just creates a whole new generation of entitled assholes."
"Every time I see kids make a mess in the toy aisle of a store and parents don’t do a thing to address it because it's 'someone else’s job' to clean up, I just know in 20 years those kids are the going to be the adults being condescending to some server at a restaurant somewhere. Everyone should have to spend a year in hospitality or retail before they are allowed to have children."
—Anonymous
29."Lying for your child to cover up their bad behavior."
—Anonymous
30."I teach, so I have a lot of thoughts here."
"1. Cussing at or insulting your children or your children's peers.
2. Negotiating non-negotiables: e.g. 'If you put your seatbelt on, we'll go through the drive-thru on the way home.' ...No. You don't negotiate safety.
3. Encouraging cruelty in your child.
4. Exposing your child to things that are vastly inappropriate for their age. I had a 5-year-old who was taken by Daddy to see the newest "Chucky" movie, was traumatized, and then told classmates all about it.
5. Giving junk food to very young children. Your 18-month-old baby should not be eating fast food multiple times a week.
6. Heavy smoking around your child. I get that pot is legal in many places now, but when your child's coat and backpack have such a heavy odor that they have to be stored out of the room so another kid doesn't have an asthma attack, there's a problem here.
7. Frequently taking your child to adult spaces, like bars and lingerie stores."
31."I have two. The first is parenting for other peoples’ opinions over your kids’ feelings. The second is soda in baby bottles."
32."Those parents who are ALWAYS saying, 'Not my kid!' They’re hands down the worst! As a parent, you have to recognize that yes, sometimes, your kid is the problem in the situation."
—Anonymous
33."Parents who let their young boys attack other young girls. 'Oh, boys will be boys!' I don’t care if they just 'will be boys,' it’s still assault and that kid needs some manners."
ABC
34."I dislike parents who don’t allow their kids self-expression. It’s like they want their kid to be a perfect little carbon copy of them, and that can really hurt the kid."
35."When they don’t know basic things about their child, like their favorite food, color, or activity."
36."Not taking responsibility when your child is or has caused trouble. When they've done something wrong that hurts, upsets, or causes damage, discipline the child instead of turning a blind eye and mollycoddling them."
37."When parents blame others (or even worse, objects) for their child’s behavior."
38."Parents who let their kids bring all their electronics to school (phone, Apple Watch, DS, etc.) They are usually the kids who bring a big bag of pure junk food and energy drinks. It’s actually sad."
39."Honestly, helicopter parents. To me, monitoring kids 24/7 seems so annoying for the kids' sake (and for the parents as well). When they grow older, they probably won’t have a great relationship with you, and they’ll eventually realize that they don’t need someone monitoring them all the damn time. Just give them a little freedom!"
—Anonymous
40."The permissive parent who pretends to discipline but has no follow-through. I once watched a kid in a public space start climbing on counters, run around yelling, and at one point throw a book in the garbage, all while Mom stood off to the side saying, “No, no…we don’t do that. That’s one. That’s two. You don’t want to do that. You’re at two. You shouldn’t do that. You don’t want to get to three…” etc., while the kid ignored her and kept being destructive. It was obvious he didn’t have any fear of getting to 'three.'"
"100% agree. A child will learn that the parent makes empty threats and will push the boundaries as much as they can. If you cannot follow through then you should not have children."
41."Parents who brag about holier-than-thou parenting choices like zero sugar, zero screen time, etc. Their kids can't handle it when they finally do get access to these restricted items and activities."
"Example: no screens at all. Kids feel behind and self-conscious when they don't know what their friends are talking about or struggle when the teacher has a lesson on Chromebooks. The lack of moderation and well-rounded experience has these kids growing into adults with impulse control and self-regulation deficits."
42."Smokers and vapers. You could be the most loving, attentive parent in the room but if I see you light up or take a hit off your vape, you’re trash. Get yourself together before your child arrives. You have 9 months to quit."
—Anonymous
43."I went to a group lunch once with a bunch of ladies and their kids. A toddler had a tantrum (absolutely normal — we've all been there) and she stopped him crying by saying, 'Please stop crying, I'll buy you a present on the way home if you do.'"
44.And, finally: "Can I just send you our security cam footage of the house across the street?"
...There's a lot to discuss here. If you have any parenting opinions of your own, feel free to share down below! Or, if you prefer, check out this anonymous Google Form. Your answer may be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.
