These 42 Funny Tweets From The Last 48 Hours Are Legitimately Getting Me Through The Holidays
So many people are stuck with family right now, so Twitter, or X, or whatever you wanna call it, is going off. Here are the best holiday jokes from the past 48 or 72 hours or so...
1.
My dad is so divorced our “Christmas tree” is his rowing machine pic.twitter.com/3iEHmbp1Dz
— Michael Benjamin (@mfbenji) December 24, 2024
2.
relatives are starting to ask abt boyfriends… they dont know they’re talking to lesbotron3000
— sopi ღ (@ultravioIetts) December 24, 2024
3.
u can drunk text whoever u want on christmas eve and new years eve. they legalized both recently
— felicity shagwell ੯‧̀͡⬮ ᡣ𐭩 (@liIpochaco) December 24, 2024
4.
COMMUNITY NOTE GONE LESBIANS WON https://t.co/JcKV1do1Zb
— avary 🤍 (@kyoruyeye) December 24, 2024
5.
my fam skipped Christmas Mass but we did watch Conclave so I think that still counts
— Frank Costa (@feistyfrank) December 25, 2024
6.
The Yuletide: pic.twitter.com/BgFyLfVw03
— Gay Gay Hunsecker (@stockpiledclay) December 24, 2024
7.
— ✧ حَ (@1shamed) December 23, 2024
8.
🚨Sabrina Carpenter via Instagram Stories. pic.twitter.com/6SSVxNIrFg
— acervo sabrina carpenter (@sabrinacervo) December 24, 2024
9.
— I.G.Y. azalea (@HaitianDvorce) December 24, 2024
10.
Dads watching the kids open presents not knowing what mom bought them pic.twitter.com/RKD4ek8qIM
— Molly (@FSUmollz) December 23, 2024
11.
The Simpsons is the only piece of media I can think of that accurately portrays the fact that much of winter, especially early winter, in cold climates looks like this pic.twitter.com/bHuKL92ed9
— Himbo President 🇵🇸 (@himbopresident) December 24, 2024
12.
— retro (@CourtneeHendrix) December 24, 2024
13.
tsa agent held up my bin and said to everyone else in line “THIS IS WHAT ALL OF YOURS SHOULD LOOK LIKE” greatest moment of my fucking life
— prance (@bocxtop) December 24, 2024
14.
i think it's beautiful that everyone's parents' house is the coldest place in the world. all our parents united in fear of the radiator
— g a b y (@gabydvj) December 23, 2024
15.
visiting your parents’ house is all about sitting in the living room on your phone
— Alex Murdoch (@alexgmurd) December 23, 2024
16.
Trying to find people still in town to hang out with pic.twitter.com/Psr1fVeJiD
— meg “Yooper” bitchell (@MeganBitchell) December 23, 2024
17.
picked my brother up and the first thing he says to me is “ruh roh raggy” pic.twitter.com/UzplgbRrrA
— 🍎 (@applekaurr) December 24, 2024
18.
Waited too long to do my Christmas shopping and now only Walgreens is open. Fuck it. Everyone’s getting a knee brace. pic.twitter.com/ak5lnTTmpO
— Dan White (@atdanwhite) December 24, 2024
19.
Hunter Biden riding the Green Goblin glider through the White House https://t.co/SlapS5yAqO
— Populism Updates (@PopulismUpdates) December 25, 2024
20.
Cousin wearing a Trump shirt and someone turned off a Kelly Clarkson song midway through pic.twitter.com/FoZJTE5h8o
— th*nos (@defnotthanos) December 25, 2024
21.
in america kids have to learn everything through hamburgers pic.twitter.com/wYxdJLD24R
— kels 🧸🏀 (@ohioisgood) December 24, 2024
22.
BREAKING: Santa Claus is currently in a dogfight with Drones over the State of New Jersey https://t.co/3smbzRNN0l
— The Middle-earth Mixer (@MiddleearthMixr) December 24, 2024
23.
— gary (@horrorgoth_) December 24, 2024
24.
Missed call from “Iraq” on Christmas Eve, I’m sure that’s fine. pic.twitter.com/zuNwnBfjPH
— 〰️ (@SenseiCarl_) December 24, 2024
25.
"The Grinch who ALLEGEDLY stole Christmas."- Defense attorneys
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) December 24, 2024
26.
— cosmic cowgirl 🪩🤠 (@blockhim2024) December 24, 2024
27.
what’s wrong, babe? you’ve barely touched the grinchamole. pic.twitter.com/i2sTiw1Uzt
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) December 24, 2024
28.
Six years ago today:“Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at seven it’s marginal, right?” pic.twitter.com/1ltCAX1FM2
— Election Wizard (@ElectionWiz) December 24, 2024
29.
The greatest $25 investment in history https://t.co/s3gIHYhkDp
— ً (@JWepp) December 24, 2024
30.
10 hours ambient basketball sounds
— orbeez god (@orbeezgod) December 24, 2024
31.
the vibe i'm tryna bring this christmas pic.twitter.com/JMuEo3R9UA
— evil (@evildeadthing) December 24, 2024
32.
merry christmas pic.twitter.com/FyhxRpWRKO
— images that go hard (@imagesthatgohrd) December 25, 2024
33.
i havent even watched a christmas movie this month its really over pic.twitter.com/p0McVAf8dG
— juju 💰 (@ayeejuju) December 24, 2024
34.
Opened up gift from grandma, glad she already pre rolled them for me😀 pic.twitter.com/adW7qdsL7u
— Alan Smith (@AlanSmitty2) December 25, 2024
35.
Would love to just grab a beer with this dude pic.twitter.com/GWYfV6R86z
— Connor Griffin (@RealCGriff) December 25, 2024
36.
who made this pic.twitter.com/A2Xqy7J1ST
— Ghostface (@GhostfaceTalks_) December 24, 2024
37.
Atheists in shambles https://t.co/sj6qDxQqwC
— metaphor man (@shitbiscuit) December 24, 2024
38.
Santa has died. The elves must now sequester themselves in the north pole and elect a new Santa.
— tonsured pussy (@sweetseaslug) December 25, 2024
39.
ok??? pic.twitter.com/3IZfta8q7y
— uncle kelsey (@okkelsey) December 23, 2024
40.
why tf the polar express just pulled up outside my crib pic.twitter.com/Crr07X1EqL
— juju 💰 (@ayeejuju) December 25, 2024
41.
Santa drinking his 1,358,536th glass of milk for the night pic.twitter.com/zsiJP7wAsv
— 90s WWE (@90sWWE) December 24, 2024
42. And lastly:
Me Christmas list: CookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookiesCookies…
— Cookie Monster (@MeCookieMonster) December 22, 2024
