21 Brutally Honest Confessions From An American Evangelical Pastor Who Left The Church
Over on Reddit's r/AMA board, people with unique and interesting experiences invite other users to ask them literally anything — and it's usually equal parts fascinating and thought provoking. Recently, a former American evangelical pastor took to the forum to talk about everything from why he left the church to what he believes in now, and it's a perspective you don't often see.
He wrote, "I converted to Christianity at 21, became a minister in the late nineties, and left the faith in 2021. I'm bumming around Portugal at the moment and thought I'd interact with some people who have questions or similar experiences." The thread in response to his post has over 1,000 comments. Here are some of the most interesting questions and answers:
1.Q: What made you convert in the first place?
A: I think it was the friend group I was in at the time. I got caught up in their enthusiasm.
2.Q: Why did you leave the faith?
A: I didn't see Christianity making people better, and in many cases, I saw it making people worse. For years, other pastors and I promised that people would feel a greater sense of peace and, over time, become more like Jesus, but I just never saw it happening.
Some would point to examples of people they know who are wonderful Christians, but I'd argue that they're wonderful people who would be sterling examples of whatever faith (or non-faith) they believed in.
For Christianity to be true, it feels to me that the percentage of people becoming more caring, loving, and self-sacrificial needs to be higher than normal. It just doesn't seem to be.
3.Q: When you say you’ve left the faith, does that mean you only stopped preaching? Or does it mean you no longer believe Jesus is who he says he is?
A: Right now, I'm not sure that I believe any of it anymore.
4.Q: What was the process of leaving the church like? Can’t imagine they are happy when priests leave.
A: I was asked to leave when I came out in support of LGBTQ inclusion.
5.Q: Why do you think many in the Christian community are so against the LGBTQ+ community?
A: Mostly, it's become a litmus test to judge someone's faith and sincerity. It's abhorrent that Christianity sees itself as a marginalized community that suffers persecution but can't empathize with legitimate marginalized and persecuted groups.
6.Q: Do American Christians actually read the entire Bible, or is their knowledge cherry-picked by pastors for sermons and Bible study? It seems the contradictions are glaring if you read the Bible, and the hypocrisy of, say, choosing a line from Leviticus to call for the extermination of LGBTQ people while ignoring the rules about eating shellfish is more than just ignorance of the passages.
A: I think the biblical literacy of evangelicals is terrible. A lot of these folks will fight you in the street over whether or not the Bible is the word of God, but that doesn't make them read it.
7.Q: What was your family/friend group reaction to you leaving?
A: Most of them ignore it. My wife is still a believer, so navigating that can be tricky. It makes sense she would feel a sense of loss and a long-term bait and switch.
8.Q: Are there any major beliefs that you still hang on to? For example, do you still believe there is a God? I’ve also had an experience of going through pastoral training (not nearly as long as you) but never became a pastor as my faith began to evolve. I’ve found myself throwing the baby out with the bathwater at times and have tried to avoid that, curious how you’ve managed that yourself as someone who was in it longer.
A: I believe service and sacrifice triumph over evil. I believe that people shouldn't be practicing their faith publicly for attention. I believe in doing to others what I would have them do to me.
9.Q: Did patriarchy, complementarianism, or any of the sex-based rule hierarchy play any role in your decision to leave the church?
A: Sure. The colonialism inherent in the faith played a big role, too. A faith that turns a blind eye to chattel slavery and disempowers half a population based on gender just stopped making sense. And let's be honest: when a faith devalues one of two genders, it's not prepared to be thoughtful and kind to the idea of gender as a spectrum.
10.Q: How much money did you make as a pastor?
A: Oof, not much. My congregations were smaller. Never more than $40K.
11.Q: What are your thoughts on the megachurch leaders such as Copeland, Osteen, etc? And have your views on them changed over the years?
A: No. I always thought they were opportunist garbage dudes.
12.Q: I'm a former Christian who lost my faith as well. One thing that had an effect on me was seeing that the prosperity gospel had taken over American Christianity and completely perverted it away from the ideals that supposedly came from Jesus. I blame this perversion for a lot of the hateful behavior and rhetoric I see in the US because religious people have all been convinced that they should hoard wealth as a sign of God's favor and owe nothing to the poor. They've become sociopathic in a way, with no sense of community or responsibility. I wondered if this played any part for you or if you could comment on it from a place of better understanding.
A: I honestly don't think the prosperity gospel is that prevalent. I'm more disappointed that clergy are paid by the churches they pastor, so they can never really be honest and critical, or people stop giving. It becomes a tail-wagging-the-dog situation.
13.Q: Do you still feel like what Christianity preaches (if understood by people as you understand it) is a positive and useful message for people? Another question I'd like to add is what, to you, is the most important thing (for yourself) that you've learned from Christianity/Jesus?
A: I value a lot of what I learned from Jesus. I'm still enamored with the idea that evil is overcome by self-sacrificial kindness and service. I wished Christians believed this.
14.Q: Did you ever take issue with the representation of Jesus being portrayed as white?
A: In a lot of Japanese art, Jesus is portrayed as Japanese. In African art, he's portrayed as more African than Near Eastern. So, on some level, portraying Jesus in a way that aligns with your culture is natural.
That said, the fact that white Jesus is often the default does point to the problems with colonialism, where we outsource and force our culture on others.
So no, but also yes.
15.Q: Churches today have deviated so far from Christ's simple but powerful message of love, compassion, charity, inclusivity, and to stay out of worldly affairs, i.e., politics. How do these people justify their blatant disregard for Jesus while preaching Jesus? I really need to understand.
A: A lot of American Christians spend more time being discipled by Fox News than Jesus of Nazareth.
16.Q: When you were still a believer, did you believe people needed religion to have a moral compass, or were you already conscious that it was not the case?
A: I felt that was nonsense forever, and I hated any time someone suggested that faith made people moral. If you need a god in order not to kill or steal, you're kind of telling me that you're a terrible person who needs to be coerced to do good.
17.Q: My mom has gone in the deep end and is throwing prophesies and end times at me. Is there any way to combat this hysterical form of Christianity? Any suggestions?
A: It's rough. She believes it and she's your mom, so she's likely not going to put a lot of stock in the idea you might have a better perspective than her.
Ask her politely if she wants to simply tell you what she thinks or have a dialogue. If it's the former, nod and smile when she talks about it, and then go on with your day.
18.Q: How do you find purpose without god or the Bible? I've left religion and struggle to find meaning in things like I used to.
A: I think I find more meaning, beauty, and wonder in disbelief than I did in belief.
19.Q: What parts of the Bible, if any, do you still value? Do you still have favorite books or chapters because they provide wisdom, inspiration, comfort, etc? Or do you basically reject it altogether?
A: I mean, I like the gospel of John. I like Proverbs. There are parts that I still appreciate.
20.Q: Presuming you felt the Holy Spirit over the years, how do you rationalize what that feeling was?
A: People from all religious backgrounds have moments of devotional euphoria. Hell, people at Taylor Swift concerts experience it.
21.Q: Looking back overall, do you think you’ve made a positive or negative impact on the world in your line of work?
A: Investments in people are always a net positive, but I don't need religion to do that.
Can you relate to what he had to say? Or do you disagree entirely? Share your experiences in the comments.
