20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (July 23-29)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Watching men’s gymnastics last night with the wife
Me: you know I did a somersault once right— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) July 28, 2024
Watching men’s gymnastics last night with the wife
Me: you know I did a somersault once right
— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) July 28, 2024 ">
Me: you know I did a somersault once right
A tracking device to find your husband when he goes off to get something in the supermarket and disappears.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) July 27, 2024
A tracking device to find your husband when he goes off to get something in the supermarket and disappears.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) July 27, 2024 ">
wife: do you think you can handle that?
me: yup, most definitely...what was that?— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 24, 2024
wife: do you think you can handle that?
me: yup, most definitely...what was that?
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 24, 2024 ">
me: yup, most definitely...what was that?
Me: I’m tired.
Husband: Go to bed earlier.
Me: So I can teleport to tomorrow and do this shit all over again? Absolutely not.— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) July 27, 2024
Me: I’m tired.
Husband: Go to bed earlier.
Me: So I can teleport to tomorrow and do this shit all over again? Absolutely not.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) July 27, 2024 ">
Husband: Go to bed earlier.
Me: So I can teleport to tomorrow and do this shit all over again? Absolutely not.
One thing is for certain. The day after my wife and daughter rent a movie on Amazon, it will for sure be available for free on every other platform
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 25, 2024
One thing is for certain. The day after my wife and daughter rent a movie on Amazon, it will for sure be available for free on every other platform
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 25, 2024 ">
I am on the mend after being sick for five days. By on the mend I mean I got out of bed and took a shower.
My husband, “Wanna go to hibachi and get wasted tonight?”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 26, 2024
I am on the mend after being sick for five days. By on the mend I mean I got out of bed and took a shower.
My husband, “Wanna go to hibachi and get wasted tonight?”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 26, 2024 ">
My husband, “Wanna go to hibachi and get wasted tonight?”
Marriage books never prepared me for the number of times my wife asks me “What is wrong with you?!”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 26, 2024
Marriage books never prepared me for the number of times my wife asks me “What is wrong with you?!”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) July 26, 2024 ">
Tonight, my 4yo told my husband that she likes him because he "doesn't clean as much as mommy."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 28, 2024
Tonight, my 4yo told my husband that she likes him because he "doesn't clean as much as mommy."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 28, 2024 ">
My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary today. Well, more like he's celebrating that I've put up with him and his antics for 15 years.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 26, 2024
My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary today. Well, more like he's celebrating that I've put up with him and his antics for 15 years.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 26, 2024 ">
Sitting my husband down after a week apart for a little presentation of all the internet videos I saved for him to watch
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 24, 2024
Sitting my husband down after a week apart for a little presentation of all the internet videos I saved for him to watch
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 24, 2024 ">
I told my husband that the G.I. Joe theme song has not withstood the test of time, and all I can say is it’s a good thing our couch is comfortable
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 26, 2024
I told my husband that the G.I. Joe theme song has not withstood the test of time, and all I can say is it’s a good thing our couch is comfortable
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 26, 2024 ">
wife: you sure the gummy didn't hit you yet?
me: [eating ramen noodles with mayo] yea I'm sure. Why?— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 25, 2024
wife: you sure the gummy didn't hit you yet?
me: [eating ramen noodles with mayo] yea I'm sure. Why?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 25, 2024 ">
me: [eating ramen noodles with mayo] yea I'm sure. Why?
[packing for vacation]
Wife: Don't forget underwear.
Me: I know.
Wife: Because you always forget underwear.
Me: I KNOW.
Wife: It's like the first thing you pack I don't know how-
Me: OMG I GET IT PACK UNDERWEAR.
[unpacking at hotel]
Me: you won't believe this— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 23, 2024
[packing for vacation]
Wife: Don't forget underwear.
Me: I know.
Wife: Because you always forget underwear.
Me: I KNOW.
Wife: It's like the first thing you pack I don't know how-
Me: OMG I GET IT PACK UNDERWEAR.
[unpacking at hotel]
Me: you won't believe this
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 23, 2024 ">
Wife: Don't forget underwear.
Me: I know.
Wife: Because you always forget underwear.
Me: I KNOW.
Wife: It's like the first thing you pack I don't know how-
Me: OMG I GET IT PACK UNDERWEAR.
[unpacking at hotel]
Me: you won't believe this
And it’s a gold to my husband for the best dad explanation of Fencing to our 10yr old.
“Fencing is where you have to go and put up a fence, with wood usually..”— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) July 28, 2024
And it’s a gold to my husband for the best dad explanation of Fencing to our 10yr old.
“Fencing is where you have to go and put up a fence, with wood usually..”
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) July 28, 2024 ">
“Fencing is where you have to go and put up a fence, with wood usually..”
There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time and then they marry each other.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 23, 2024
There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time and then they marry each other.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 23, 2024 ">
A hack is to write out a todo list and put it somewhere your husband can see. Husbands cannot resist a list. They crave completing a list. Our walls have had a stain on them for MONTHS, wrote it on a list and all the sudden my husband has cleaned it. It’s been an hour since List.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 25, 2024
A hack is to write out a todo list and put it somewhere your husband can see. Husbands cannot resist a list. They crave completing a list. Our walls have had a stain on them for MONTHS, wrote it on a list and all the sudden my husband has cleaned it. It’s been an hour since List.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 25, 2024 ">
Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 25, 2024
Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 25, 2024 ">
The good news: My husband vacuumed and cleaned out the car for our road trip.
The bad news: He forgot to put my car lip balm back after he was done, and I didn't notice until after we'd been on the road for an hour.— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 29, 2024
The good news: My husband vacuumed and cleaned out the car for our road trip.
The bad news: He forgot to put my car lip balm back after he was done, and I didn't notice until after we'd been on the road for an hour.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 29, 2024 ">
The bad news: He forgot to put my car lip balm back after he was done, and I didn't notice until after we'd been on the road for an hour.
My husband, watching women’s water polo, after hearing the commentator say they aren’t allowed to touch the bottom or sides of the pool and must swim the entire time, “That is probably so hard.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 27, 2024
My husband, watching women’s water polo, after hearing the commentator say they aren’t allowed to touch the bottom or sides of the pool and must swim the entire time, “That is probably so hard.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 27, 2024 ">
Me [packing]: Hey, do you think a ukulele is considered a carry-on or personal item?
Wife: no— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 24, 2024
Me [packing]: Hey, do you think a ukulele is considered a carry-on or personal item?
Wife: no
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 24, 2024 ">
Wife: no
