18 women share the one thing they wish they'd known about breast cancer
One in seven women in the UK will develop breast cancer in their lifetime. It is the most common cancer in the UK, yet there's a scary number of myths out there.
To sort fact from fiction, we asked 18 women to share their breast cancer experiences and get candid about the advice they wish they'd known before receiving their diagnosis, from how to talk to family and friends about breast cancer, to what to eat and how long recovery can take.
What I wish I'd know about...breast cancer diagnosis
How to talk to family and friends
Christine Hamill, author
I tried to handle my diagnosis alone until a nurse said, ‘By keeping this cancer quiet, you’re depriving yourself of support and help.’ She was right. It’s emotionally draining to tell individual friends and family members the same distressing news over and over, so a good idea is to invite friends over (and separately your family) and tell them as a group. Family and friends are significantly impacted, so telling them together means they can support each other and mobilise themselves as a group to help out.
Cancer isn't always a lump
Tasmin Warley, singer-songwriter
I had a sunken nipple for more than six months before I found a lump, but I put it down to being perimenopausal. Any changes to your breasts could be significant, but especially a change in the size, shape or feel of your breast, puckering or dimpling of the skin, a rash or redness, fluid leaking from the nipple when not pregnant or breastfeeding, and changes in the position of the nipple.
Breast cancer is nothing to be ashamed of
Balwinder Nanray, financial services consultant
When I heard the words, ‘You have cancer,’ I had a million thoughts spinning through my head, including emotions and fears ingrained from my upbringing. In some communities, including Asian communities, cancer is considered a curse: if you get it, you must have done something wrong. A lot of women are ashamed, but it’s not your fault if you get cancer. The Asian community and other underrepresented diverse communities need to know there’s no need to shy away from talking about a breast cancer diagnosis openly.
It's okay to seek a second opinion
Sophie Blake, TV presenter
When I was told my breast cancer had spread and was incurable, my oncologist put me on a treatment plan but was quite negative. He told me I might only have three years left and there wasn’t much more they could do. That wasn’t good enough for me; I had a 15-year-old daughter and needed to do everything I could to be there for her. The amazing secondary breast cancer community online encouraged me to be my own advocate, so I reached out to my current oncologist, who told me that prognosis was out of date and there were new treatments on the horizon. Thanks to his support, I am living my fullest life possible.
I'm not a statistic
Gemma Duff, lawyer who helps to run the support community Secondary Sisters
I was told the mean survival for my diagnosis was four years. I wished I hadn’t been given this information as it left me with an ‘expiry date’ in my head. I know now I am not a statistic. Statistics don’t account for age, underlying health conditions or how you’ll respond to treatment. Trials and research develop so fast that statistics are often very quickly out of date anyway. After all, it was highly unlikely that my breast changes were cancer – I was ‘too young’ at 36 and had no family history – and yet I was diagnosed with stage 4/incurable breast cancer.
More about metastatic cancer
Annie Levy, hair & makeup designer
When cancer enters the bloodstream and grows elsewhere in the body, this is known as metastatic breast cancer (MBC), or stage 4 cancer. While the five-year survival rate for women with early-stage breast cancer is 99%, for those who metastasise this drops to 26%. The median survival rate after MBC diagnosis is three years. Despite the fact metastatic breast cancer is incurable, just 2-5% of the millions raised for breast cancer charities goes towards MBC research. If you’d like to ensure your donations go towards MBC-specific research, consider supporting METAvivor, currently the only organisation that solely funds MBC research, where 100% of donations go towards finding a cure.
What I wish I'd know about...breast cancer treatment
How to cope with the physical changes caused by treatment
Helen Bullen, business mentor & author
On top of a mastectomy, steroids caused weight gain and chemotherapy threatened my hair. Amid all the uncertainty, I craved control. Opting for a preemptive haircut, I transformed my shoulder-length hair into an Emma Willis-style pixie cut. By my second chemo infusion, my hair was falling out in handfuls, so I asked my husband to shave it off. As my hair returned, I avoided too much heat treatment and a curly mop eventually emerged. Regular trims and a frizz killer serum worked wonders for controlling it.
Where to find a safe haven
Sara Liyanage, writer & speaker
On completing my treatment, I wrote a book, Ticking Off Breast Cancer, and set up a website of practical advice, which is now the online information hub for the Future Dreams breast cancer charity. Future Dreams House in London is the supportive safe haven I wish I’d had during my treatment. It offers a range of online and in-person workshops and support groups. There are advice sessions, exercise classes, nutrition workshops and mental wellbeing sessions, as well as bra and wig fittings.
To ask more questions
Emma Kitchen, sales associate
Diagnosed at 30, I did whatever the doctors told me. It’s only now that I’m asking the questions I should have asked from the start, and finally understanding what I’ve been through:
Can you explain that in plain English? There’s a lot of medical jargon to get your head around.
How will treatment affect my periods? Long-term fertility is spoken about, but not the immediate effects, which can be concerning if unexpected.
Is this normal? People worry they’re bothering the nurses with too many questions, but never be afraid to ask if something doesn’t feel right.
How to dress for my new body
Nevo Burrell, image consultant & stylist
I recommend using colour to lift your mood, even just a bright scarf or lipstick. For skin sensitivity, wear natural fabrics. If you’ve had a mastectomy, single or double, visit a bra specialist such as Monica Harrington. And if you decide to stay flat, Skarlette Lingerie designs beautiful bras.
That losing my hair would be harder than losing my breast
Victoria Derbyshire, BBC journalist, host of Newsnight and host of award-winning podcast And Then Came Breast Cancer
I was told my breast cancer was treatable with a mastectomy, six rounds of chemotherapy and 30 cycles of radiotherapy. It was brutal, but I knew I could cope because it would save my life. What I didn’t know was that having a breast removed was not going to be the most traumatic part for me – losing most of my hair through chemotherapy was. I had preemptive conversations about wigs, but I hoped I’d be one of the lucky ones for whom the cold cap worked and my hair would be saved. I wasn’t – and I found it really hard. If I could have had a chat with someone who had been through that, it would have helped me prepare and deal with the loss.
What to eat
Dr Liz O'Riordan, breast surgeon
There are some foods you shouldn’t eat during chemotherapy, such as sushi and blue cheese, because of the risk of food poisoning. The Royal Marsden Cancer Cookbook was a lifesaver – it tells you what to eat when your taste changes, your mouth is sore or you feel sick. Check with your medical team before taking supplements, because some can interact with medication. The only ones you might need are calcium and vitamin D to strengthen your bones, depending on your medication. After cancer, you just need to eat a well-balanced diet with plenty of fruit and vegetables, and the guidelines for alcohol are five units a week.
How to care for my skin and nails
Anna Grant, lecturer
Chemotherapy increases your sensitivity to ultraviolet rays, so wear dark nail varnish to protect your nails from becoming brittle – water-based polish is best. Avoid using harsh chemicals such as acetone to remove it, and gels and acrylics should also be avoided due to the UV lamps. Your skin also becomes very sensitive after chemotherapy and radiotherapy, so use a natural moisturiser every day. My favourite is Tisserand Sweet Almond Oil with a drop of essential oil – frankincense for aching joints or lavender to relax. Elizabeth Arden’s All-Over Miracle Oil was great for my head when I lost my hair, and I use it to massage my surgery scars, too.
How my attitude to food would change
Vicky Deacon, Red Deputy Chief Sub-Editor
I wasn’t prepared for how much I’d worry about my diet when I was diagnosed. I’d always eaten healthily, but I also enjoyed a glass of wine most evenings, and the occasional treat. When I started treatment, it became hard to ignore all the information out there: what to eat, what to avoid, what supplements to take. There was so much conflicting advice and not all of it was medically sound. Three years later, I’ve learned not to overthink it. I miss my nightly glass of wine, but I haven’t cut it out completely. As my oncologist says: ‘The most important thing is to enjoy life.’
What I wish I'd know about...breast cancer recovery
How long recovery takes
Rebecca Hartley, Prevent Breast Cancer ambassador
I naively assumed once treatment was over I would bounce back quickly, but this was far from true. I was a single mum and my little boy needed me strong and well, so I worked with a personal trainer to slowly build back my strength and saw a counsellor, who helped me come to terms with my experience. I focused on self-care, from walks in nature to holistic treatments such as homeopathy, reiki and reflexology. There are certain things you can’t do during and in the immediate aftermath of chemo – such as massage – so these gentle alternatives helped me feel relaxed.
'All clear' is a myth
Rosamund Dean, journalist
Cancer treatment isn’t tied up in the neat bow we see in films – once you’ve had breast cancer, there’s always a risk it will come back. No doctor ever says the words, ‘You’ve got the all clear’ – the best you can hope for is ‘no evidence of disease’. This can be difficult when family want to celebrate the end of treatment. Speaking to other people in the same situation can help alleviate the ‘flat’ feeling that accompanies recovery.
The hardest part is when treatment ends
Laura Price, journalist
The hardest part of having cancer is when the treatment ends and you’re supposed to go back to ‘normal’ – this is often when the emotional toll of cancer hits. Find a community for support, whether through Instagram or a charity such as Maggie’s or Breast Cancer Now. If you’re returning to work, have an honest conversation with your boss about what you need going forward.
The benefits of yoga
Suzanna Leighton, yoga teacher
I trained as a Vinyasa flow yoga teacher back in 2006, but I needed it more than ever after breast cancer. One oncologist told me to ‘exercise everyday until you sweat’ to avoid recurrence, so I get on my mat every morning. Yoga helps with the creaky joints from Tamoxifen (a hormone therapy drug used to treat breast cancer), and it helps to alleviate the fear and panic that comes with being a breast cancer survivor.
If you or anyone you know needs breast cancer support, visit the NHS website for more information on charities and local groups offering information and support for breast cancer.
This feature originally appeared in the November 2023 issue of Red Magazine.
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