10 Thoughtful Tips for Spending the Holidays Alone, per a Therapist
For some people, spending a holiday alone is a welcome opportunity to recharge and enjoy a day of peace and quiet. For other people, it's less restful. Spending the holidays alone due to life circumstances like loss, divorce, financial burdens, family tension or other factors can cause people to grapple with an array of feelings. "I've been talking to a lot of people who have really been having politics divide their family, and they're not wanting to sit with family and have an argument over the holidays. And they'll choose to separate themselves from that. It's a choice that's being made that I think a lot of people are feeling maybe sad about," shares Dr. Patrice Le Goy, PhD, MBA, LMFT, and marriage and family therapist.
If you're spending an upcoming holiday alone, there are plenty of things to do by yourself that can make it a special day. You can cook yourself a special meal or order takeout, curl up with a good book or movie, or head out on a solo adventure. The beauty of a day alone is that you get to choose how you want it to look.
We've gathered up plenty of tips for spending the holiday alone, including self-care ideas and strategies for managing whatever feelings might come up for you and finding ways to feel connected.
Feel Your Feelings
If you're spending a holiday alone by choice or by circumstance, you might find yourself having complicated feelings. You might feel relief, guilt, sadness, anger, peace, or any other combination of feelings. Le Goy says you may even feel grief: "I think one thing that comes up for people is a little bit of grief around it because you may have had this picture of what the holidays could look like. People might think 'Oh, that feels so dramatic to say grieving,' but we all grieve ideas or hopes that we had."
Brainstorm Your Perfect Day
Spending a holiday alone means you get to determine exactly what it looks like. You could go for a hike, order in your favorite meal and watch a movie, or take a long bath with candles and wine — the day is truly yours. Lean into whatever it is you like to do.
"Make the day exactly what you want it to be without expectations about what other people are doing," advises Le Goy. "It's a reframing: This is what the holiday is for other people, and that's not what this holiday is for me. I'm choosing to make this holiday for me."
Create a Plan
"One thing you can do is be very intentional about the day you want to have and plan ahead," says Le Goy. "Sometimes if you're not thinking about it ahead of time, suddenly it's the day of and your friends are busy and no one's around, and it can be easier to sink into a depression about it.
Do some research ahead of time to see if your favorite restaurant is doing delivery orders on Thanksgiving. Maybe you check out a few books from the library you'd like to read and set them aside in anticipation of the day. Do whatever you can to make sure your plans are easy.
Limit Social Media Time
While social media can help you connect with others, it can also bring up challenging feelings. Seeing how other people are spending their holidays can make you feel self-conscious or judgmental about how you're spending your day.
Le Goy suggests gently reminding yourself that what you see on social media is very curated. You don't need to compare yourself to others. "Stay off social media for a couple of days," she says. "Give yourself a bit of leeway to design the day completely for yourself without the influence of other people."
Be Nice to Yourself
When you're feeling self-conscious about something, it's easy to judge yourself for it. If you find yourself thinking this way, consider how you might talk to a friend in the same situation.
If she told you she was spending the holiday alone for whatever reason and had plans to spend the day doing exactly what she wanted to, you probably wouldn't react with judgment. You might respond with admiration, warmth, and encouragement. See if you can give those feelings to yourself. "I think we are not always as generous with ourselves as we are with other people," notes Le Goy.
Connect With Others
If you don't want to spend the holiday alone, get creative with ways to spend it with others. Maybe you aren't spending it with your family members, but you can reach out to friends and see if there's anyone else staying in town for the holiday who might like to have dinner together. Maybe you organize a video chat to feel connected with your long-distance relatives. Or get vulnerable and ask your friend if you might be able to come to their holiday gathering. You might have to be open to different versions of what the holiday looks like, but you might be surprised by how much you enjoy it.
Volunteer
If spending the day entirely alone isn't for you, you can look for volunteer opportunities that will get you out of the house and interacting with people or animals. Places like animal shelters, homeless shelters and soup kitchens are likely to need volunteers on the holidays. Giving back also fosters a sense of gratitude and community that can help lift you up if you're feeling low.
Take a Trip
This admittedly requires a bit of planning ahead, but if you can swing it, why not go on a solo adventure for the holiday? Fly to another country, take a train to a new city, or embark on a road trip. If you can do so on the actual holiday, you may be able to avoid some of the traffic and chaos that happens in the day or two before the holiday. Plus, you'll make memories that last a lifetime.
Stay Busy
If the idea of sitting around watching TV or reading books and eating snacks sounds stifling, not relaxing, figure out another plan. For some people, keeping busy with a home improvement or organization project will be a better way to spend the day. Tackling that thing you've been meaning to get to will lend a sense of accomplishment to the day.
Write Down Your Thoughts
Another activity that you may want to add to the agenda is journaling or writing a letter. Whether you take this time to reflect on your feelings and goals in life or connect with someone you care about, putting pen to paper can be a special part of the holiday. You could even write a letter to yourself to open in a year. You could take this time to reflect on a Bible verse or mantra that means a lot to you in this season of life. Just write whatever feels right to you.
You Might Also Like
