Break ups are minging, there's no two ways about it. But the pain doesn't end there, the getting over a breakup and moving on can be just as gross as hard to navigate. Whether you were in a toxic relationship or a healthy partnership, sometimes you come out of a break up kind of hating your ex. You might obsess over how much hurt they've caused you, or go over all the awful things they did. But this isn't always productive or a constructive use of your emotional energy. Here, women explain how they stopped hating their ex and managed to move on.
1. "Anger can be motivating. If certain behaviour makes you angry, you're less likely to just sit there and accept it. Don't let your anger consume or control you, of course. But it's OK to still be angry if you were mistreated. If the anger's becoming obsessive, then it's important to block them on all social media. If you can't resist looking, then give the passwords to a friend and block the websites on your computer. Avoid places where you know your exes will be. Time and space are great healers." [via]
2. "Time. It’s been 10 years since I left him. I still hate what he did to me. I hate even more that I made the choice to put up with his abuse for years before leaving him. But I no longer hate him as a person or get angry at the thought of his existence." [via]
3. "I realised that everything he did to me wasn't even about me, but him. He had issues no one could help him with, except maybe a professional. I eventually forgave him because I felt sorry for him, and it did nothing in my life to hold onto bitterness and resentment. It only hurt me and stunted my future relationships, so I just one day realised I needed to allow myself to move on. Now I feel nothing but indifference towards him. I used to feel I hated him and I've accepted the fact that I can never be his friend or even really enjoy him as a person in my life, so indifference is OK with me." [via]
4. "I felt it was hurting me more than it was hurting him. He didn't really give two shits that I hated him, and meanwhile I was losing my mind every day over how much I hated him for what he did to me, crying and feeling my blood boil, and just emotionally exhausting myself. Eventually I just had to let it go. I still have moments where I hate him, but I try to let the feeling pass. I can be upset about what he did to me without it dangerously raising my blood pressure. I will never forget how he treated me, but I do try to make a conscious effort of not letting it get to me as much because it does nothing good for me. Time will help as well, and also therapy!" [via]
5. "Just knowing they were out of my life for good was enough to help me get over it. Sure, I sometimes have the occasional disgusted thought of them, but it passes and turns to relief when I think of how much better my life is without them in it." [via]
6. "I don't hate him, but I do hate the way he left me. What helped me was spending more time with my friends, traveling, and falling for someone else. Being full of positive emotions left no room for hate." [via]
7. "After months of feeling horrible and going over how wronged I was, I simply chose to be happy. I chose to stop thinking about him, which took some doing but every single time I caught myself thinking about something he did or how unhappy he made me I forced myself to stop. At first I used 'Over the Rainbow' for lack of a better method, it was something else I could immediately switch my mind to. I'd just start singing 'Over the Rainbow' in my head. After a while it was a habit NOT to think about him. And that's how I got over the hatred and bad feelings."
8. "I had to accept that the hatred didn’t do anything positive for me, or bad to my ex. I still sometimes feel upset about everything that happened, but I also know my ex is just a person, like me, and people are often weak, stupid, and selfish. Holding on to hatred won’t change the past, and it won’t make my ex change into a better person. All it does is make it harder for me to move on."
9. "I decided that I was still letting them hold power over me, and I didn’t like that. So I stopped." [via]
10. "At some point you’ll realise that you are still giving them your emotional energy and that they don’t deserve it. Being angry/upset/resentful is a perfectly reasonable response to someone who mistreated you, but at the point that those feelings stop helping you process and learn, then that’s the point where you should try to start letting go of those negative feelings."
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