Women And Men Confessed How Threesomes Impacted Their Romantic Partnerships, And It's Extremely Eye-Opening
Reddit user United-Detective-118 asked the community, "Men whose marriage/relationship survived a threesome, how did you do it?"
Well, not only did men share some of their stories, but it inspired women to reveal some of their own, too.
Some relationships grew stronger after having a threesome, while others considered it a slippery slope (pun intended). It only proves there are two sides to the coin, and everyone's sexual experiences are different.
So, here's what some women and men had to say:
Note: Some submissions are from our BuzzFeed Community.
1."Our first threesome actually saved our relationship. I made a comment about her friend because we were fighting, and although it was in bad taste, she made it happen. She's bi and that threesome was a great way for her to have sex with a woman without 'feeling guilty.' We pleased that girl like it was our job as a team. It brought us back together, and we have done it a few more times since. We basically like working together to make someone cum as hard as possible. We've had another man as well, and that was the first time she let me try anal. To this day the only time I get ass is if her pussy is full. She's such a sexy woman, a great mom, and she's about to start her own business. If she ever leaves me I'll just die because no other woman has a chance at comparing to her."
2."My ex and I were looking to do a threesome, but we were trying to be as objective as possible. We didn't ask anyone we knew or were really familiar with. I had followed this girl on IG (she was from high school — never talked to her at all. Only a few 'hellos' and that was it). I asked her how she felt about having a threesome with us, and she agreed. The threesome ended up happening. The entire time I had to make sure I was somewhat paying attention to both women equally (but obviously leaning my attention towards my girlfriend at the time). Overall it was a good experience for all of us, but it's mostly managing their emotions. I had my girlfriend start first before I did anything because I felt like it would make her feel some type of way."
3."We talked a ton, set expectations, set hard and fast rules, picked out a guy together, did it outside our household, and I did all the communication with the guy. Basically, we did everything we could to make our fantasy a reality while not jeopardizing the love and trust at the core of our relationship."
"One key thing that we talked about was to keep in mind that she might have an earth-shattering orgasm from another guy because of the circumstances. But that doesn’t mean she is automatically more sexually compatible with him.
You can’t create a fantasy scenario and then get upset that it was everything she dreamed it would be."
4."I used to be the third for a couple about 10 years ago. Was it hot? Oh yes. Was it a good idea? Depends on who you ask. The husband apparently had a sexual awakening and eventually identified as gay. He and his wife divorced after about a year of us playing when she caught him with ANOTHER guy without her. I've always had mixed feelings about it."
5."I had a threesome with my ex and a good friend of his. They didn’t interact with each other and focused entirely on me. I felt really awkward and weird for a long time afterward when we’d see his friend. Although at the time it was definitely hot, I wouldn’t do it again."
6."My wife and I were 'swingers' for over five years, and experienced threesomes, foursomes, orgies — basically most combinations. I’m straight, she’s not. We were married for a long time before we added others in, and when we got into this, it was because we wanted to have sexual experiences that weren’t possible with just one dick and one vagina."
"Talk about this with each other. When you think you’ve covered everything there is to cover, talk more. Figure out what your hard limits are (as in, ask each other about various scenarios and situations. Is he okay with her getting a facial from another dude, is she okay with him giving another girl a facial? If one partner steps out of the room to go the bathroom, is there an expectation that play stops until he/she returns?
The things that are intimate between the two of you are intimate because of your relationship. Kissing another woman/dude wasn't intimate in this context for us.
Before you go down this path, learn to put your partner first. If you approach this as an opportunity to get some new pussy/dick, you’re selfish but more importantly, you’ll piss your partner off at some point because you’re not doing this for the two of you — you’re doing it for yourself.
My wife and I had a lot of debriefs after an experience where we felt like one or the other broke a rule of ours. But the truth was just that there was some ambiguity and confusion. Your partner has your best interests at heart, and isn’t trying to do anything to hurt you.
And if a threesome is something you hope to do to 'save' your relationship, don't do it. It should be something you are both excited to experience together. It’s supposed to enhance your relationship, not destroy it."
7."I had a threesome with my ex-girlfriend and another girl. I focused mainly on my ex with lots and lots of reassurance before, during, and after. I wasn't involved really in the first part of it, either, so I think that helped. Plus, my ex wanted it and even agreed to do it again, except she wanted to choose the girl next time because she said my friend (the third, the only one I trusted enough to do it and would agree to it) wasn't attractive enough for her. A threesome never happened again for us (and the relationship didn't end because of the threesome — it lasted for years after)."
8."My girlfriend and I have threesomes several times a year (sometimes with women and sometimes with men). It’s definitely an interesting feeling when you’re watching them go at it. If you aren’t prepared for how to manage that in the moment and afterward, you definitely shouldn’t be trying to do threesomes or swaps."
9."I had a threesome with my female partner and another woman, and I was miserable. The cliff notes version is I didn't like her friend. Her friend was okay looking but not so bright. I had such a big dislike for this woman that I didn't get turned on by her touching me. I only agreed because I was 17 and horny."
10."Well, most of our threesomes have been with wives in couples who we’ve already 'swapped' with, so that changes the dynamic compared to a threesome with a single person. But we’ve also had some with single women, and that’s been fine, too. We’ve had probably somewhere between 15 and 20 MFF threesomes and a couple MFFF experiences in the last three years, and our relationship is stronger than ever before."
"The most important thing is that your relationship needs to be rock-solid first. Bringing other people into your sex life amplifies everything. If your relationship is good, it can make everything even better. If there are any cracks, though, they can be amplified and make everything worse.
Sex with others is not a replacement for bad sex in your relationship. It can be an enhancement, though, to a good sex life. The real crux of this is confidence that you still feel like you're your partner’s favorite.
You have to reassure your partner before, and after that, you still appreciate them and want them more than anyone else that you add in."
11."Threesomes aren't worth it for most couples. I (46M) had a threesome with my girlfriend (40F) and a female sex worker (who was probably around 27). It was my girlfriend's idea. The sex worker showed up, we were all a couple of glasses of wine in, and then the 'party started.' She went down on me, then went down on my girlfriend. I go down on her from behind while she’s going down on my girlfriend. Then my girlfriend tells me to fuck her. I look her in the face to make sure she means it. She does and then starts passionately kissing the woman."
"I get to business with the sex worker from behind while watching my girlfriend make out with this smoke show. It was a fantasy.
The night ends and everyone is happy, except that I can’t shake the mental picture of my girlfriend sticking her tongue down this woman’s throat with WAY more enthusiasm than she's ever kissed me.
Fast forward, my girlfriend mentions me fucking this other woman multiple times as our relationship continues. Clearly, it bothered her, and she didn’t feel about it how she expected to beforehand.
It isn't the reason why our relationship ended, but it did change it."
12."I’ve done a lot of threesomes and had group sex when I was in a relationship. Without fail, the secret to successful group sex is communication. Expressing your desires in a supportive manner, listening to your partner(s) and adjusting accordingly, being respectful, reassuring, and giving. Make sure everyone is doing it for the right reasons (the third doesn’t have feelings for one person in the couple and vice versa). The couple is equally enthusiastic about it; everyone agrees on soft and hard limits."
"At least for my relationship, after the action is done for the night, the third would leave shortly after. Then, we reconnected and talked about the experience.
We showered together and were physically and emotionally intimate. We shared our vulnerabilities about the threesome with each other."
13."We've been in an open relationship for five years. I don't think our relationship would survive without the occasional three or foursome. We date separately as well. The key is communication."
14."We sort of stumbled into one with her best friend at the time. Was not planned at all, but we went with it. We didn’t know what was really going on and what 'rules' there were. For the most part it was her watching me and my wife. We left that night sort of speechless, honestly. We talked about it a little and sort of said, 'WTF just happened?' Guess we sort of swept it under the rug after that. We've been happily married for four years and counting."
15."The threesome was easy — we just looked a bunch of stuff up. Despite the general consensus, threesomes don't destroy relationships. What destroys them is people entering those situations half-cocked. We looked up every possible horrible outcome and took time to discuss it all in excruciating detail with everyone involved before touching took place."
16."Having a threesome was part of us opening our relationship. We went about very carefully and took a break to discuss and reflect every step of the way. First it was just being watched by someone else, the next time the other person was allowed to touch, the time after that we met with a couple and made out and tried oral. The threesome was fun and the first of many. My wife is bi and the woman was bi, so everyone was able to make out, pleasure and be pleasured by everyone else. We were all into each other and communicated beforehand what we are. As for MMF, I do not participate in those. My wife is free to have them, but for me personally, it's a limiting version of sex that includes a bunch of turn-offs."
17.And finally, "The way we survived it was by taking it slooooooow. I waited two full years from the first time she suggested it to actually do it. During that time we had a lot of conversations about it, and I came to understand that she really wasn't jealous and was open to the experience. We'd been married a long time, and her beliefs about monogamy were changing and she was willing to approach it in a way that I was comfortable with (aka no dudes having penetrative sex with her). If you try it, don't worry — your first experience might be a little choppy. Pleasing two women isn't as easy as it sounds. We've since had three ways with two different women and also play frequently with a female bisexual couple (with them I have to please three women). Truth is, they spend most of the time pleasing each other and you fill in with stunt cock as needed. Everybody wins."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
