A Woman's Family Couldn't Believe She Had The Audacity To Offer Them Ramen Noodles For Christmas
Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it.
Today's case is a personal favorite. It involves family, money, and the holidays. This story comes from u/No-Elevator3324. She said she is a 27-year-old woman with a 4-year-old son. "We just moved into our first apartment this past September. After saving money for almost four years and working three jobs we were finally able to get our own place. However, like last year, we cannot afford to get everyone gifts."
"This year is especially difficult as I am not even sure how I will get my son anything, and I have a total of almost 37–40 people in my immediate family for whom I typically have to get gifts. In the past, I have suggested doing Secret Santa, which everyone seemed to go for. However, they would want to do a separate gift exchange afterward, almost defeating the purpose of doing a Secret Santa. Not to mention, the price limit is typically set to almost $100, which I just simply cannot do."
"I’ve tried to explain before that I can’t afford to keep doing this and for everyone to just not get me anything, but it’s always met with an awkward conversation of, 'Oh, well you only have to spend five dollars it’s not that much.' And no matter how much I say I can’t, it doesn’t seem to register."
"So this year, my family started sharing what they all want for Christmas, and I again said I couldn’t do Christmas and to please not include me or my son as we won’t be able to get anyone anything. It was met with the same response, so I simply said, OK."
"Then, as everyone was sending their ideas in our group chat, I sent over the following, 'Hi everyone! I have said a couple times that I can’t afford to do Christmas this year, however, it seems there has been some confusion as to what that means. So, just to make everyone aware, you will be receiving ramen noodles as that is what I can give. Kindly send the flavor of your choice, otherwise the flavor will be given at random.'”
"Not even five minutes after I sent the message, I was removed from the group and got a bunch of messages saying that I was an asshole and should have just said nothing. I don’t know what else I can do, and frankly, I’m at a point where I’m too depressed to care. So, am I the asshole?"
A majority of people said she was not the asshole, and expressed how unrealistic it is for ANYONE to have to buy gifts for 30–40 people. User Medium_Ad416 said, "Your family needs a reality check on what Christmas is actually about. It’s not a gift grab."
"If this gift exchange is so important then someone, such as the original poster's parents, should give her money to buy presents. That is what I did for my adult daughter a couple of years ago when she was feeling financially daunted by Christmas," said user Derby-983.
User Emma3190 suggested a way for her to diffuse the situation while still asserting her boundaries. "I'm sorry for what you're going through, I'm sure life is hectic enough without worrying about this... It may be worth texting and saying that you didn't mean to cause offense but the sentiment still stands: You can't afford to give gifts. And you'd appreciate not being guilted [and] ostracized as a result."
"Not the asshole. I find Christmas revolting for many reasons, [and] one is the insane financial stress it places on people. Don’t fret, I think your ramen noodle flavor comment was hilarious 😂, but clearly your family didn’t and that’s actually who matters here," said user pixie-ann.
"Let the dust settle, and maybe you can have a chat with a few people to apologize if you think it's necessary."
And user Ali_Cat222 suggested the original poster consider the people she's being asked to buy gifts for before feeling guilty. "Out of those 40 people, how many of them could you even consider a helping hand or a friend?"
"Outside of being a family member, I'd highly doubt that it's more than a couple [of them]. The fact that they can't accept you saying 'no' makes me think it's not many."
Also, a lot of users shared how their big families handle gift-giving for the holidays. "We did a white elephant Christmas last year and laughed so hard. [It] was a great time. $20 limit. People really used their imaginations, and watching people steal gifts was so fun," said user starbellbabybena.
User Maid_of_Mischeif shared, "I had a huge family Christmas situation when I was younger. Easily 50–100 people including all the kids... I’m so glad I don't have to deal with that level of chaos."
"And when you’re mass gifting like that, it’s always cheap, impersonal gifts that nobody really wanted or used anyway. Everyone chewed out my brother for giving out cleaning products one year."
However, user QuirkyMeerkat's family might've had the most unique approach. "This reminds me of what my grandmother did one year. Since we're also a massive family, we don't do a family gift exchange, but she absolutely loved giving gifts. So one year she found toilet paper with mind puzzles printed on it, like Sudoku, Noughts & Crosses, etc. Each person got a pack of toilet paper and a pen that year and was (lightheartedly) told to stop being full of shit."
And many users gave the original poster some advice for how to stick to her very reasonable boundary. "I also wouldn't attend the gathering especially with your kid. They will make remarks and your kid will pick up on it and feel bad for you and themselves. It's a good time to make new traditions," said user Reddog8it.
"Don’t even give them the damn ramen noodles, use that money to get your son a small but nice gift. He’s young enough where I guarantee one toy and then the memories you make on the day will far outweigh a whole Christmas tree of presents," said user UnPracticed_Pagan.
"It’s nice to give a gift when it’s met without expectation. Your extended family just sounds greedy."
And finally, user ProfileElectronic probably gave the most straightforward advice. "Coal. I would have quietly sent all of them coal."
What do you think? Did she handle the situation poorly, or is her family out of line? Let us know in the comments.
Comments have been edited for length and clarity.
