A Woman Went Viral After Saying She Has "Ugly Privilege" — Here's What It Means And What It Says About Society Today
You might be familiar with what "pretty privilege" is — the idea that conventionally attractive people reap more benefits from society due to their looks — but have you ever considered "ugly privilege?"
Well, in a recent TikTok, which has been viewed over a million times, 38-year-old Sarah (@sarahs.tok) went viral for explaining what it means to have "ugly privilege," and it's caused a lot of discourse.
TikTok: @sarahs.tok / Via tiktok.com
Sarah, an Ontario native, has talked about having ugly privilege in previous videos but wanted to make a TikTok clarifying what it is — and what it isn't. In the video, Sarah says that whenever she mentions having ugly privilege, she receives comments similarly refuting her claim. "A lot of people will come on the comments and say, 'Oh, but you're not ugly, you're pretty," she explains. "And, firstly, thank you for comments like that. It's really, really kind, and it's really nice to see."
But how Sarah sees it, "ugly privilege" doesn't boil down to how you physically think about yourself. "It's not that I necessarily think I'm an ugly individual," she says in the video. "But when I say I have ugly privilege, what I mean by that is men, in general, don't find me attractive. For the most part, men think I'm ugly, and they leave me alone. And to me, that's a privilege."
Sarah further explains that she knows men aren't attracted to her because they don't flirt with her, try to get her number, or ask her out. "Men in real life mostly leave me alone," she says. "It's very rare that I get male attention in real life, which is why it makes me so freaking uncomfortable when it happens."
And that, to Sarah, is the privilege. Ending the TikTok, she says, "It's a privilege to be left alone by men because they find me ugly."
But the 38-year-old isn't the only one who feels the relief of not being perceived by men. Sarah's TikTok has received over 3,500 comments, many of them from women who share the same experience. One user commented, "I absolutely experience this. My sister is gorgeous and there are so many things she can't do because of harassment. I get to do so much more in life." Another TikToker said, "this is why I solo travel a lot. I get left alone, I know I'm not found attractive by men. I've learned to just get over my ego because I'm given my peace."
As it appears, Sarah's experience with ugly privilege isn't singular or unique, but she became aware of how different she was treated from her other friends at a young age. But as she got older, Sarah told BuzzFeed that she realized some peace of mind comes with a lack of attention and that she didn't realize how much she liked being left alone until entering her 30s. "I've seen my friends deal with so much nonsense from men, and I've seen so many women on social media deal with male nonsense that I realized as I got older that it's nice not to have to put up with that," she said.
But considering not being perceived by men as a privilege speaks on how women view men in this society. As Sarah puts it, she thinks society has taken a wrong turn somewhere with many men. She told BuzzFeed, "Too many men don't understand things like boundaries and consent. Too many men don't want to grow and rise to the level women are at — they want women to drop down to their level because they don't want to do the work to grow as people. And not having to deal with those men is a privilege."
That said, it's important to understand and not minimize other women's experiences with men. As Sarah told BuzzFeed, some women might get the impression that because they don't receive as much attention from the male gaze, it might be difficult to believe that other women have different experiences, which is a harmful trait and mindset to have. "I've never felt that way because I've seen my friends get catcalled. I've seen my friends deal with men. So even though I wasn't really experiencing it myself, I saw it a lot," Sarah said.
Further, in a different video, Sarah stresses that ugly privilege shouldn't be treated as having some sort of immunity from men and sexual harassment and violence. "There are men out there who will do those things to just about anyone," she says. "I just wanna make sure people are aware of that so that we don't get too comfortable feeling like we're invisible."
All in all, though women who see themselves as having "ugly privilege" seemingly reap the benefits of generally being left alone by men, it's critical to believe and trust women and their stories. As Sarah puts it, "I think it's important to believe women when they talk about their experiences," whether they have ugly privilege or not.
What do you think about "ugly" and "pretty" privileges? If you identify with having one or the other, what benefits have you noticed receiving? Let us know in the comments!
For more content from Sarah, you can follow her on TikTok.
