The woman, who goes by the username u/landofsunshine1 on Reddit, asked for feedback about her choice in a post shared to the subreddit AITA [Am I the a**hole], where she revealed that she decided to bring her own meal because she had concerns about allergen cross-contaminations, but that it ultimately angered the bride.
According to the Reddit user, 21, the incident took place during her older brother’s recent wedding, which she noted was completely vegan because her new sister-in-law has been vegan since she was 12 and recently converted OP’s brother.
“Basically, this meant that all the catering was vegan food, even the alcohol, and they used petals from their garden instead of plastic confetti and things like that to make the wedding as eco-friendly as possible,” she explained. “I have no problem with any of this and think it’s great.”
However, the woman said she did have concerns about the food that would be provided during the wedding, because she has multiple severe food allergies and wasn’t sure if she could trust the local neighbourhood business hired by the bride and groom.
“The issue I often have with eating anywhere is that I have multiple allergies: peanuts, soy, sesame and a mild shellfish allergy as well,” she explained, adding that she was “wary” because the peanut, soy and sesame allergies are especially severe and have landed her in the hospital due to cross-contamination.
According to the woman, she spoke with her brother about her food restrictions before the event, but wasn’t comfortable taking a chance because the couple was using “a local neighbourhood business as the catering service instead of something professional” and because her allergens “were ingredients in many of the dishes”.
“It felt too risky, so I said I’d bring my own food and he agreed that was the best option. I’ve done this with plenty of such events in the past and it’s never been a problem,” she explained.
However, the woman said an issue arose on the day of the wedding, when she pulled out the tupperware meal that she made with eggs, at which point she said the bride looked at her in “horror”.
“I had bought a homemade sort of salad box which had two eggs on top and she literally just stared at me in disgust the entire time we ate without saying anything. After the meal is finished, she pulled me to the side and said I ‘ruined her meal and her appetite’ and ‘ruined her day’ and that I’m clearly ‘a selfish person because I can’t even go one meal without animal secretions in a vegan wedding’ and that it was seriously disrespectful because the fact it was a vegan wedding was the main focus,” the Reddit user continued.
The woman concluded the post explaining that she had only brought her own food because the couple wasn’t able to provide her with something safe to eat, and that the bride must have been “specifically staring” at the meal to recognise the eggs in the dish. However, she ultimately questioned whether she was wrong after her brother told her the meal she brought was in “poor taste” and she should have brought something else.
The post has since been upvoted more than 8,000 times, with hundreds of Reddit users weighing in in the comments.
According to the majority of users, the woman was NTA [not the a**hole] because she received permission to bring her own meal beforehand.
Rather, many suggested that the woman’s brother was actually at fault for not informing his partner that his sister would be bringing her own meal, and for not telling his sister that the meal she brought had to be vegan.
“If the expectation was for the wedding to be 100 per cent vegan, your brother should have brought that up when you asked about bringing your own meal. Or better yet - if they’re so particular, they could have provided a vegan meal you could be safe eating,” one person wrote.
Another said: “NTA. You talked it out and got permission to bring your own food. You did your due diligence. From there, it is the responsibility of your brother to mention to his new wife what is going on.”
“Unless they specifically asked you to make a vegan meal, it makes complete sense to not necessarily make your own food 100 per cent vegan. Also, by the sound of it, you are deathly allergic to three common replacements for animal products,” someone else wrote.
However, others suggested that OP should have thought to bring a vegan-friendly dish considering the lengths the couple went to to make the wedding vegan.
“I don’t think OP is [an a**hole] but I would not have brought something non-vegan to a vegan wedding. Especially something as conspicuously non-vegan as an egg (like, no one would have noticed a bit of parmesan or some caesar dressing),” one person wrote.
Another person claimed: “If someone is going to such great lengths to make their wedding 100 per cent vegan and eco-conscious, it’s just common sense.”
“Put some chickpeas on your salad instead,” they added.
According to someone else, it should have been “really easy” for the woman to bring a vegan dish that was safe to eat, and it should have “been obvious that a loudly vegan wedding wouldn’t want animal products at it”.
“And it would have been the courteous and sensitive thing to do,” they continued, adding: “Also cold hard boiled eggs stink of cold hard boiled eggs.”