The 24 year old, who goes by the username U/idiotrichboyfriend on Reddit, posed the question in the subreddit AITA [Am I the A**hole], where she wrote: “AITA for moving out because I don’t want to help my boyfriend out with rent?”
In the post, the woman then explained that she and her boyfriend, 26, have been together for three years, and that, up until recently, they lived together in New York City. However, she said he recently asked her to contribute half to their rent, at which point she decided to find a cheaper apartment with roommates in a borough outside of Manhattan.
According to the woman, her boyfriend makes $200,000 a year, while she currently has no income because she is studying for her masters in social work and doing a year-long unpaid internship three days a week. “I spend 12 hours everyday either working, studying, commuting, or in class,” she explained, adding: “My only free days are on weekends so I have no time for a paid job. My mom helps me financially by paying for my metrocard and healthcare expenses, but everything else I rely on loans.”
The Reddit user then recalled how she’d moved into her boyfriend’s apartment at his request because she was dealing with a roach infestation in her previous apartment and her lease was ending soon.
“At first I joked with him that his living standards would go down since I can’t afford a nice place, but he insisted on paying the rent until I finish grad school, then we would split the rent based on income,” she recalled.
According to the woman, she’d also initially pushed for the couple to live in a cheaper apartment, but acquiesced to moving into her boyfriend’s current apartment because he likes it and because he “insisted I move in since he would be the one paying the rent”.
“So I moved into his $5,000-a-month luxury condo in the city this August,” she wrote.
In the post, the woman then said the issue arose when her boyfriend “all of a sudden” asked her to start paying $2,500 a month to cover her half of the rent. According to the 24 year old, her boyfriend made the request after talking to his friends, who allegedly told him it was “weird” that she doesn’t pay rent, and claimed she was a “gold digger” because of the situation.
The request prompted the woman to remind her boyfriend that she wouldn’t be able to pay the amount, at which point he said she was “leeching” off him.
“So I told him that he should find someone within his social class so he doesn’t have to worry about a gold digger like me leeching off of him. I stayed at my friend’s place for a few days while figuring out what to do,” she continued.
The woman then revealed that she called her mother to discuss the situation, at which point her mom offered to give her $800 a month for rent. According to the Reddit user, she began searching for apartments within the price point in Queens. After viewing the apartments, she then signed a new lease with roommates.
However, according to the woman, when she told her boyfriend about her new apartment, he got upset and asked her to stay. He also said he was willing to accept the $800 a month her mother could afford to contribute, rather than the $2,500 he’d initially requested.
“I told my boyfriend about my new place and he got upset and asked me to stay. He said that he was willing to accept $800 a month instead of $2,500 a month if that’s all I can afford, but I told him I don’t want him changing his mind again and demanding more money from me in the future,” she explained.
The Reddit user also noted that her boyfriend has lived in his current condo “alone for several years” and has been able to afford the rent without her help.
She did acknowledge, however, that she wouldn’t mind splitting rent with him if they found a cheaper apartment.
In the post, the woman then revealed that some of the couple’s “mutual friends” have since claimed she was being unreasonable for moving out “instead of talking to him and staying by paying the amount I can afford in rent,” and that she shouldn’t have let him pay her portion of the rent to begin with.
In response to the post, which has been upvoted more than 18,000 times since it was shared last week, many Reddit users have assured the woman that she is not the wrong one in the scenario.
“NTA [not the a**hole]. They think you’re being unreasonable? That’s rich. He literally convinced you to move into his apartment, turning down your offers to find a cheaper place so you could contribute,” one person wrote. “The fact that his friends see you as a gold digger and don’t appear to know the full story (the fact that you offered to pay and to find a cheaper place and he insisted otherwise) is also a red flag to me and makes me question how he talks about you to his friends.
“Definitely NTA and I would question why you would want to date someone who is so easily influenced by his friends’ uninformed opinions of you.”
According to someone else, the “audacity” of the woman’s boyfriend to “suddenly demand” half the rent, despite knowing that she could not afford it, makes him seem “weak-willed, thin-skinned, self-centred, kinda manipulative, and a terrible negotiator”.
“You made the right call!! He tried the old bait and switch.This is the first flower in a red flag bouquet. Enjoy your new apartment and the peace of mind that comes with it. NTA,” someone else wrote.
The claim that the boyfriend’s actions were a red flag was reiterated by many of the commenters, with many urging the OP [original poster] to consider ending the relationship.
As for how she handled the situation, the Reddit user revealed in an update to her post that she ultimately decided to break up with her boyfriend.
“Update: yes I did dump him. I blocked him and his idiot friends on everything. My friends also blocked him since he tried to contact me through them. I’m going to enjoy being single and never relying on a man financially ever again,” she wrote.