The woman who posted the thread on Reddit said while she knows it "sounds awful," she wondered if it would be okay to ask a friend to return her $400 baby shower gift after having a miscarriage
A woman has gone viral after questioning whether she can ask a friend to return her baby shower gift after she experienced a "traumatic miscarriage."
Last week, a woman on Reddit sparked debate after starting a thread on the "Am I The A------" forum where she asked for others' opinions on whether her request is a "terrible thing to do."
The user began by explaining that the woman she gave the gift to is a "long-term family friend" of her husband's.
"Jen and I aren't friends at all but we are friendly when we see each other. When Jen had her first kid my husband purchased a fairly expensive item off of her baby shower registry as a gift (around $200-$300 if I recall correctly)," she wrote. "I had no issue with the gift or how much he spent, it was a nice item to gift her and we were excited for her to grow her family with her then-boyfriend now husband."
"Fast forward a few years, Jen and her husband are high earners (both making over 6 figures). Jen announced she was pregnant again very early along and sent my husband her baby shower registry with her announcement text which was full of high priced items," she continued.
While the user admitted she thought it was "strange" for Jen to have a registry as she "should still have most of the items from her first kid," she went along with the ask and was "fine" that her husband spent around $400 on the gift.
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"A few weeks later Jen had a traumatic miscarriage," the user shared. "I won't get into the details but she was devastated and the cause of the loss likely means she won't be able to carry future pregnancies to term. It's incredibly sad and while I'm not close with Jen my heart hurt for her."
Now, months later, the user wrote she and her husband are "unsure" of how to "navigate the gift."
"It's not something she can use for her older kid. Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore to her grief, and it's probably past the return window anyway. I'm also not sure if she's going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet," she continued. "Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel. My husband and I are also decently high earners but $400 is still a lot of money."
"It's one thing if she's able to get a few years of use out of the item, that's money well spent. But if it's going to sit in a box in her attic for years....that's where we are getting stuck," she added, asking if she and her husband would "be the a------ if we asked about getting the gift back."
"Ideally we could get our money back somehow although it's probably too late," she mused. "If we can't then I'd at least like to gift it to someone else who can use it (I feel awful just saying that but it's how I feel). However, this is such a sensitive subject and we don't want to pressure her if she's not ready to discuss it."
The thread has received more than 1,500 comments, with many users asserting that she should not be asking for the gift back.
"[You are the a------]. it was a gift. It shouldn't come with terms and conditions. You gave it away. It's gone," wrote one user, while another agreed not to "kick someone when they're down."
"You decided to spend a lot of money on a gift. Maybe give less in the future if you are going to feel resentful later," another commenter wrote. "But do NOT add to this woman's pain so you can get your money back. That's monstrous."
In an update to the thread, the original poster confirmed she will not be asking Jen back for her gift.
"We don't want to make her feel worse than she already is," she wrote. "Given her statements in the past regarding adoption I doubt she will find alternative ways to have another child if she is unable to do so biologically. But that's her path to walk. If she doesn't use it I hope she at least donates the item to someone who needs it."
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