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We were denied the right to become civil partners - but we'll spend another £25k fighting back

Rebecca Steinfeld and Charles Keidan had been in a relationship for three years when they decided to make it official. “We were on holiday in the Pyrenees,” reminisces Steinfeld, now 35. “We had one of those serious conversations about committing to each other. It was clear we wanted to - but we wanted to do it in a way that was in keeping with our values.” That meant no traditional engagement ring, no man getting down on one knee, and most controversially of all, no talk of marriage.

“There is nothing wrong with it,” explains Steinfeld. “But it just isn’t right for us, and isn’t for lots of other people. We see each other as partners - not as husband and wife - and we didn’t want all the social pressures and expectations that surround marriage, like the bride wearing white virginal dresses and being given away by her father.”

The couple realised they wanted a civil partnership, which they felt offered the same legal protections as marriage, in terms of property rights and exemptions from inheritance tax, but did not come with the “fuss and fanfare” of a wedding. Of course, many modern couples now opt for private registry weddings where they ignore traditional marriage customs.

Yet Steinfeld says that was not an option for them, as it would still mean they become husband and wife. British law states only same-sex couples can become civil partners, so the pair decided to launch a legal battle against the Government, arguing that they were being discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. After four long years and thousands of pounds, their case was rejected this week by the Court of Appeal.

We had no idea then we’d get to the position we’re in now, nor that it would be so hard or arduous a process

Charles Keidan

While the judges accepted there was a potential breach of their human rights, they maintained the government needed more time to decide to the future of civil partnerships. “Naturally we were disappointed,” says Steinfeld, who had believed their fight was over. “But it was actually a very narrow loss. The three judges agree with our argument that just getting married is not sufficient, and they have a very short time now in which to act to open civil partnerships to all.”

The couple now hopes that the government will decide on its own accord to introduce civil partnerships for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. If not, they will have to continue their legal battle, and spend at least £25,000 on another appeal.

“It’s an extremely onerous amount on a young couple with a child, so we hope that if it comes to an appeal, people who support us will dig deep,” says Steinfeld, admitting that though they have had free legal advice and donations via crowdfunding, they have already spent around £7,000 of their own money.

“We had no idea then we’d get to the position we’re in now, nor that it would be so hard or arduous a process,” admits Keidan. “Once we’d made the decision - which we don’t regret for one minute - we were past the point of no return.”

She and Keidan, both academics, first met at the London School of Economics during a lecture on Gaza in 2010. It didn’t take them long to realise that they shared a similar outlook on life, and have been together ever since, living in Hammersmith, west London. “We see ourselves as equal partners,” says Keidan, who splits childcare and domestic responsibilities with his partner, and refuses to be photographed with his wife’s back to him for fear of it implying inequality. 

I remember quite vividly when we told Charlie’s mum we were engaged to be civil partners, she said ‘fantastic, at least you’re doing something!’

Rebecca Steinfeld

They had their 21-month-old daughter Eden in the midst of their legal battle, and decided to give her the surname of Keidstein - a combination of their surnames. They are still deciding what they would do with their own should their civil partnership ever happen.  Both Steinfeld and Keidan were raised in families with happily married parents.

“I grew up on Disney films like the next person, with the idealisation of romantic love and marriage being the pinnacle of that, and it all being about glass slippers and amazing jewellery,” Steinfeld says. “But there came a point when I understood the problematic history of marriage. The same is true for Charlie.” Luckily, their more traditional parents have come round to their way of thinking. “I remember quite vividly when we told Charlie’s mum we were engaged to be civil partners, she said ‘fantastic, at least you’re doing something!’” laughs Steinfeld. “For parents whose kids don’t want to marry, they’re thrilled there could be something on the horizon to offer them protections.”

Their fight has also struck a chord with more than 70,000 who have signed a petition in favour of civil partnerships being open to all, and they believe the 3.3 million cohabiting couples in the UK would also benefit from a change in law. The legal basis for their argument is that they are being discriminated against as a straight couple. However, some have taken offence at the thought that the discrimination they face, as an educated middle-class straight couple, is worth a court battle.

Now that same-sex marriage is legal, civil partnerships are arguably no longer necessary. Yet Steinfeld points out that there have still been more than 2,500 such ceremonies in England and Wales since same-sex marriage was legalised, suggesting there is still a need for it. “There’s also a misconception they’re a threat to marriage, which we strongly reject.”

She and Keidan are now reconciled to the fact that their four-year engagement will doubtless roll on for several more years, but they will not stop fighting for the day where they can walk out of a registry office, hand in hand, as civil partners. “It would be a simple, formal arrangement,” says Keidan, imagining the ceremony they have spent so long battling for. “We could express our values in a way that’s important to us. But, given all the thousands of people who have come to support us, it would also be an opportunity to thank them” and, Steinfeld smiles, “have a mega party.” 

FAQ | Civil partnerships