“But who’s watching the kids?” Why it’s time to retire this question forever
Have you seen the trend taking over social media #womeninmalefields? It’s full of inspiring, accomplished women sharing the discrimination, absurd comments, and double standards they face daily. For so many working moms—whether in male-dominated fields or not—this hits home, doesn’t it?
Case in point: a recent viral Instagram video posted by Dr. Betsy Grunch, a neurosurgeon, and Dr. Alexandra Larissa, a surgeon, calling out the double standards they face. Their response to the question of what women in male fields face? A mic-drop moment highlighting the question they hear far too often: “But who’s watching your kids?”
The message is clear: While women are excelling in their fields, society is still stuck asking the wrong questions.
This isn’t just about surgeons—it’s about all working moms navigating unfair assumptions about how seriously they take their work and their dedication to their families. It’s 2024, and we’re still having this conversation.
Moms gone viral
In the video, the two surgeons, dressed in their most glamorous eveningwear, react to the ever-present question: “Who’s watching your kids?” Imagine reaching the pinnacle of your career, saving lives, making history, and instead of celebrating your achievements, people zero in on what you’re supposedly “not doing” as a mom.
The clip resonated far beyond the medical community, racking up 4.2 million views. For many women, it was a moment of finally being seen. Because really, how often do we ask a working father, “Who’s watching your kids?”
Related: Viral cartoon nails the unfair ways society judges moms vs. dads
The double standard working mothers face
Here’s the problem: When a mother succeeds in her career, the world wants to know how and who is “managing” her kids. She’s assumed to be a mom first, a professional second. But when a father excels in his career, he’s celebrated as both a family man and a professional rockstar.
This isn’t just anecdotal. Research indicates that working mothers often feel judged and face greater scrutiny compared to their male counterparts. A 2019 Pew Research study found that 50% of employed mothers reported that being a working parent made it harder for them to advance in their careers, compared to 39% of fathers.
Mothers were also more likely than fathers to say they had to reduce their work hours (54% vs. 44%) and felt they couldn’t give 100% at work due to balancing parenting responsibilities.
In terms of perceived bias, 27% of working mothers reported being treated as if they weren’t committed to their jobs because they have children, compared to 20% of working fathers. They were also more likely to experience being passed over for important assignments or promotions.
These double standards aren’t harmless—they reinforce the idea that parenting is a woman’s primary job, even when she’s saving lives, running companies, or building bridges.
Related: 6 working mom myths you’ve got to overcome to thrive
Why representation matters
When women break into male-dominated fields, they don’t just succeed—they’re creating a roadmap for future generations. Exposure to female role models in STEM has been shown to significantly boost young girls’ confidence and interest in pursuing STEM careers. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that female role-model interventions increased girls’ enjoyment of math, their belief in their ability to succeed in STEM fields, and their aspirations to choose STEM-related careers, while simultaneously reducing harmful gender stereotypes. These results highlight the power of role models in shaping girls’ perceptions and opening doors to traditionally male-dominated fields.
Progress is happening. In 2023, women made up more than 56% of all medical school students. But representation alone isn’t enough. Without systemic changes—paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and a cultural shift in how we view caregiving—the barriers will remain.
Representation matters. But so does creating a world where women aren’t asked to do it all, all the time.
Change starts with the right questions
The next time you meet a working mom—whether she’s a surgeon, an engineer, or a retail manager—ditch the childcare questions. Instead, try:
“What inspired you to get into this field?”
“What do you like about your job?”
“Your family must be so proud of you.”
Or, better yet: “How can I support you?”
To the moms breaking barriers
To the moms navigating these challenges every day: We see you. We respect you. And we’re rooting for you.
Your success isn’t just about breaking barriers; it’s about rewriting the script for all of us. Let’s leave the outdated questions in the past—and move toward a future where women are celebrated for their achievements, not scrutinized for their balancing act.
