Vasectomies are apparently a “trend” this summer, and for a very unsavory reason

Grab your barf bag. Wealthy men are undergoing vasectomies for the grossest reason. Tired of dealing with the consequences of engaging in unprotected sex with random women, bank-rolled bachelors on the hunt for summer flings free from messy strings are reportedly requesting doctors tie their tubes in order to avoid unwanted pregnancies.

According to the New York Post, affluent men vacationing in the Hamptons claim women, desperate for the wealth, security, and quality of life they can provide, intentionally sabotage their safe sex-iness in order to permanently attach themselves to a perfect stranger by any means necessary, including by birthing their babies, all to bleed the men dry with child support payments.

Take Scott, a male model in his 30s who earns upwards of $500,000 a year. Bedding up to 10 different women per summer, Scott estimates 20% of single women are looking to trap a rich guy by having his baby. “Women want that Cinderella story [of happily ever after], but I’m noncommittal at this point in my life,” he said. Charming.

Then there’s Alex who, despite being married with two kids, had a vasectomy last year after a woman he was having sex with pulled the condom off, he claims. He still had sex with her, but he was shaken, saying, “It’s not like an STD you can treat. It’s a kid.” Okay, that’s just gross.

And the doctors treating these men agree! The possibility of single women actually desiring romance? Inconceivable!

“This extortion happens all the time. Women come after them. [They get pregnant and] want a ransom payment,” said Manhattan-based urologist Dr. David Shusterman. “I never see a poor guy [asking] for a vasectomy. Rich guys are a population that’s abused a lot.” Cool story, bro.

Now, don’t get us wrong. We love men and women who care enough about themselves and their partners to make responsible and necessary decisions about their reproductive health, but all we can say is UUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!