Advertisement

Vanessa Feltz says it’s ok to fake an orgasm: ‘I’m not saying do it every time’

Red carpet image of Vanessa Feltz who has been discussing faking orgasms. (Getty Images)
Vanessa Feltz believes it is ok to fake an orgasm on occasion. (Getty Images)

Vanessa Feltz has shared her thoughts on faking orgasms, hinting that she has done it herself as she believes it's not always a negative thing for your sex life.

The broadcaster, 61, has recently announced her break-up with her partner of 16 years, Ben Ofoedu, 50, following allegations of infidelity.

Despite admitting her "shock and sadness" over the end of the relationship, Feltz has been keeping fans updated on life post split, celebrating her birthday with friends and family and travelling to Ireland for a "healing" holiday.

She also recently opened up about intimacy, discussing why she believes being told never to fake an orgasm is the "worst piece of advice" she's been given.

Read more: 9 ways to increase your chances of having an orgasm

Feltz told the Grazia Life Advice podcast, in a chat recorded before her split: "Experts say if you fake an orgasm, you're giving a false impression of what you do and don't like and if you fake an orgasm how will your lover/partner ever really know what you like? So never ever do it.

"I think that is the worst advice because sometimes it is just rude not to fake it."

Feltz went on to explain that there are certain intimate moments when an orgasm might never actually happen and in those situations, in her opinion, it is acceptable to fake it.

"Sometimes your partner is trying every trick in the book," she says. "They have been twiddling and licking and flicking, whispering dirty words in your ear and there's not one flipping thing that they could possibly do that they're not doing. They’re absolutely 10 out of 10 for effort."

Stock picture of Vanessa Feltz who has been discussing faking orgasms. (Getty Images)
Vanessa Feltz believes being told never to fake an orgasm is bad advice. (Getty Images)

The TV and radio presenter continues: "On those occasions when you've suddenly remembered defrosting the freezer, you've just taken your eye off the ball, you're not concentrating and you're never ever, ever going to get to orgasm.

"I'm not saying do it every time, that's not a good idea either. But sometimes, and you will know the times, the only courteous and polite thing to do is fake an orgasm.

"But at least make sure you fake it convincingly," she adds.

"At least it is a way of concluding it satisfactorily," she continues. "It's over, thank God and then you can go do something else, can then go and defrost the freezer, which is what you really wanted to be doing all along."

Read more: 'Find the clitoris' challenge: Sexperts hit the streets to see if public know exact location

Is it ever ok to fake an orgasm?

No doubt Feltz's advice that it is ok to fake an orgasm on occasion will come as welcome news to the 71% of women and 31% of men who have pretended to climax with a partner.

Recent research, of 2,000 people by IllicitEncounters.com, also explored the reasons behind the 'fake off' with over half those surveyed (54%) admitting to pulling a Meg Ryan because the sex was taking too long and they didn't want to hurt their partner's feelings.

Other reasons women gave for pretending include the fact they were finding the sex boring (37%), were not in the mood (36%), felt too tired (35%), had drunk too much alcohol (28%), their partner was new and could not satisfy them (16%) and they struggle to climax through intercourse (15%).

Sparing a partner's feelings was the main reason men fake it, which was the case for 22% of those questioned, followed by consuming too much alcohol (20%).

Watch: Vanessa Feltz wanted for Celebs Go Dating

So should you ever fake an orgasm or is it better to 'fess up to your partner that it's just not quite hitting the spot?

Javay Frye-Nekrasova, certified sex educator and sex expert for Lovehoney, believes there are some misconceptions surrounding orgasms that could help to explain why some people feel so much pressure to fake it, including the fact that you have to orgasm every time you engage in sexual activity.

"When you put the goal of orgasm on the sexual activity you are adding a layer of pressure that inherently detracts from the pleasure aspect of the sexual activity itself," she explains.

It's also worth noting that you shouldn't necessarily worry if you don't achieve an orgasm with your partner.

"The body can experience orgasms from a wide variety of stimulations so if one way does not lead to an orgasm it doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem," Frye-Nekrasova continues. "Another reason you don't need to worry is because it takes some time exploring your body to figure out what actually leads to pleasure that results in an orgasm."

Read more: Eight ways to know you’ve just had an orgasm

Stock picture of couple in bed together. (Getty Images)
71% of women have faked an orgasm with a partner. (Getty Images)

Whether or not you choose to fake an orgasm, experts agree that communication is a vital aspect to enjoying a healthy sex life.

"If you can comfortably talk about sex you can better talk about what you like with partners, express to them what you would want to be done differently, and how experiences can be improved," Frye-Nekrasova adds.

And even if you believe your other half has your wants and needs sussed, it can't hurt to keep talking about it.

“Even an experienced partner needs feedback about what you need to reach orgasmland,” Dorian Solot, sex educator and co-author of I ❤️ Orgasms: A Guide to More (£16.99, Hachette), told Yahoo UK.

“You can communicate this with words (yes, it's OK and even recommended to talk during sex), moans, sighs, adjusting their hand or mouth, or classic-for-a-reason phrases like, 'Right there!', 'Don't stop!', or 'Yes, yes! Ohhh, yes!'”