Trevor Noah: 'Coronavirus does not care about the news cycle'

·4-min read

Trevor Noah

Trevor Noah offered a serious warning for pandemic months to come in America as California, a state home to nearly one out of every eight Americans, abruptly changed course on its phased reopening. Because of spiking numbers in several counties, the governor, Gavin Newsom announced on Monday the closure of gyms, hair salons, and churches in 29 counties, and statewide closure of indoor restaurants, bars and theaters; its two biggest public school districts will now only do remote learning in the fall.

“Even though many of us have become bored of the coronavirus, the coronavirus is not bored of us,” Noah explained on Tuesday’s Daily Show. “Coronavirus does not care about the news cycle.

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What’s happening in California is a preview of what the next year is going to look like for a lot of places – gradually reopening, and then shutting down when things get dangerous,” he continued. “This whole thing – without a vaccine, without tracing, without enough testing – it’s like trying to have sex in your parents house. Things are ramping up, you know, and then you hear something creak – it’s your dad getting a snack in the kitchen, you gotta shut everything down until it’s safe again.”

The reversal of course flew against numerous proclamations of victory over coronavirus by conservative commentators in May and June, particularly on Fox News. “Maybe not a great idea to take a victory lap in the middle of a pandemic,” Noah said after playing a series of Fox News clips which have aged poorly as a “salute to premature salutes.

Related: Seth Meyers on Trump wearing a mask: 'Only four months too late'

“I know there’s a lot of politics tied up in who’s rooting for which state and policies to succeed,” Noah continued, but “coronavirus has no politics. It doesn’t give a shit what state you live in.”

In that sense, he concluded, coronavirus is “the most bipartisan thing to happen to America since hating Jussie Smollet”.

Stephen Colbert

As coronavirus cases rise in several states, “it’s beginning to seem like our four months of sacrifice may have been for naught”, said Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s Late Show. “Even the states that did it right are now backsliding,” such as California, whose governor announced the statewide closure of indoor theaters, restaurants, bars and zoos on Monday. “They’re shutting down again – Hollywood loves a sequel,” said Colbert. “This time it’s Shutdown 2: We Opened Up 2 Fast and People Are Furious.”

“But as bad as things are in California, as it says in their tourist logo: it’s always worse in Florida,” Colbert continued, as the state broke the US record for coronavirus cases over the weekend and announced another 12,000 new cases on Monday. “Well, at least they don’t have a lot of old people there,” Colbert deadpanned. “Or at least, thanks to their governor, they won’t in about three weeks.”

Despite the record number of cases, Florida is still the planned site for next month’s Republican national convention, which Trump moved to Jacksonville from Charlotte, North Carolina, after the latter state instituted public health measures such as mask protocols and physical distancing for attendees. The show is still planned to go on, though numerous high-ranking Republicans, such as the Senators Mitt Romney, Chuck Grassley and Lamar Alexander, have said they won’t attend the event.

“I don’t blame any of these people for not going,” Colbert said, because party officials were also considering docking cruise ships in the city’s port to provide extra lodging.

“So you’re in Florida spending all day in an auditorium full of screaming people who won’t wear masks, then you go home to sleep on a floating petri dish?” said an aghast Colbert. “The only way it would be more infectious is if the dinner was all-you-can-bob lasagna buffet.”

Jimmy Fallon

And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon also discussed the Trump campaign’s intent to hold the Republican national convention in Florida even as coronavirus cases surge in the state, though it plans to move several of the events outdoors. “The president is now holding a three-day outdoor event in Florida, in August – it’ll be worth watching just to see Trump lap up glasses of water like a thirsty golden retriever,” said Fallon.

“Poor Mike Pence is going to be sweating like he’s sitting through a Drag Race marathon.”

Fallon also touched on California’s closure of indoor restaurants, bars and zoos, which is “a real bummer if your favorite activity is to get drunk and go yell at some penguins”.

While California shuts down again, Disney World reopened for visitors in Orlando, Florida, which Fallon called “crazy”.

“Right now, the boring part of Disney is the rollercoaster, while the scariest part is standing in line.”

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