How to train your brain to become more optimistic
You’re running late for work because you overslept (thanks for nothing, alarm clock!) when suddenly, your shoe sticks to the sidewalk. Yup, you just stepped in gum. Five minutes later, you’re almost at your destination when—no joke—a bird poops on you. Then, you stub your toe while opening the door to your office. Ugh, just my luck, you think. Of course this would happen to me; stuff like this is always happening to me.
Sound frustratingly familiar? If you often feel tailed by a personal, perpetual rain cloud, you might be a pessimist, a.k.a. someone who tends to have a negative outlook on life. An optimist, on the other hand, has a knack for finding the silver lining. They expect the best possible outcome from a situation in the face of uncertainty, says Dr. Sue Varma, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist and the author of Practical Optimism.
For better or worse, it’s out of your control where you fall on the optimism-pessimism spectrum. Turns out, only about 25 percent of optimism is genetic, meaning you inherit your natural tendency to see the glass half-full or half-empty from your parents , Dr. Varma says. The other 75 percent? That’s all based on your upbringing. Worth mentioning: It’s unknown how much genes factor into optimism, says Claudia Aguirre, PhD, a neuroscientist and Women’s Health US advisory board member based in Los Angeles. But the experts agree that both nature and nurture play a role.
That said, the “nurture [component], with respect to optimism, is far more important than nature,” says Ellen Langer, PhD, a psychology professor at Harvard University. Say you have natural tendencies toward pessimism, but you had a great childhood with nurturing, happy experiences. That lifestyle element is what will really shape your long-term viewpoint of the world and help you gravitate toward thinking positively, Aguirre says. But the reverse is also true: If you’re an inherent optimist but have pessimistic parents, they might have raised you to look for the rain, not the rainbow. However the scales of nature and nurture tilt in your direction, it’s possible to change the way you think through your lifestyle. After all, no one is optimistic or pessimistic 100 percent of the time, says Aguirre.
When sh*t happens—literally, in the case of a bird pooping on you mid-morning commute—it’s important to remember that your reaction has more power than you think. While you can’t always control what life throws at you, you can control how you choose to interpret it, either in a positive or negative manner, says Langer. So, if you feel a bit stuck in your negative ways, rest assured: There are ways you can actually develop your optimism, says Dr. Varma.
And there are tons of reasons you should strengthen that mental muscle, BTW. The physical and mental benefits of being optimistic abound: It can help you build resilience, become more social, and is even associated with better cardiovascular health, per a study in Frontiers In Cardiovascular Medicine. Plus, being more optimistic has even been associated with a longer lifespan and exceptional longevity (living to over 90 years old), according to a study in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.
Bright Side Meets Bounce Back: As your optimism increases, so does your resilience. While the concepts aren’t exactly the same—“resilience is about bouncing back from adversity, and optimism is about thriving in the face of it,” says Dr. Varma—they do have a relationship. When you’re more optimistic, you tend to try more things, and when you try more things, you tend to fail sometimes, Aguirre says. But when you learn from those mistakes and try again, that’s your resilience shining through.
Ahead, psychology experts share 9 tried-and-true techniques to channel that glass half-full energy every day.
Consider your set point.
Your set point is where you typically fall on the optimism-pessimism spectrum, Dr. Varma says. For instance, say you’re stuck in traffic on the way to a friend’s birthday party. Does your mind tend to automatically think, “Great, now I’m never going to get there on time. I might as well not even go” (pessimistic) or “That’s a bummer, but I’ll make it—I’m excited to eat cake when I get there” (optimistic).
Once you ask yourself that question, you might be surprised to learn you’re not as ready to roll with the punches as you once thought, Dr. Varma says. Or you might be pleasantly surprised by your pluck. Either way, gauging whether you’re more of an optimist or pessimist can help you learn how you function better, which will lead to achieving your goals and live a more satisfying life.
Get a reality check.
Beware the ostrich effect: If you’re overly optimistic, you tend not to improve, says Daniel Lerner, a clinical instructor in the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at New York University and the author of U Thrive. Instead, embrace realistic optimism by regularly asking for feedback from a mentor or role model.
For instance, maybe you feel like you aced your 10K race because you achieved a new PB. (Congrats!) Getting feedback from your coach will actually help you become more optimistic because you're setting yourself up for continued success. Perhaps they advise you to lean forward less, which would take pressure off your knees and hips, helping you to run pain-free—and, ultimately, faster. With these pointers, you’ll be able to change your mindset, look at the bigger picture, and be one step closer to new gains.
Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness is “the very simple process of actively noticing new things,” Langer says. So, when you walk out your front door each day, notice three new things: Maybe the leaves on the trees are a bit greener than usual, your street looks extra clean today, or you see a corgi puppy on a walk (and you didn’t even know one lived in your neighbourhood!). When you practice mindfulness, you’ll learn new things and consciously choose to view situations more positively over time, Langer says. Learning to look on the literal bright side with your everyday surroundings can translate into viewing bigger life events in a more positive light, too.
Reframe your thoughts.
“The words we use matter,” Lerner says. Consider your explanatory style, which is the way you explain negative events to yourself, he says. If you were totally unprepared for an important meeting with your boss, someone with an optimistic explanatory style will most likely think: “Well, it was just one meeting.” However, someone with a pessimistic explanatory style might say: “They’ll never be able to trust me again, and I’m going to get fired.”
Truth is, even optimists have negative thoughts sometimes, and optimism isn’t about rejecting or repressing those thoughts altogether. When you’re having a negative thought, invite it in, but then ask yourself if there’s another way to look at it, Dr. Varma says. Replace the negative words, even if it feels uncomfortable. “The more granular you can become about the things that bother you, the more likely you are to change them,” she says.
The shift: “In reality, it only was one meeting. Next time, I’ll ask my boss how I can prepare better and take notes on their feedback.” Reframing negative thoughts can help propel you towards optimism in times of need, without being overly optimistic, Lerner says.
Find the fun in your routine.
Optimists make traditionally mundane tasks—scheduling doctor’s appointments and running other errands—easy, fun, convenient, and accessible, Dr. Varma says. This is why optimists tend to get stuff done. (Another benefit of seeing the glass half-full!)
Always struggle to book your annual doctor’s checkup? Instead of perceiving your appointment as an annoying chore, see it as a self-care exercise. Or, say you’re tempted to whine about the dry cleaning you need to drop off and the prescriptions you have to pick up. To infuse some fun into your errand run, add a “little treat” pit stop, like grabbing a cookie or iced tea from your local bakery. This will help you practice getting excited about, and seeing the good in, even the “less fun” parts of life.
Plan with purpose.
Life becomes more meaningful when you stack your calendar with activities that bring you joy, like volunteering for a cause you care about or making time for your favorite weekly workout class. (FYI, exercise has legit been shown “to boost your sense of purpose,” which is something optimists have a strong sense of, Dr. Varma says.)
First, do a little inventory on your current social calendar. Think about the activities that bring you joy (yoga class with your fave instructor) and the ones that aren’t as fun to you (a Crossfit class you tentatively took). Then, incorporate more of those joy-filled activities into your regular schedule, perhaps once a week. When you think about what you really enjoy in life, you’re tapping into a key part of yourself, which is how you find meaning and purpose. It’s all about gaining clarity and motivation in your life, which will help you have a more optimistic outlook.
Journal.
Make a habit of journaling for your mental health twice a week for 10 to 15 minutes, says Dr. Varma. She recommends writing down everything happening in your head during these seshes, but if you need prompts to get started, write about some best case scenarios: What does living your best life look like? If everything worked out, what would your life look like one, two, or five years from now? You can also write about past positive experiences, like that race where you got a PB, and ask yourself what you could’ve done better, Lerner says. You might think of something you didn’t expect and surprise yourself.
This type of journaling “helps train your brain [to] start to see possibility,” Dr. Varma says, which will then open your eyes to seeing that your best life (or a new PB!) is within reach.
Branch out socially.
There’s a direct relationship between positive thinking and being social, says Dr. Varma: “Optimists make a genuine effort to be with people.” So, deliberately put yourself in situations where you can be social. Then, be open and vulnerable so you form an emotional connection. That means arriving at yoga class 10 minutes earlier so you can talk to the instructor, or staying late so you can chat with potential new friends afterwards, she says.
When you start a conversation with someone in this scenario, the key is to be real and relatable and ask questions, says Dr. Varma. Maybe you just moved to this new city, so you mention that, and ask if they’ve ever taken this class before. If they say yes, you can ask if they like the teacher. If they say no, you can automatically bond over your shared newbie status. Either way, you’re on your way to continuing a genuine conversation. Later, follow up with at the next class—maybe you ask if they want to grab coffee afterwards.
By forging new connections, you might find your mood lifting, and your outlook shifting.
Be aware of comparison.
It’s no secret that social media is full of opportunities to compare yourself to others—someone’s always posting a highlight reel of their seemingly-amazing job, city, or relationship—and sometimes that can make you feel pessimistic about your own life. In fact, it can actually be “detrimental” to your mental health, Aguirre says.
Say you messed up a project at work but moved past it through reframing your thoughts. But then, you see that someone you follow on Instagram got promoted at their job, and you feel really pessimistic about your own career trajectory (even though their success has nothing to do with you!). In this situation, remind yourself that Instagram is not reality—you don’t know the details around their post. Acknowledge that you’re feeling down, then remind yourself that you’ve done the work to get past it. You can even take time to recenter yourself, whether you do five minutes of gentle breathing or some journaling.
Remember, anyone can become an optimist—you just need to train your brain to get there, Aguirre says. “It's a skill that you have to practice, and it's like learning a language, a sport, [or] a hobby,” Dr. Varma says. Even if it takes some time to cultivate, optimizing your optimism will be worth the extra effort. So, are you ready to get started?
Meet the Experts: Sue Varma, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist and the author of Practical Optimism. Ellen Langer, PhD, is a psychology professor at Harvard University. Claudia Aguirre, PhD, is a neuroscientist and Women’s Health advisory board member based in Los Angeles. Daniel Lerner is a clinical instructor in the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at New York University and the author of U Thrive.
Read now: How to practice self-compassion
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