Too many presents can wreck Christmas – here’s what I’m doing instead

I’m no Grinch. I absolutely adore Christmas, from feeding brandy to the cake, through “stir up Sunday” and the carol service, to the last, hysterical supermarket sweep, during which everybody goes insane. I’ve got the 12th on our street’s “advent windows”, and then my friend’s annual Christmas Eve party, and then the day itself. I love the full nonsense of it all.

What I don’t love are the endless gift guides, must-buy roundups and expensive advent calendars; in short, the idea that Christmas is all about stuff.

That includes giving stuff and getting stuff. Giving and getting things that have been made using the Earth’s limited resources and then have to be accommodated – or worse, dusted – somewhere in your house.

Why do we do this to each other? We are all already overwhelmed with stuff, to the point where there’s a whole genre of television shows helping people to get rid of it (I love Stacey Soloman’s Sort Your Life Out almost as much as I love Christmas).

So why do we waste a large part of Christmas day giving each other stuff we don’t need, which turns into clutter on Boxing Day?

Because if you look at any of those gift guides that I so dislike (and I’m not a fan of the word “gift” either), the stuff suggested almost nearly always fits into the category of Things No One Actually Needs.

A novelty cheese knife in the shape of a Wellington boot, a new shape of pashmina in a colour you don’t have yet among the six you already own, an amusing print of a middle-aged woman walking a labrador while holding something connected with gin. All fun, but nothing you don’t already have a version of.

So every year Christmas litters our houses with yet more things we don’t need – but can’t get rid of because they were A Present – and then there’s the huge amount of cash we shell out to buy the clutter-in-waiting for each other.

And then there’s the other way an excess of gifts can wreck Christmas, the endless present-opening getting in the way of the fun stuff. I experienced this on one very jolly family Christmas when most of the kids were old enough to start buying presents – so everyone had bought for everyone.

It took most of the day to open the presents, woefully cutting into the precious few hours available for the shouty quiz (from this newspaper), shouty charades and watching Love Actually (also shouty in places).

So, after that Christmas, I decided to take a stand to make the presence of us all the focus of the day, rather than the presents.

Not to give up on them altogether, because choosing and giving presents is almost as much fun as receiving them (sometimes more…), but finding ways to put practical limits on it to maximise the time for Christmas day fun, while minimising expense and eco impact.

Here are some ways you can do this, although I do have two provisos: Stockings are not affected, as they are opened in bed before breakfast without impacting other activities, and children should still get presents, ideally slightly too many.

Secret Santa

For a large Christmas group this is the easiest way to keep adult present-opening, clutter generation and spending to a minimum. A triple win.

It’s also fun if you do the gifting assignment as a Zoom gathering, like a lottery draw, with mince pies and a glass of something, with younger children included for the fun of it all. This can become a very jolly new annual tradition, kicking off the Christmas season each year.

Just in case you don’t know how Secret Santa works: An identifiably organised family member, preferably a Virgo, is appointed to run the live present responsibility allocation.

They write everyone’s name twice, on separate pieces of paper and put all the names into two hats (or other handy receptacles), so each hat contains every name.

The overseer then draws a name from each hat to assign who will buy a present for whom. (If they pull out the same names, they chuck one back in and re-draw from that hat.)

The gifters and giftees are then noted on a spreadsheet, or the back of an old envelope and the Virgo sends the allocation list out to everyone – and at this point it’s a good idea to agree an upper spend cap on the Secret Santa presents, so there aren’t huge discrepancies in gift lavishness. It’s embarrassing to get a Fortnums hamper from someone you’ve bought a chocolate orange for.

All the suggestions below can be combined with Secret Santa to maximise the benefits of a Christmas present rethink.

Home-made things

Only give each other things you have each made yourself, be it a jar of jam, a lavender bag, a knitted scarf, a book of curated family photos, or wherever your skills take you. It’s probably better to steer clear of anything that could be described as an ‘ornament’ in this category.

Home-made things work particularly well combined with the one-present trick of Secret Santa if there’s a large group at your Christmas gatherings, as you won’t have to become a small factory operation to get multiple presents made in time.

Things you can consume

There’s no dusting and no finding a place to keep it, if you agree only to give each other things that are eaten, drunk, rubbed into dry hands, poured into a hot bath and so on.

This can also be combined with Made Things for double clutter-avoidance insurance and Christmas virtue.

Experiences

Another way not to bestow people you love with a lavishly-wrapped piece of future clutter. Give them a voucher for a massage, an expert guided tour of an historic building, a weekend away, a beaver safari, or a slap-up meal out.

You could also give memberships to major galleries and museums, or a National Art Pass from the Art Fund. One-day courses are also great – bread making, kintsugi pottery mending, topiary…the possibilities are endless.

Experience presents also extend Christmas joy into the grim new year, giving people something jolly to look forward to. (And not to dust.)

Promises

This can be a great way for cash-strapped younger people to give something that will be really appreciated by the Olds. They can present a hand-made book of tokens promising to sweep leaves, mow lawns, do weeding, paint a room, make meals for the freezer, or whatever would be useful.

Charity shop challenge

If the environmental impact of the mass new stuff of Christmas gifting alarms you (my hand is raised here…) giving only second-hand presents is a great way round it.

This year I’ve agreed with several of my best girlfriends to do a Christmas Prezzie Charity Shop Challenge. It’s really fun diving into every charity shop you see in search of the perfect things – like being permanently on Bargain Hunt – and as well as being eco-responsible, you are giving money to charities.

I genuinely can’t wait to see them unwrap the brilliant things I’ve found.

Want, need, wear, read

Another time-honoured way to relish the enjoyment of giving and receiving presents, without generating a clutter tsunami and dangerous levels of personal debt, is to follow the ‘Want, need, wear, read’ rule.

This is what I do with my 22-year old daughter. She gets one thing she really wants, practical stuff like good socks and nice shampoo, clothes (which I’m gathering as part of my Charity Shop Challenge) and a book.

The practical stuff goes into a stocking with chocolate and other consumables (liqueur miniatures are fun), make up and a few fun and silly things, the rest prettily wrapped under the tree. It’s just the right amount to treat without spoiling.

And most importantly, with all other present giving within pre-arranged limits, leaves ample time for the quiz, the games and the film.