The Psychology Behind People Who Stand You Up

[Photo: Pexels]

We’d all love to say that we’re so attractive, no human being has ever dared stand us up - but this is real life, and if a date hasn’t stood you up before, a friend definitely has.

So why do they do it? Does that dreaded “Sorry hun, feeling a bit ill - maybe next weds?” text spark no remorse in its sender or even worse, failing to turn up without any warning at all?

Psychologist Averil Leimon told ELLE that it’s all about nowadays’ changing attitudes towards commitment.

She said: “In the past this would just be seen as bad manners, but that was when we knew what the etiquette for everything was meant to be.

[Photo: Pexels]

“People have a variable understanding of how binding an arrangement is, depending on how it has been made. For example, if you receive a formal invitation to a wedding, you expect to reply properly and turn up.

“Nowadays, despite the expense involved sometimes, people don’t even show on the day.

“Even then that sense of commitment has been eroded.”

As well as good-old-fashioned politeness, Leimon also says that it could have a lot to do with emotional intelligence and empathy skills.

“Emotional literacy comes into it - being able to read, predict the feelings of others, or the cost to them of your actions.

[Photo: Pexels]

“A lack of this could either come from narcissism - only thinking about yourself - or the other extreme: low self confidence and pessimism - assuming the other person won’t miss you anyway.”

The answer to this, Leimon says, is to go back a few steps and remember your manners.

“Old fashioned though it sounds, you actually have to actively think about good manners - these are habits that have been trained into us by a reward and punishment system.

“Your mum or dad would have told you off if you behaved rudely as a child and this carries through into our adult lives.”

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