Advertisement

The Life & Times Of A Boyband Hiatus

“Here we are with the world in the state it is in, and we’ve got One Direction.” Roger Daltrey (The Who)

image

One Direction are taking a breather and their fans are crushed.

image

If you love someone, set them free; these lads need to spread their wings, get a bit fat and maybe, a few years down the line, do a bit of Strictly or I’m A Celebrity. I dunno, I can’t say, I just can’t say.

Take heart young Directioners, there’s a whole sisterhood of survivors out there who’ve made it through some gut wrenching breakups. But the ‘hiatus’ thing is probably true, it was for these guys:

Westlife 1998 - 2008 (hiatus 2008 - 2009)

image

Try to make up a nursery rhyme right now, go on, just hum whatever tune comes into your head. Congratulations! You’ve just written a Westlife song.

Boyzone’s parasitic twin served up 10 years of flat line musical ennui, much to the baffling delight of their squealing fans. Not even the exit of human honey monster, Brian McFadden, could repress this melange of hair and Pilsbury dough.

In 2008 - 2009, the lads took a hiatus, after which they picked up the Westlife needle, dropped it into the Westlife groove and lulled the world back into a deep slumber. I’m actually writing this in my sleep.

Boyzone 1993 - 2000 (hiatus 2001 - 2007) Reigning champions of most rubbish band name ever.

image

Gutted Boyzone fans had to endure smug Take That supporters after the band split in 1999. Ruckuses erupted in school playgrounds across the country as elated Take That fans tormented grieving Boyzone lovers at lunch time, break time, before school, after school and during class.

In 2007, after briefly considering changing their name to ‘Man Area’, Boyzone reunited (minus Stephen Gately, RIP), and are still going strong to this day.

East 17 1991 - 1997,1998 - 1999 (hiatus 1999 - 2006) ‘Outside it’s raining but inside it’s wet’

image

Tony Mortimer, Brian Harvey and their two mute dancer mates, enjoyed 6 years of unmitigated success, until the 'it’s cool to take drugs’ debacle, in which Brian Harvey admitted taking Ecstasy on a night out. This admission sparked the comedown of Walthamstow’s finest bad boy boy band.

Brian was sacked and Tony, tired of holding one-sided conversations, left shortly after. In the meantime Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum did weird plies and waved their arms through various unstable reunions on the nostalgia circuit, until, in 2006, they appointed a new permanent speaking-member, Robbie Craig.

image

Take That 1990 - 1996 (hiatus 1996 - 2005) Manchester’s answer to New Kids on The Block.

image

Take That, arguably the greatest boy band to come out of the UK 90′s pop scene. Their dynamic tongue in cheek style, well crafted pop songs, and boyish good looks earned them a crazy and obsessive following.

After losing a Robbie Williams-shaped limb, in an 'us or the drugs’ showdown in 1995, the band limped on for another year, then called it a day. The effect was cataclysmic, with the government even setting up a special counselling hotline to help suicidal fans come to terms with their bereavement.

In 2005 Take That was resurrected (minus Robbie). Their comeback tour, entitled ‘Ultimate Comeback’ played to a fan base which had since doubled in size, as most of their original fans had grown up and reared little Take That fans to follow in their footsteps.

So take heart, Directioners, for though it seems bleak now, the reunion tour will be all the sweeter.

Politicians Eating Food

Celebrities Photoshopped To Look Like Fan Art