Smartphones and Facebook are killing our sex lives: But technology could save them

Kim Easton Smith

A third of us believe that technology is having a bad effect on our sex lives. And it's not that surprising, considering one in six of us have answered the phone or read a text while having sex.

Not only is technology causing a distraction - we're letting it.

More than five per cent of the UK even admitted to checking Facebook during sex, according to a survey by Durex. How long will it be before we're checking IN while we're doing it too? Is a #sexselfie the new meme on the way?

Sex and Relationship expert Susan Quilliam, commented: "Many people find love through dating websites or social media - but it's a worrying trend that many are also feeling gradually ousted in their relationships in favour of interaction online.
“There is, of course, a great place for technology in our lives but habitual use and reliance on our gadgets can lead to bad habits in relationships."


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Experts have blamed other things to explain why the average number of times we have sex a month is dropping (now 4.8 times a month for women and men, 4.9, compared to ten years ago when it was 6.3 and 6.2 respectively).

These reasons include the ubiquity of sex all around us. And it's everywhere, from Kylie gyrating around on balls selling records to Haagen Daz using Bradley Cooper as sexy bait in its latest ad.

They also suggest it's the fact that we're more open about sex now, and with what we consider permissable and acceptable within 'normal' - plus we're pretty happy to discuss it in public.

It sounds like we're so busy talking about sex, possibly on Twitter, that we don't get round to actually doing it.

Here are the four main ways technology is ruining our sex lives:


Our addiction to smartphones is growing ever stronger. They've given us so many access points for communication, from our many apps to old fashion texting and even, occasionally, the odd phone call. Posting something on social media arouses our brains (if not our bodies) and whether we realise it or not it primes us for a response. Seeing that little red blob gives us a high. Maybe not as much of a high as an orgasm, but uploading to Instagram us a whole lot less faff, right?


Who are the one in six Brits who actually use FB during sex? Have you ever had the misfortune to sleep with one? We want to know! Psychological studies on the social networking site rarely agree but it's generally through to promote comparing behaviours, envy and jealousy. None of this is good for your relationship. Why do all your friends seem to be so much more loved up than you and your boyf? Plus it makes hooking up with an ex a whole lot easier - though whether your partner can be bothered to shag them is another matter.

24/7 emails

Work has never had such a strong hold on our lives. Younger generations are much more likely to integrate work and play with work emails read in the evenings and at weekends and many of us checking our work email last and first thing with a bit of fitful sleeping inbetween. It may make us feel more switched on, but hearing about a work 'emergency' at 11pm is sure going to put a damper on any passion.


We know porn has been around for rather a lot longer than the Internet but the web has made so much more of it available to so many more of us. And now we all have the afore-mentioned smartphones, we've got little porn watching (and making) machines in our pocket at all times, so there's no need to do the real thing is there?


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Technology to the rescue

But wait! It's not all doom and gloom. Technology can actually help improve our sex lives.

Let's recap slightly. Why should we be worried sex is on the wane?

Well, apart from the fact that when we actually get round to it we enjoy it, sex is good for your health, both physically and mentally, and helps you bond with your partner in a way that cuddling on the sofa watching True Detective just doesn't.

So if you're spending more time in bed on social media than on sex (60 per cent of us), listen up: Technology could be the cure as well as the cause.

Sex apps

Until we began research for this article we had no idea of the world of sex apps. Put aside Tinder and its ilk for a moment and check out Dirty Games Truth or Dare (iPhone/Android) for sexy games to play, the Karma Sutra app (iPhone/Android) for positions to try or why not turn your WHOLE PHONE into a vibrator with Sexy Vibes (Android) or Closer ToGetHer (iPhone) There's even an app that plays sounds that will increase your desire for sex (we're not sure how scientific this is) called Sex Drive (iPhone/Android). If you need to add some spice in the bedroom, this may be the place to start.

Steamy ebooks on your Kindle

It's sad that books are on the wane, but look on the bright side, you can happily read the latest bonkbuster wherever you like without anyone knowing. Whether it's Fifty Shades of Grey or one of Syvia Day's Bared to You series, women in particular respond to erotic fiction so start loading your Kindle up now.

Dating apps

If you're not in a relationship, there is no absolutely no taboo at all about finding love online. And many apps positively encourage casual sex. Whether you use techology to get yourself laid, or find the perfect partner, to grow old with, Tinder, OK Cupid, How About We and Tingle are all good places to start.

Sex Toys

Probably the biggest technology to actually boost our sex lives is the vibrator and its friends. Now you can attach them to MP3s and vibe to the beat, use them with remote controls and Ann Summers has even created a the Ultimate G vibrator to take you to 'another orgasm level'.

If we can be bothered to play with them that is.