The couple — who marked their first wedding anniversary on Saturday — told PEOPLE they had to learn how to navigate their very different communication styles
Taylor Lautner and his wife Tay Lautner are sharing the biggest lesson they learned in their first year of marriage.
While hosting their inaugural Lemons Foundation gala in Los Angeles on Sunday, the couple told PEOPLE they discovered that "communication is key" since marrying on Nov. 11, 2022.
"We kind of knew that throughout our relationship. I mean, we've been together for almost six years," Tay explained.
However, what they didn't quite grasp is that they both communicate very differently.
"Taylor and I have very different communication styles," she said of the Twilight star, 31. "And so when we do get in a ... I don't even want to say an argument, because we don't really argue. But when we do get in a conversation or disagreement, whatever, and we're talking through it, he knows that I go mute and don't really speak. And Taylor can process his emotions."
Tay's reticence to open up is sometimes challenging for her husband. "It is frustrating because it's like I want to talk about everything right then and there, and get it over with. And I want to know her feelings. I know she's upset. I'm like, 'Just tell me,'" Taylor explained.
"But she just goes blank and she needs to take a step back to take a moment to process and think and realize exactly what she's feeling," the actor continued. "So as soon as we figured out each other's different communication styles, now it's a whole lot easier to get through those conversations."
The couple also shared that they both felt surprised by how different their relationship felt after they got engaged and were looking ahead to being married. "That was the commitment," Taylor explained.
"And we had known we wanted to be together," Tay, 26, added. "I think we went through so much life together prior to being married. You know, going through COVID, me working as a COVID nurse. Taylor stepping back from the industry. We just dealt with a lot of life that I feel like it just set us up to know how to handle conflict or know how to talk through things. It just set us up for success."
"We did have a lot of practice," agreed Taylor.
They told PEOPLE they went into their first year of marriage expecting it to be a little rocky but have so far been pleasantly surprised by how easy and comfortable their life is together.
"We've been warned by so many people like family, friends, 'First year marriage. You know, it's the hardest,'" Taylor said. "And we were like, 'Really? Okay.'"
"We giggle. We're like, 'When's it coming? We're just waiting,'" Tay said.
"Hopefully it's not like a slow burn or something," Taylor added. "It's been pretty smooth sailing so far."
As for marking their anniversary, the pair put any celebration plans on hold while they juggled preparations for their big Lemons event. The idea for the gala — the first such event for their nonprofit, whose mission is to provide resources and support to people struggling with their mental health — actually came about as they were tossing around ideas for how to celebrate their anniversary.
"We thought of everything. We're like, 'We can go on this trip or that.' But then as we got closer and closer to it, we realized, 'What do we love most?' And we love and have always loved since the moment we met, party planning, event throwing. We thrive on doing that together," Taylor explained.
"So we're like, 'Okay, that community.' We love our friends, family, our entire community and bringing people together. And last but not least, our passion for mental health," he continued. "So it really just clicked for us. It only feels right for our one-year wedding anniversary to host our first-ever Lemons gala."
While overseeing the big event has kept the pair busy, they do intend to squeeze in some time soon to celebrate privately together. "Maybe in a couple of weeks from now we'll do a little weekend getaway or something," Taylor shared.
Tay said they spent their actual anniversary on Saturday packing goodie bags for the gala guests and tending to other last-minute details. "It's hard to think about anything else when you're planning for this, because we honestly really haven't," Taylor noted of their less-than-romantic anniversary itinerary. "But I know as soon as this is done and behind us, we'll be like, 'Whew. Okay, where do we want to go for a quick [getaway]."
They might even stay closer to home. "We love a staycation or just going out to dinner. We're big foodies," Tay said.
Taylor did take a moment to pay tribute to his wife on Instagram Saturday, sharing a photo from the couple's 2022 wedding along with a sweet message. "Each day I somehow become a little more grateful," he wrote. "Thank you for putting up with me, I know it ain’t always easy ;) Love you so much! Let’s crush year 2!"
Tay made an anniversary post of her own, writing to Taylor, "My bestest friend, happy 1 year wedding anniversary. Being your wife is my absolute favorite thing. I never thought I’d find a love like yours."
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