Sunday with Arabella Weir: ‘I won’t do anything antisocial like mowing the lawn’

​​Lie-in or up early? I wake around 7am. If I’m feeling very un-Scottish and Presbyterian I might lie there, even though I feel I should be doing something worthy like making bread or looking after refugees.

Sundays growing up? My dad was a diplomat, so we lived abroad: America, Cairo. My parents would take us to the Church of Scotland wherever we were. When they split, I went to live with Dad in Bahrain.

Sunday jobs? I’ll make a strong espresso and do some gardening, but I won’t do anything antisocial like mowing the lawn, because I like my neighbours and don’t think you should be making a noise on a Sunday.

Any DIY? One of my current projects is fixing a shelf next to the shower. I’m managing with a great deal of difficulty and bad temper. I bought my house as a wreck 31 years ago. I’m still fixing it up.

Sunday housework? I had a wonderful cleaning lady. When she went back to Colombia it was worse than splitting up with my husband. Now I’m doing a Quentin Crisp: ‘Dust will reach a critical mass and then it’ll stop.’

Sunday cooking? I hate cooking. I’m quite good at roast potatoes. As my daughter said to her boyfriend the other day: ‘She’s useless at cooking, but that’s one thing she can do.’

Sunday exercise? My oldest friend from school and I have started going for a walk at 9am on Parliament Hill. We meet at the bandstand, do a hefty stomp, then go for a nice coffee.

Any booze? I try to only drink three days a week, but I make one of those a Sunday. There’s nothing nicer than booze with Sunday lunch or half a bottle of red on a Sunday evening.

Love or dread Mondays? I do yoga on Monday morning to stave off the existential abyss. If I didn’t, I’d be sitting in the kitchen going: ‘What is the point? Why am I here on earth? What’s it all for? I’ve got nothing to offer.’

Arabella Weir is a judge for this year’s Comedy Women in Print prize (comedywomeninprint.co.uk)