Stop overthinking with these 4 tips from a leading neuroscientist
Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, dissecting every single word and wondering if you came across as awkward or rude? Maybe you’ve spent hours debating whether to send a simple email, writing and re-writing it until it feels just right, only to feel unsure the moment you hit send.
Or perhaps, late at night, you find yourself lost in a spiral of 'what ifs,' imagining every possible scenario — most of them negative — about a decision you haven’t even made yet.
This is the exhausting cycle of overthinking, a mental habit many of us know all too well. We can overthink about everything – from the simple things, like what to have for dinner, to the larger issues: should I stay in my relationship? Should I quit my job?
Even decisions that should be fun are often being overthought, says neuroscientist Dr Faye Begati aka The Brain Doctor. With 84% of people stuck in indecision overwhelm over booking their holidays, according to research by Skyscanner, she coined the term 'wanderlost' to describe the 'mental fatigue and decision paralysis that many travellers experience when planning holidays.'
The irony of overthinking is that we spend so long trying to make the perfect decision or curate the perfect moment that we end up doing nothing. It's a cycle we need to break if we want to move forward – so how do we do that?
What is overthinking?
There's no 'right' amount to think about something, and we'd argue thinking things through is better than making rash decisions. So how do you know if you're overthinking?
'I define thinking as the application of our mental energy to solve a problem or make a decision. Overthinking happens when a disproportionate amount of mental energy is applied to thinking about a problem, especially when the possible consequences are minimal,' explains Dr Begati.
'Problem-solving thinking is purposeful and goal-directed. Overthinking, however, is different in that it can cause our thoughts to spiral beyond what’s necessary, often leading to excessive rumination about minute details, possibilities, or worries without reaching a conclusion or resolution.
'Unlike daydreaming, which also lacks clear purpose but can feel restful, overthinking is mentally exhausting and tends to leave us feeling drained.'
The repercussions of overthinking can be serious, she says. 'It can lead to mental fatigue and sleep disturbances, especially when it makes it hard to switch off. Our thoughts have a significant impact on our internal state. When overthinking triggers anxiety and stress, it can lead to an increase in cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, and this can affect our mental health and physical health.'
What are the causes of overthinking?
Even though overthinking has negative consequences, it has a purpose.
'Overthinking can be both a survival strategy and a response to anxiety,' says Dr Begati. 'In evolutionary terms, our brains have developed to avoid danger by anticipating all possible outcomes. In today’s world, we’re not necessarily in danger, but we still misapply this type of thinking to replay situations, worry excessively about inconsequential outcomes or overanalyse other people's reactions. This is more likely to happen if someone is suffering with anxiety.'
Your choice over whether to make pasta or curry isn't a life-or-death decision, but the body only has one stress response, meaning your meal planning can feel like running from danger.
The sheer amount of choice we face today doesn't help. From endless swipes on dating apps to countless holiday destinations, it's a privilege to have so many opportunities but it also makes deciding feel paralysing. That's especially true given the pressure to make the right choice. 'The overwhelming number of options and the desire for a perfect experience can lead to stress and indecision,' notes Dr Begati.
4 ways to stop overthinking and indecision
1. Set a limit
The key to cutting out overthinking is in realising that there are very cases where the right decision truly matters. So the restaurant you chose didn't have as good of a vibe as another you nearly went to – so what?
'Before making a decision, if the consequences aren’t long-lasting, set a finite limit for how long you’ll spend deciding. Once the decision is made, or if the situation is outside your control, it’s important to set boundaries on rumination. Scheduling 'worry time' can help ensure it doesn't continue too long,' says Dr Begati.
2. Master your energy
'Tackle any big decisions when your mental energy is highest. For less important choices, adopt a "good enough" approach. If a choice meets your criteria, select it and move on to avoid overthinking and decision fatigue.
'Our brain also thrives on anticipation, making the build-up to a holiday, event, conversation or decision feel as exciting as the moment itself. Use it to your advantage.' To do that, bookmark dream destinations in a saved list, or write conversations down, then revisit them as you refine your plans to make the planning less stressful and more exciting.'
3. Get mindful
'If you find yourself in a cycle of overthinking, redirecting your thoughts to something else is helpful, rather than constantly cycling around the same thoughts which reinforces unhelpful patterns in the brain.
'In the short-term, that can include techniques like mindfulness, taking deep breaths or distracting yourself with an activity to break an overthinking cycle.'
4. Train your muscle
However, distraction doesn't work in the long-term. 'Overthinking creates patterns in the brain, much like an overtrained muscle, so changing these patterns takes time but it is possible,' says Dr Begati.
'The work involves identifying triggers, practising self-compassion and challenging negative thought patterns with cognitive behavioural techniques to reduce overthinking habits.'
Cognitive behavioural therapy involves re-wiring your habits by changing your thoughts. While it's best done with a therapist, you can start to notice how small issues might make put you into an overthinking spiral: does a tough day at work make you overthink tomorrow's meeting with your boss? Does a patchy point in your relationship make small daily decisions feel momentous?
Working through your overthinking can mean you sleep better, feel lighter and have more energy for the things that matter – and don't we all want that?
If you need help with overthinking or anxiety, make sure to talk to your GP or a mental health professional.
More like this:
6 things a psychologist wants you to know if you're prone to overthinking
'I ruminated after a breakup. This is what helped me get free'
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