'Postpartum psychosis made me believe I was in a real life Squid Game'
A mum-of-two has shared how postpartum psychosis made her think she was in a real life version of Squid Game.
Despite having no history of mental illness, Gemma Porter, 35, a corporate solicitor from Manchester, struggled with depression while pregnant with her baby, who is now nine months old.
After a "stressful" four months of looking after her newborn and his brother, four, Gemma started having delusions.
Initially, she believed she was Jesus and had the power to heal strangers’ pain, but the delusions progressed until she ended up thinking she was being human trafficked, and taking part in a version of Squid Game.
Eventually, when her baby was four months old, she was sectioned and diagnosed with postpartum psychosis.
"I was manic – I felt like I had superpowers," Porter explains.
"But I was really low in my mood.
"My body was restless, and I felt elated, happy, scared and sad all at the same time.
"When I was sectioned, I also thought that my baby would be taken away and sold to a rich family in China."
Porter says her pregnancy was a difficult one, in which she ended up being prescribed Sertraline to cope with depression.
When her baby was born on November 23, 2023, he suffered from colic and had a tongue tie – a piece of skin tying his tongue to his bottom lip.
Even after having it surgically removed, he struggled to sleep – only dozing off when Porter would drive him around the Manchester Moors.
"He wasn’t an easy baby," she explains. "When he was born, he was jittery, colicky and tongue-tied.
“He’d only settle if I drove him around"
At Christmas 2023, Porter and her partner of 10 years split, which she say she took "really hard", throwing herself into planning her son's christening to cope.
"It was stressful, and I wasn’t sleeping particularly well," she explains.
The day before the christening, on March 16, 2024, Porter experienced her first delusion, while on a drive.
"I remember seeing the sun in the clouds," she recalls.
"It was really magnified - really bright.
"I looked at it, feeling like I’d been put on this earth to help people.
"I had a heightened sense of emotional intelligence, and intuition.”
Porter even told her worried sister, 27, that she felt like "the resurrected Jesus".
Over the next four days, her delusions worsened and she also started feeling "irrationally" scared of her parents.
On March 20, 2024, Porter's sister booked her an emergency GP appointment, because she kept reiterating how "elated and sad" she felt.
"I told him I felt like I had superpowers," she says about the appointment.
"He told my sister to drive me straight to A&E."
Porter was sectioned her under section two of the Mental Health Act, which allows a person to be admitted to hospital for up to 28 days.
She waited in a private "mental health room" until 1am on March 21, when staff at the mother and baby unit in Wythenshawe came to get her.
"I felt like a criminal," Porter says of the period.
"They dropped me off in my room and from that point, I was convinced I was being trafficked.
"I thought the hospital was fake."
Porter's delusions continued intensely for three days – she wouldn’t leave her room, and would only speak to doctors over a makeshift barricade, using a cabinet against the door.
While family members looked after her baby, gradually Porter began to accept help.
"On day three, I finally started taking the antipsychotic medication they were giving me," she says.
"I was too scared to even use the bathroom.
"But on day 14, I finally took my first shower in the unit."
Porter appealed her section, saying she would stay voluntarily.
It was granted at the beginning of week three and she stayed voluntarily for another three weeks.
From May onwards, the mum-of-two recovered at home, but once the psychosis passed, she fell into a depression.
"The support from my family helped me through it," she explains.
"I had one person with me, all the time.
"I ate well, slept and went out for walks."
Though she is in recovery and no longer having delusional thoughts, she is still taking antipsychotic medication which has been helpful to her and going to a number of support groups.
Now able to drive, work and look after her two children again, she says she is feels she is now "smashing life" and doctors say she should make a full recovery within the year.
"Postpartum psychosis isn’t as rare as we think," she adds. "I want other mums going through this to know they’re not alone."
What is postpartum psychosis?
Postpartum psychosis is a mental health condition that can affect a woman soon after she has a baby. It is rare, only occurring in one in every 1,000 mothers.
The NHS says that while having 'baby blues' in the first few days after having a child is ‘normal’ and only lasts for a few days, postpartum psychosis is 'serious' and should be 'treated as a medical emergency'.
Signs and symptoms of postpartum psychosis
Symptoms of postpartum psychosis generally start suddenly in the first few days or weeks after giving birth, and it can even start hours after giving birth.
Some key signs and symptoms of postpartum psychosis include:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Mania
Confusion
Low mood
Rapidly changing mood
The NHS says making an appointment with your GP or calling 111 immediately if you notice any of these symptoms in yourself, your partner or your friend after giving birth.
What causes postpartum psychosis?
While it is unclear what causes postpartum psychosis, the NHS says that someone is more at risk if they already have diagnosed bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, have a family history of mental illness, or have developed the condition following a previous pregnancy.
If you are at high risk, the NHS recommends seeing a perinatal psychiatrist during your pregnancy so you can prepare a care plan and get the support you may need.
Postpartum psychosis treatment
Most people who are diagnosed with postpartum psychosis make a full recovery, but hospital treatment is usually essential.
Treatment for postpartum psychosis can be in the form of medicine such as antipsychotics and mood stabilisers, psychological therapy like cognitive behavioural therapy and, in rare, severe circumstances, sometimes electroconvulsive therapy.
The treatment would ideally take place in a mother and baby unit, which is a specialist psychiatric unit, so the mother can stay with her child during the first few weeks of their life. It's important to seek medical help early on, at the first sign of symptoms, to ensure a safe and speedy recovery.
For support, contact the charity Action on Postpartum Psychosis.
Additional reporting SWNS.
Read more about psychosis
What is psychosis? Helen Flanagan shares her experience (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
The most common mental health conditions – and where to get help (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Postpartum psychosis: 'I was scared I might harm my baby girl' (Yahoo Life UK, 10-min read)
