Sorry, no refunds: why do men think they should get their money back after a bad date?
In the new age of Tinder dating it seems that the cost of swiping right isn’t just the risk of a bad date - but to be asked for a refund if it goes wrong.
That's what happened to Lucy Brown, a 38-year-old clothes designer whose Plenty of Fish match asked that she pay for her half of the proceedings after she refused a second date. "When I got the text, I was crying with laughter," she said of her SMS invoice for £42.50. "I honestly thought he was joking. But then I realised he was serious."
She's not alone; Lauren Crouch revealed on her blog, No Bad Dates Just Good Stories, that after a first date with a guy she met outside a Tube station she received a text message asking if she wanted to meet up again - an offer which she politely declined. Her date then went on to ask her to transfer him the £3.50 that he had spent on her coffee, saying "I don’t like to waste money. Prefer to use it on a date with someone else."
Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re in 2017 and the fight for women’s equality continues so I’m not saying men should always pay the bill, despite many dating etiquette guides saying contrary.
We are strong independent women and we can pay £3.50 for our own coffee, but sometimes it’s nice for a guy (who statistically is going to be earning more money for the same amount of work us women do!) to offer to pick up the tab on a first date - maybe even a second.
So if you’ve made that kind, gentlemanly offer to pay for our drink, or even dinner, then you’re going to have to stick to that decision - even if we turn you down and even if it goes horribly wrong. Which, let’s face it, is more than likely in this Tinder world of well constructed, witty responses and Instagram filters all portraying the best parts of ourselves.
And, newsflash, even if you’ve paid for said date it doesn’t mean that you’ve now bought us, or our affections. A drink, a meal, whatever it is - stump up for them at your own discretion, but no amount you pay earns you our time, interest or bodies, which too many men seem to forget.
Instead, might I suggest - if you’ve paid for your date and they’ve turned you down, you have to own that decision and go home and complain about it to your friends in the true proper English way that we all know and love.
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It’s not just a £3.50 coffee though that some women have found themselves billed for.
Sure, for Lucy Brown's failed suitor, £85 hurts when you're not going to get a second chance, but if you’ve decided to pull out all the stops, then go through with it and act like the chivalrous gent that you were pretending to be.
Any man who asks his date for a refund once he's been turned down is just validating her decision to ditch him in the first place.
