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From 'Isolationship' To 'Quaranteam', There's A New Pandemic Dating Glossary And I'm Here For It

Photo credit: Carol Yepes - Getty Images
Photo credit: Carol Yepes - Getty Images

From ELLE

Ah, the almost-relationship. You probably know what I mean – the one that never quite made it to the finish line; that definitely was something, but not quite enough to put a label on it. You might have once called it a ‘thing’; maybe told friends you were ‘seeing someone’ – but also stressing that you weren’t ‘officially seeing them’ and, if you're honest with yourself, you didn’t really know where you stood.

Sound familiar? Come on down and join the rest of us in the whirlwind that is modern dating: a minefield of possible scenarios with very little terminology with which to describe it all.

Photo credit: Klaus Vedfelt - Getty Images
Photo credit: Klaus Vedfelt - Getty Images

Yes, we have terms such as 'ghosting' and 'gaslighting,' but those actions are so commonplace now, it’s (awfully) normal to hear of either of them happening to someone. And as for 'friends with benefits'? It’s such an accepted set-up, I’d be more surprised to hear of someone with a healthy, functional relationship these days.

Thanks to the strangest of times being thrown our way over the past six months, we’ve had to adapt how we date, resulting in new practices and conventions we’d never have imagined. How exactly do you describe a relationship that formed because you were bored of being stuck inside for months on end? And what do you call the person you were texting throughout the whole of lockdown, only to abandon them for someone else when you had the chance to meet other people IRL?

So to begin discussing love in the age of Corona, you’ll need to get on board with a whole new vernacular. From 'pandating' and 'quaranteams' to everyone’s favourite, 'entanglements,' it probably sounds like a foreign language. In fact, it might as well be.

Welcome to dating in 2020 – these are the terms to get your head around now:

SITUATIONSHIP

noun

Eg. ‘Oh, me and him? We’ve been in a situationship for six months now, it’s going pretty well, thanks for asking.’

This pretty much does as it says on the tin: part ‘situation’, part ‘relationship,' landing somewhere right in between the two. You may recognise it as the title of Snoh Aalegra’s sultry R&B track, or just because the name hits home as the most pertinent way of describing your ‘will they, won’t they’ scenario. A kind of relationship made especially popular from 2020 onwards, for someone you feel a strong emotional connection to, but have never quite locked things down with – either because one of you isn’t that into it, or, well, lockdown got in the way.

ENTANGLEMENT

noun, also verb: to be entangled

Eg. ‘So I went out with him last week, and let’s just say we’re… entangled right now.’

We’ve got Jada Pinkett Smith to thank for this one. When faced with allegations of cheating on husband Will Smith, with August Alsina, she set the record straight(ish), stating that at a time when her and Will were no longer exclusively together, she became ‘entangled’ with the young singer. Cue a million memes and hilarious Twitter threads dissecting what this could possibly even mean. An entanglement of emotions? A literal entanglement of limbs? I’m going to say it’s a combination between the two: when you become involved in a whirlwind of emotions and sex and you’re not quite ready to admit to it being anything concrete and definable just yet.

PHONE CALL

noun

Eg. ‘I met this guy on Hinge last week, and he’s asked me out – well, he’s asked if I want to do a phone call. We haven’t even kissed yet.’

Yes, we all know what a phone call is. But how many times have you willingly spoken on the phone to someone since we switched from our parents’ landlines to a pay-as-you-go Nokia that cost us 20p a minute? As 2020 rung in on January 1, phone calls were a thing of the distant past – especially when it came to relationships. Then lockdown struck, and our means of communication had to change. Suddenly, apps introduced calling and video functions in place of IRL dates – and phone calls became a thing again. Instead of someone asking to meet up, they’d suggest a call in its place, reintroducing the rather formal telephone introduction – much more intimate than a loud hello over a large white wine in a crowded pub and imbued with a different meaning than it used to have.

Photo credit: Ada Yokota - Getty Images
Photo credit: Ada Yokota - Getty Images

QUARANTEAM

noun

Eg. 'Date night at home <3 #quaranteam’

A.K.A. the most cringeworthy phrase to have come out of the pandemic. I’m sorry to anyone who may have used this, particularly to caption a picture, but upon seeing it I vomit a little in my mouth. To put it simply, a quaranteam is a couple who either already lived together pre-lockdown, or shacked up for quarantine and their relationship became stronger as a result. Quarantine, quaranteam – get it? This is sometimes also referred to as an 'isolationship' (people whose relationship was fast-tracked because of lockdown), or 'cohabidating' (those who move in together sooner than planned because of Covd-era convenience).

PANDATING

verb

Eg. ‘I’m so bored of being single and home alone now, so I’ve started pandating’

This one’s pretty simple. Dating with the added pressure of wanting to find a soulmate ASAP due to the fear of getting stuck isolating alone again if there’s a second wave during the aforementioned global pandemic. Pandemic + dating = pandating, voila.

CORONAZONE

noun, also verb: to be coronazoned

This is not dissimilar to the friendzone, in the way that you quietly relegate someone there who isn’t what you want in a romantic partner. Only here, there’s the covid twist: to put someone in the coronazone is to distance yourself (further than 2 metres) from the person you were talking/flirting/entertaining yourself with (but had no intention of ever dating) for months when there was no other option, once the world opens up again. It might sound cruel, but it’s also better than just ghosting them. When you’re living in a pandemic, you’ve got to pick your battles.

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