The simple thing you can do to make sure your relationship survives lockdown

Paisley Gilmour

From Cosmopolitan

If you love reading up on the psychology of relationships and are intent on improving your romantic partnerships, you've probably heard of relationship expert, host of the podcast 'Where Shall We Begin?' and all-around-queen Esther Perel. If not, follow her on Instagram ASAP. Seriously, her no-bullshit but kind and understanding approach will forever change your attitude towards relationships.

For anyone struggling with keeping their relationship happy and healthy right now, during lockdown/quarantine/whatever you want to call it, she's given some really handy advice. In a recent interview with The New Yorker, Esther revealed the one simple thing you can do to make sure your relationship survives the pandemic.

Interviewer Rachel Syme asked Esther the million dollar question: What’s the one thing that everybody could do daily to improve their relationship while they’re stuck together during this crisis? And in typical Esther fashion, the response was perfect.

Photo credit: Chris Saucedo

First, she said it's important to normalise the fact that couples will be under stress right now. So if you're worrying that it's just you and your partner who are struggling, know you're definitely not alone. "They will turn on each other and they will take things out on each other, because they don’t feel that they can control the bigger picture. This is normal," she explained.

So what can you do about it?

"Instead of fighting about it and getting into the 'who has it worse here', just admit it together, and go from the 'I and you' to the 'we'. 'What is this doing to us? What does "us" need at this moment?' If you can think about that third entity called the relationship, and do certain things because the relationship needs it, even if it’s not what you need, that will give you a very hopeful framework."

Anyone else gobsmacked by this? It's so simple but something so many of us forget when we're feeling annoyed at our partners or stressed out.

The rest of The New Yorker interview is also fascinating and well worth a read if you're interested in learning how best to navigate your relationship during the pandemic.


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