We Google all sorts of things everyday, from how do I change a lightbulb? To, where to get the best pizza? But the question that millions of us are searching the answer for every day is 'have I already met a soulmate?'.
That nagging, lingering question 'have I missed my chance?' is inherently human and so it stands to reason that when it comes to love, we can spend a lot of time asking ourselves whether we've missed out on finding that 'one' person for ourselves.
The concept of soulmates is a polarising one. After all, in a world of 7 billion people, it’s hard to imagine we each have only one perfect match.
But many people who believe in soulmates don’t define them this way. Rather, they believe a soulmate is a person whom you connect with instantly and deeply, who sees and accepts you for who you are and at the same time, pushes you to grow into the best version of yourself.
A soulmate doesn’t even have to be a romantic connection, necessarily ― it could be a friend or work colleague. Nor does the relationship need to be easy-breezy all the time or free of conflict.
'A soulmate is someone with whom you feel affinity, harmony, mutual deep love and connection. I see this as near-complete compatibility,' explains top relationship coaching psychotherapist, Heather Garbutt.
'For some of us when we look back, we may feel that we have missed our one and only chance to be with the one we were meant to be with. That person may have seemed at that time to be our perfect match, the complement to who we were then — but maybe the timing and circumstances weren’t right?'
However, Heather says, if you feel you met the right person but just couldn't make it work for some reason, then feel reassured in the knowledge that there was probably a reason.
'From a spiritual perspective, I believe that when that occurs it’s because there is something for us still to learn,' she says. 'We need to develop something more in ourselves to be the most fulfilled and expressed self we can be before we settle down with a partner. In which case, the person we feel may have been our soulmate could simply have been introduced in our life at that time to wake us up, and the emotional charge of meeting them can be what prompts us to take action with our self-development.'
It’s worth considering that if there is high drama, crossed boundaries or emotional pain associated with trying to be with your soulmate, this may in actual fact be an attraction based on unresolved relationship issues from childhood.
'Often, we repeat unconscious distress patterns, set in place by our emotional life with our parents or caregivers,' Heather warns. 'These may include feelings of trying desperately to gain love and attention, falling in love with somebody who is emotionally or ethically unavailable, or being attracted to other emotionally damaged individuals. Our task then is to discern if this person, who we deem to be our soulmate, is truly in our lives first and foremost as somebody who is capable of loving and respecting us, is available and reliable.'
'All this needs to be questioned and abundantly clear before we get into the profoundly emotional qualities of a true soulmate connection.'
That being said, if you're still trying to figure out whether you've met your soulmate or not, these 10 questions should help give you an idea. We don't subscribe to the notion that there is only person out there for you, but that doesn't stop us all romanticising the idea of Mr or Mrs Right.
10 questions to ask yourself if you think you've already met your soulmate
1.Does being around this person give you a sense of peace and comfort?
2. Do you feel you balance each other out even though you are very different?
3.Do you get a gut feeling that you've met 'the right one' for you?
4. Are your values in total alignment?
5. Have you seen this person at their worst but love them anyway
6. Do you care so deeply about each other that you've actually felt each other's pain before? In other words, does them being in pain cause you pain?
7. Do you feel a sense of electricity when you touch?
8. Have you had rocky times but grown through them together and felt stronger at the end?
9. Do you feel like you can let your guard down and be 100 percent yourself when you’re with this person?
10. Do you feel that this person came into your life to teach you an important lesson?
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