The new president is no stranger to grief; his tragedies have shown us how loss can become a superpower
On her father’s final full day in office, Tiffany Trump shared that she is “feeling blessed” as she announced her engagement to her boyfriend of two years, Michael Boulos. Not only is this a big day for the couple and their families, but it is a big day for many across the country who have been counting down to Donald Trump’s last day in office for four years. It also happens to be Boulos’ birthday. “It’s been an honour to celebrate many milestones, historic occasions, and create memories with my family here at the White House,” Donald Trump’s youngest daughter wrote on Instagram alongside a photo of herself and Boulos at the White House. “None more special than my engagement to my amazing fiancé Michael! Feeling blessed and excited for the next chapter!” Boulos, described by Town & Country as a “scion from a wealthy family overseas” shared the same photo on his own Instagram, writing, “Got engaged to the love of my life! Looking forward to our next chapter together.” Several notable Trump supporters commented on Tiffany’s post with well wishes. “Congratulations! So excited for you both!” wrote former White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Tiffany Ariana Trump (@tiffanytrump) Boulous, who grew up in Nigeria, one of the countries Donald Trump called a “shithole” back in 2018, began dating Tiffany that very same year. Over the last two years, the pair have been spotted together at multiple events with the first family, including the State of the Union address and holidays at Mar-a-Lago. He was by her side as she stepped into the political spotlight over the summer at the Republican National Convention no doubt supporting her side stage as she, an heiress to millions attempted to relate to the mass number of students who are facing the worst job market in decades. Though we can’t vouch for whether Boulous attended the Trump Pride event in Florida where Tiffany insisted that she did, in fact, have some gay friends. But let’s be honest here: with a literal insurrection happening only two weeks ago, threats of violence leading up to president-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration, and an impending flurry of presidential pardons looming, celebrating an engagement feels like a world away from reality at the moment. Perhaps, though, this feels on-brand for Tiffany, who seems to function on her own calendar. After all, right in the middle of her father’s supporters trying to overthrow the Capitol, she posted a unique tribute to her brother, Eric, for his birthday. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?Watch This Old Video Of Trump Motorboating RudyMelania Trump Refuses To Welcome In Jill BidenWhich Republicans Who Voted To Impeach Trump?
It’s the Trump family’s last day in the White House — a day that many worried would never arrive. And over the course of four years we’ve come to know the real Melania (and the fake Melania) better than we ever would have wanted to. To recap some of her greatest hits: there was the “I don’t really care, do you?” jacket debacle, the Melania doppelganger conspiracies, and, of course, who could ever forget what she did to that poor rose garden? Not to mention that it took her nearly a week to denounce the insurrection, which she missed because she was having her rugs photographed in the White House. Yes, really. With all of these things and more in mind, Melania is leaving the White House with the worst popularity rating of any first lady at the end of her term in polling history. That means she’s ending this term with just about as much favourability as her husband. “The latest CNN/SSRS poll had Trump’s favourable rating at 42% to a 47% unfavourable rating. The 47% is the highest unfavourable rating we ever recorded for Trump. It’s also amazingly high from a historical perspective,” the report reads. “The first lady’s current favourability rating is notably higher than the President’s (33%) and among Republicans, her favourability number (84%) is higher than either the President’s (79%) or the Vice President’s (72%).” CNN’s polls have shown that the average first lady’s final popularity rating pre-Trump was 71% with an unpopularity rating of 21%. And the only first lady to leave office with a popularity rating below 40 points was Hillary Clinton, who ended her term at 52% favourable and 39% unfavourable — of course wrapped up in the Monica Lewinsky scandal and her husband’s impeachment. Yet even that beat Melania Trump’s polling numbers. But how much of this actually has to do with Melania and how much of it has to do with Donald Trump? Nothing can be sure, but her constant defence of him likely hasn’t helped her among crowds that are already displeased with their behaviour and their policies. And compared to her predecessor, Michelle Obama, who has a 69% favourability rating, she’s lagging far behind. Her approval rate plummeted in 2018 initially. Now, this newly abysmal rating comes after Melania’s odd farewell message, her touting the Be Best campaign, and her clear snub of Jill Biden’s transition into the role. While none of us were or are looking forward to any more Trumps winning anything in the future, ultimately, it’s unsurprising that Melania — hater of Christmas, critic of undocumented immigrants, and complicit in enabling many of her husband’s harmful behaviours — should win this particular race. It will hopefully be the last one that she ever does. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?Why Is Melania Celebrating Her "Be Best" Campaign?Melania Trump Refuses To Welcome In Jill BidenMelania Trump Speaks Out On Capitol Attack
On Monday, Dawson’s Creek star Katie Holmes was seen shopping in Manhattan wearing an outfit not unlike those worn by her character Joey Potter (and others on the show) in the fictional seaside town of Capeside, MA. For the occasion, the actress wore a black, double-breasted coat, jeans, and loafers paired with black socks. What gave her casual look the Capeside touch was the cream-coloured, fisherman-style sweater she wore tied around her shoulders. Capeside, though not a real place, was inspired by Cape Cod. As such, Breton shirts, collegiate crewnecks, and J.Crew sweater sets were a common sight on the show. In fact, in 1998, the preppy retailer featured the cast of the show, including Holmes, James van der Beek, Michelle Williams, and Joshua Jackson, in one of its catalogues. In it, the cast wore J.Crew’s signature cable-knit sweaters and button-downs while rowing a boat. Though not included in the catalog, Holmes’ around-the-shoulders fisherman sweater would have undoubtedly fit right into the editorial. Capeside wasn’t the only place where we saw sweaters mimicking scarves in the late ‘90s and ‘00s. Throughout the show’s run between 1998 and 2003, the style hack appeared in other TV shows and films and pop culture in general. Selma Blair frequented them in nearly every movie she starred in during the two decades, including Legally Blonde and Cruel Intentions. Autumn Reeser from The OC — which ran a little later, from 2003 to 2007 — frequently wore her lime green and pink cardigans tied around her shoulders, too. Though slightly preppier than what we’ve grown accustomed to seeing Holmes in lately, given that the back-to-school look is on the rise again (think: Bella Hadid’s recent varsity jacket and the return of Gossip Girl), it’s really no surprise that the actress would borrow a signature styling trick from her fictional hometown. Now, we’ll be recreating the look, too. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?We’re Living For Katie Holmes’ All-Denim Look4 Fashion Trends Making 2021 Look Better Already5 Stylish Women On Their 2021 Fashion Resolutions
The 25-year-old zoologist tells us about life growing up with stepdad Chris Packham
And True's just looking adorable as usual
A drastic hair change isn’t limited to a big chop or dyeing your strands platinum blonde. Protective styles are a great option if you want to test a new look while taking a break from having to style your hair daily. In the latest Hair Me Out episode, Angelique Waller was reminded of the power of protective styles with a cute braided ponytail. “When I was younger, my mom used to braid my hair. Unfortunately, she passed away when I was 13,” Waller explains. “Once I became an adult, I stopped getting my hair cornrowed or plaited, and so being able to get that again as an adult would be so dope.” Waller sat in pro stylist Sabrina Porsche‘s chair to help bring her protective style wishes to life. Porsche, who specialises in various styles from editorial to red carpet and braids, decided to give Waller a side-parted braided ponytail. Porsche started by lightly blowing out Waller’s natural curls to stretch them for braiding. “I am braiding to the back of her head and clamping [the hair] it before starting the next braid,” she explains. To keep her client’s hair neat and shiny, Porsche used Shine N’ Jam Magic Fingers gel throughout her hair. Once all of her braids met at the nape of her neck, Waller gathered the braids into a ponytail, then proceeded to merge them into one larger plait that extended down to Waller’s waist (think Sasha Fierce). Porsche used foam wrapping mousse to keep the braids neat and shiny. The final results took nearly four hours to complete but were well worth the time in the chair, according to Waller. “Getting my hair done for the first time since I was younger felt nostalgic,” she says. “It was amazing to see how my hair transformed in a few hours. It’s sexy; it provides that confidence you need to walk down the street.” Click play to see her transformation IRL. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
As Donald Trump’s presidency sputters to its much-anticipated conclusion, few people doubt that he’ll be remembered as the worst president in US history — not least because he brought the country’s most destructive tendencies to the forefront and encouraged the most violent impulses of its right-wing extremist factions. It is difficult to perform an autopsy on Trump’s presidency without first mentioning the ways in which he failed at conducting even the most basic duties of a US. president: to “preserve, protect, and defend” the US Constitution and to protect the American people from harm. During his single term in office, he fell short of these tasks in myriad ways, including by using his position for personal profit, encouraging foreign powers to dig up dirt on his opponents, and letting a fatal virus run rampant across the United States and his own White House. He behaved, and is still behaving, in ways that are so extremely cruel that many of us have had to develop coping mechanisms to numb ourselves to the very reality that this is the leader of our nation. His corruption surpasses that of Richard Nixon, and his enabling of white supremacists can only be compared to that of Andrew Johnson. No wonder he was impeached more times than both of them, combined. Even though it’s clear that the violent coup on the US Capitol that Trump incited on 6th January was a miserable failure when it came to accomplishing the task at hand — to stop Joe Biden from becoming president — it still was successful at endangering members of Congress and Vice President Mike Pence, and is responsible for the deaths of a police officer and several of Trump’s own supporters. Of course, Trump doesn’t care. His goal has always seemed to be causing chaos and advancing the fortunes of himself and his family, and so it’s no surprise that he is refusing to make anything like a concession or any of the regularly scheduled overtures to the President-elect and his administration. Instead, he’s basically departing the White House with his middle finger up and an ominous promise to never really leave the national stage; political science and history experts warn of a coming rise in domestic terrorism from his supporters, and a continued fall in confidence in democratic institutions among the American population. Sadly, that is far from Trump’s only legacy. Back when he first ran and even his candidacy, let alone a win, seemed implausible, Trump’s campaign was defined by two violent, xenophobic moments, showing that his supporters always knew who he was and either enabled his white supremacy actively or by ignoring it. The first was perpetuating the racist birther theory that President Barack Obama was born in Kenya and not the US, which was gleefully perpetuated by the worst of right-wing fringes. The second was when he called Mexican immigrants drug dealers, criminals, and rapists in his campaign launch speech, encouraging already-existent xenophobia among his followers and setting a tone for his administration’s ruthless immigration policy: The beginning of his presidency saw a prolonged court battle over the clearly unconstitutional Muslim travel ban. Then followed the separation of thousands of migrant children from their parents at the US-Mexico border, the escalation of an already increasingly aggressive ICE deportation system, and horrific accounts of forced hysterectomies performed on migrant women. All throughout, Trump made sure that he fulfilled his pledge of “draining the swamp,” only, to him, that actually meant getting rid of career public servants and enacting an extremist right-wing takeover of all of the country’s major institutions and taking an axe to civility, kindness, and progress. He hired Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education, a billionaire know-nothing whose mission it is to destroy public schools. He hired Attorney General Jeff Sessions to help him carry out the Muslim ban, then Attorney General William Barr to help him discredit Robert Mueller’s findings of obstruction. He hired Mike Pompeo, who has helped destroy the State Department — as well as long-standing relationships with major foreign allies. And who could forget the trifecta of Federalist Society-darling Supreme Court judges, seemingly designed in a lab to be stunningly out of step with the values of the American public — one of whom has been credibly accused of sexual assault? The handpicking of the anti-abortion, anti-voting rights Amy Coney Barrett was surely the icing on the cake. And then, there was Trump’s grandest and most despicable failure, the reason we are sitting at home right now instead of living our lives — and the reason many of us now know someone who has died of a deadly virus and 11 million Americans are unemployed. Despite knowing that the coronavirus pandemic was coming and that it would be serious and deadly, Trump decided to ignore his advisors who pushed him to pursue aggressive measures to curb the spread of the virus. Instead, he fell lockstep with the saddest, most pathetic of his supporters, those who protested, often armed, in front of state capitols like that in Michigan in favour of lifting mask requirements and anti-lockdown measures. He tweeted “LIBERATE MICHIGAN!” and “LIBERATE VIRGINIA” like a brainwashed right-winger who has read one too many Facebook posts, rather than the president of the United States (admittedly, in the last four years, those two things have been one and the same). He constantly used racist slurs like “the Chinese virus” to describe the illness. Ignoring the pleas of Dr. Anthony Fauci, the media, and reason itself, he continued to hold gigantic rallies to stroke his own ego, which in turn caused spikes in infections, and even killed Tea Party leader and avid Trump supporter Herman Cain. He let Americans die — and was himself hospitalised — while assuring us that the virus was no big deal and would be over soon. It’s worse than ever; the death count now stands at over 400,000 Americans. Trump’s willingness to see his opposition suffer knew no bounds. He unleashed the military on thousands of protestors in American cities this summer who marched for the Black Lives Matter movement against police violence, spread dangerous conspiracy theories about the protests through his toxic Twitter account, and supported white supremacist killers like Kyle Rittenhouse. But equally, he seemed not to care about his own supporters’ lives, sending them into the deadly turbulence of the Capitol on January 6 in a desperate last-ditch effort to derail the counting of Electoral College results and stop democracy at work. He has completely ignored, and actually willingly exacerbated, the global threat of climate change, an act of negligence that follows his pattern of cruelty, selfishness, and corporate cronyism. Now, as he reportedly sits in the White House “bitter” and in a “foul mood” awaiting his ceremonial farewell tomorrow morning — which some staff are apparently trying to skip because they don’t want to be seen there — Trump’s legacy has been written, and it includes not one, but two impeachments, a historic incumbent loss, and a series of anti-democratic (and embarrassing) attempts to overturn the election. And now, there are over 20,000 National Guard troops in Washington, D.C., the largest military presence in an American city since the Civil War, to protect President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Kamala Harris from the domestic terrorists whom Trump himself has sent there. In his goodbye speech this afternoon, Trump condemned political violence, but his Teleprompter-induced words belied his actions, and were at odds with recent events. Or, at least until he said, “We did what we came here to do.” It is important to remember that while history might see Trump as a failure, in his own eyes, he is a success: Violence is what he came here to do, and it is what he has accomplished, in countless, horrific ways. It’s why it’s hard to view his defeat as an uncomplicated victory; there’s still so much work to do, cleaning up the mess he’s left behind. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?Watch This Old Video Of Trump Motorboating RudyMelania Trump Refuses To Welcome In Jill BidenDonald Trump Has Officially Been Impeached — Again
If you considered a fringe, pink highlights, or found yourself Googling "tiny tattoos" at some point during the year 2020, chances are you've toyed with the idea of a new ear piercing, too. The psychology is pretty intuitive: Many of us are itching for a change, and a permanent one is especially tempting. But as the UK continues to enforce strict salon restrictions to curb the spread of COVID-19, the days of walking into your local tattoo parlour or piercing studio with your sister and getting quickie cartilage piercings are over. Instead, you'll have to make a solo appointment with a professional well in advance, affording you extra time to think about what you want — which might actually save you from future piercing regret.So, in the spirit of planning for future piercings, we spoke with Brain Keith Thompson, celebrity piercer and the owner of LA's Body Electric studio (which is currently closed due in accordance with California public-health mandates), and he gave us some of his favourite ear-decor predictions for the new year and beyond. Scroll through for the coolest trend report you've seen in a while.ConstellationsRight before the most recent mandated salon shutdown in California, Thompson says he was booking safe, single-client appointments, mostly for constellation piercings. "I was seeing a lot of constellation piercings — which is multiple piercings clustered together — and I feel the trend will definitely stick around," Thompson explains. "It's a great option if you're looking to get a few piercings in a single appointment; you get that instant gratification."Huggie HoopsIn terms of earring styles, Thompson says there are two trending pieces, both small and dainty: gold hoops and teeny-tiny diamond studs. Of the former, it's huggie or bust. "It's funny, I had never heard the word 'huggie' until all my clients started asking for them," he says. "It's in reference to tight-fitting, snug, mini hoops — and truly, everyone wants stacks of huggies right now."Micro StudsWhen it comes to diamonds, or micro pavé settings, the smaller, the better. "I'm usually piercing with very small diamond studs," Thompson says. "I'm not doing a lot of very extravagant, large pieces, like I once was. I see the trend towards a dainty, minimalistic ear look. It's about a lot of tiny diamonds instead of one big one."Lobe PlacementIt's impossible to talk about piercing trends in 2021 without mentioning face masks, which secure around your ears. "Given that we'll be wearing face coverings at least until the end of the year, I'm letting clients know that cartilage piercings might not be the best idea," Thompson explains of the 2021 move towards earlobe-exclusive piercings. "When you're piercing your cartilage and that mask is coming on and off, it might cause irritation. But lobe piercings a lot are easier to avoid, and they heal a lot faster."Ear Asymmetry If you're going in for a new piercing (or three), Thompson recommends treating each ear individually. "I like to decorate the ears completely different from each other," he explains. "So on one side might be all gold hoops, stacked together. The other side would be a mix of small studded diamonds. I love any kind of asymmetrical decoration." Think of your ears as sisters — not twins.Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?The 2021 Loungewear Trend You Need Now4 Fashion Trends Making 2021 Look Better AlreadyPinterest Search For "Indie Nails" Is Up 21%
Following the news of her reported breakup with Ben Affleck, actress Ana de Armas just revealed a very drastic change to her look. Call it a breakup cut or simply a chic Parisian bob that hits the sweet spot between fresh and classic in style, but the 32-year-old star looks nothing like she did the last time she was seen out in public with Affleck in LA. Returning to her family home in Cuba, de Armas wasted no time booking a hair appointment, chopping her formerly long, wavy brunette hair into a jawline-skimming bob with blunt baby fringes and taking the colour a few shades darker. The Cuban-Spanish actress debuted the look on 17th January in a video honouring her friend Claudia Muma, which was later posted to YouTube. De Armas comes onto the screen at about 1 hour and 24 minutes into the recording, reciting a sweet dedication and giving her fans and friends a live-action look at her freshly-chopped and toned French-girl bob. De Armas complemented her new cut and colour with an equally chic ensemble of a simple white V-neck T-shirt, minimalist jewellery, subtle winged eyeliner to enhance her hazel eyes, and a flush of pink on her cheeks and lips. Relationship rumours aside, we have to say: This single low-resolution screenshot of de Armas could launch an entire Pinterest board of style and beauty inspiration for Zoom meetings in 2021. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?French Girls Are Going On A Scissor StrikeAIRFRO Is The Hair Product Sporty Black Girls NeedMy Damaged Pink Hair Transformation Reveal
Screenshots allegedly show Lucie saying she was bullied on the show by Yewande
The Victoria & Albert Museum is globally renowned for its blockbuster fashion exhibitions, having taken a deep dive into subjects as varied as handbags, kimonos and underwear, and hosting retrospectives on the likes of Christian Dior, Frida Kahlo, Balenciaga and Mary Quant. Today it announces that its next major show will be a celebration of African fashion. Opening June 2022, Africa Fashion will be “celebrating the irresistible creativity, ingenuity and unstoppable global impact of contemporary African fashions as dynamic and varied as the continent itself.” Curated by Dr Christine Checinska, curator of African diaspora fashion, over 250 objects sourced from the personal archives of contemporary African creatives will sit alongside the V&A’s in-house collection of textiles and photographs – many of which will be on display for the first time ever. “Our guiding principle is the foregrounding of individual African voices and perspectives,” Checinska said in a statement from the museum. “The exhibition will present African fashions as a self-defining art form that reveals the richness and diversity of African histories and cultures. To showcase all fashions across such a vast region would be to attempt the impossible. Instead, Africa Fashion will celebrate the vitality and innovation of a selection of fashion creatives, exploring the work of the vanguard in the twentieth century and the creatives at the heart of this eclectic and cosmopolitan scene today. We hope this exhibition will spark a renegotiation of the geography of fashion and become a game-changer for the field.” Focusing on the first generation of African designers to gain global attention – from Shade Thomas-Fahm and Chris Seydou to Kofi Ansah and Alphadi – the exhibition will “trace their rise and impact, their creative process and inspirations, brought to life by real stories from those who loved and wore their distinctive designs.” Much like the Mary Quant exhibition, the V&A is issuing a call-out for the general public to submit their garments and personal testimonies to bring the show to life. Items the museum is looking for include: • Rare and early designs by Shade Thomas-Fahm, Chris Seydou, Kofi Ansah and Alphadi.• 1980s experimental garments in bògòlanfini by Chris Seydou. • Twentieth century kente, bògòlanfini, khanga and commemorative cloths from the independence and liberation years that connect to personal stories. • Family portraits and home movies from the independence and liberation years showing African and African diasporic fashion trends of the day. • Made-to-order garments, including aso ebi, co-created by local tailors, dressmakers and their clients, worn at festivals or to mark significant personal milestones, from 2010 onwards. • Copies of Drum Magazine from 1950-1970. “Help us tell this visually compelling story of unbounded creativity, agency and self-fashioning,” Checinska says. “Check attics, trunks, family photo albums and home movies for the chance to feature in our exhibition.” Though it’ll be some time until we’re able to visit galleries and museums safely, news of the thrilling Africa Fashion exhibition is giving us something to look forward to. The call-out for Africa Fashion is launched today and will run until 1st May 2021. Anyone with objects that fit the description is asked to get in touch by email at africafashion@vam.ac.uk, and to share their pictures and memories using the hashtag #AfricaFashion. Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?The V&A's New Handbag Exhibit Has It AllThe Instagram Account Celebrating African FashionFarfetch & The Folklore Are Teaming Up
The Instagram account Therapy For Women has 248k followers. It’s run by “retired party girl” and “relatable therapist” Amanda White. Scrolling through her posts is to be immersed in a familiar palette: millennial pink, blush and teal hues punctuated by paintbrush strokes and splodges which accent motivational quotes such as “Life isn’t a pass or fail exam. It’s a big, messy experiment.” Occasionally, these quotes are further decorated with hand-painted leaves and fruit, too. This aesthetic is so familiar that it’s instantly comforting. This is one of 25-year-old London-based digital marketing executive Elisha’s* favourite therapy accounts. Through the last year of life under COVID-19, she’s found herself spending more and more time on it. “It serves as a series of quotes and reminders to keep me in check when it comes to my feelings and emotions,” she explains to me over WhatsApp. “I have spoken with my GP several times regarding my mental health recently. I was put on a waiting list for CBT, which I gave up on.” Throughout the pandemic, doctors have confirmed that they are seeing a rise in people reporting severe mental health problems. At the same time, as a recent investigation conducted by The Guardian revealed, the use of antidepressants is soaring and is now at an all-time high because the coronavirus crisis has impacted people’s access to NHS counselling and psychological therapies services. Could this, in part, be responsible for sending young women to Instagram, causing them to seek support from accessible therapists on the platform? Elisha also follows Serein Micheline (135k followers), who posts face-to-camera videos about mental health broadly but specialises in complex post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety, and DLC Anxiety (885k followers), which describes itself as “the world’s largest anxiety support community”. “I think [Instagram therapy] helps break the stigma and has less of a barrier to entry than traditional therapy,” she reflects. “In order to get traditional therapy you’ll need to speak to your GP, gain a referral from them and then wait months on a waiting list.” The maximum waiting time for “non-urgent” referrals for therapy on the NHS is 18 weeks. However, prior to the pandemic it was revealed that people were having to wait longer for regular treatment after their initial assessment. Private therapy or counselling sessions can cost anywhere between £40 and £250 an hour depending on what approach you need and where you live, so is it any wonder that social media has begun to fill in the gaps? Twenty-three-year-old Amy, a writer from London, says it’s not only the accessibility that draws her to these accounts. Unable to afford therapy privately, unsure if she was in a bad enough place to seek help via her GP when the NHS was already under so much pressure and, as she puts it, “feeling drained from having the same conversations with friends about how we were all struggling,” Amy found that Instagram therapists were able to provide a “pick-me-up” while reassuring her that hundreds of other people were also struggling. I think [Instagram therapy] helps break the stigma and has less of a barrier to entry than traditional therapy, which you need to speak to your GP, gain a referral and then wait months on a waiting list to access.elisha*, 25 “There’s a community aspect to it,” she explains. “Lots of people interact in the comments section and share their experiences, it’s almost like group therapy in that sense.” More than that, she notes that even if you are able to see a therapist, “you can only speak to them once a week” and these accounts are “always there for the days you’re struggling.” Amy’s favourite accounts include Sara Kuburic’s Millennial Therapist (717k followers) and Alison Seponara’s The Anxiety Healer (304k followers). “When the pandemic began, a lot of my friends were sharing infographics from these therapy accounts. I would click through and start scrolling, which meant my explore page was soon filled with more and more of these slideshows,” she explains. “At first I thought they were quite ‘pretty’ and ‘cute’ but as the pandemic worsened, and after the emotional fatigue of months of social distancing set in, I found them to be really helpful.” It’s worth noting that many of the accounts mentioned so far in this article are run by verified professionals. Amanda White, for instance, who runs Therapy For Women, is based in the US. So while she’s not subject to the same regulations as British psychotherapists, she is a licensed therapist in America. Nonetheless, the colours and illustrations exhibited on Elisha’s favourite therapy account are typical of Instagram’s wellness culture which, sadly, is all too often typified by the musings of people who categorically are not experts or qualified to give advice in their chosen field. Think people with no financial expertise offering courses in “manifesting money”. Sadly, you don’t have to look far on Instagram to find visually similar but less reputable accounts. They post laconic quotes which say generic things such as “cut toxic people out of your life” with no further guidance or context and are liked hundreds of times over. It might sound good but, at best, it doesn’t really mean anything. At worst, it is an approach to life which lacks any nuance whatsoever and provides no real coping strategies. Earlier this year, a BBC investigation found that there are no laws against anyone operating as a therapist, psychotherapist or a counsellor in the UK. This was, they said, being fuelled in part by cheap online courses which allow you to cheat to complete them, meaning qualifications are often meaningless. So should we be concerned that young women are turning to social media because they are struggling to access services via their GP? Is there a danger that they’ll take advice from the wrong people? And is there a risk that they won’t be getting the help they need because those Instagram posts are, by their definition, a one-size-fits-all approach where one-to-one talking therapy is always tailored to the individual receiving it? Clinical psychologists cannot even begin to meet the demand right now. The number of enquiries have gone through the roof since the pandemic began, I have never seen anything like this.linda blair A spokesperson for the British Psychological Society told Refinery29 that they “would always recommend checking the credentials of anyone offering mental health advice to the public.” They added that “individuals providing therapy should be registered with the Health & Care Professions Council (HCPC) to ensure they have the relevant training and experience and adhere to a professional code of conduct.” Amy says she is already mindful of this. “A lot of the accounts I follow are run by trained psychotherapists but I’ve seen many run by people who have no formal qualifications and have occasionally said things that seem harmful,” she adds before noting that Instagram therapy can only really go so far because “it’s very generalised advice.” This is also on Elisha’s mind. “I worry that there are no guidelines,” she says, “so Instagram therapy runs the risk of being unregulated. I think it’s sometimes too easy to take an account that you trust as a safe source of information, to treat it as gospel when it’s not actually tailored to you in the way a one-on-one session would be.” Linda Blair is a clinical psychologist and author of The Key To Calm. She says she is not surprised at all to hear that young women are finding solace in Instagram’s therapy accounts. “These young women are probably struggling to find a therapist, even if they can afford it,” she says matter-of-factly over the phone. “Let me tell you, we clinical psychologists cannot even begin to meet the demand right now. The number of enquiries have gone through the roof since the pandemic began, I have never seen anything like this.” Against that backdrop, she cautions that nobody should expect to get “proper individualised therapy on Instagram” but says that “if you pick up a few tips and you know that’s all it is, then there’s no harm in using it as a tool. I don’t think we should ban it or wag our finger at it but we should make sure that everyone using it as a resource knows that.” Ultimately, Linda adds, “Therapy isn’t just something you have a dose of and move on. Throughout your life, you will have crises and you will return to it, to the self-exploration it enables. It should, hopefully, be something that informs your life all the way through.” However, with financial barriers to accessing private therapy and long waiting lists for both public and private services, for now, the best of these accounts are making young women like Elisha and Amy feel less alone. “Especially since coronavirus,” Elisha says, “it’s become a coping mechanism for me. I know it’s only bitesize tips and guidance but it provides comfort.” *Some names have been changed to protect identities Like what you see? 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Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.This week: "I'm a 24-year-old junior doctor living by myself on the south coast and trying my best to keep going through the COVID-19 pandemic.Growing up my family was very comfortable. Both my parents are in finance so conversations around the dinner table often consisted of detailed discussions of trends in the S&P 500 or the latest IPO but I had no idea about day-to-day finances until about the age of 18. I do worry about money now. Mostly I feel guilty about not being able to help my parents in any way/repay their generosity. I also worry enormously about not being able to provide the same lifestyle for my children as my parents did for me. That being said, I believe in the NHS and don't want to work in private healthcare. A dilemma. I also sometimes make very impulsive purchases – usually presents for other people. This stresses me out and yet I continue to do it."Industry: HealthcareAge: 24Location: South coastSalary: £29,000. This is approximate as it depends on how many locum shifts I pick up. I'm hoping to bump it up to around 32k by the end of the year. NHS pension is 9.3% and is deducted pre-tax. I also pay £12 a month for the doctors mess. This would usually be for socials/sports etc. but is currently just a Diet Coke subscription. Paycheque amount: £1,836 monthly.Monthly ExpensesHousing costs: £700 rent including all bills. Super cheap for my area, especially as I live alone.Savings? £63,000: £3,000 in my savings account, £30,000 in a LISA, £30,000 in a SIPP. Both the LISA and SIPP are courtesy of my parents saving for me throughout my life. I know I'm extraordinarily lucky to have parents who can afford to invest money on my behalf and are financially literate enough to do so. They also paid for my university tuition so I don't have any debt. I know I'm very privileged and am beyond grateful to my parents for their hard work and generosity. All other monthly expenses: £29 gym membership (currently on hold as we're in tier 4). £5 New York Times subscription. £18.99 phone contract (unlimited data worldwide. Wish the worldwide part was still relevant...). £9.75 British Medical Association membership. Approximately £200 savings. £10 to Oceana, a charity helping tackle marine pollution and raise awareness of the plight of the oceans. £50 therapy. I should probably go more often than monthly but it's so expensive. I have suffered from an eating disorder in various forms for about five years, which I'm still trying to squish. On a Spotify family plan, mooch Netflix off my brother.This money diary includes discussion of eating disorders and recovery.Day One5.30am: Christmas Day! I am working 8-9 today so I did a big dinner on Christmas Eve with my brother and my boyfriend, who live about an hour and a half away. Conveniently, they live in the same town (both areas were tier 2 prior to Boxing Day, both are now tier 4, cry). It was lovely but I am now tired and still very full. Reluctantly drag myself out of bed and into the shower. Leave at about 6 with a Diet Coke from the fridge in hand. Justify this bad habit with the fact that I'm working on Christmas Day. 7.30am: Manage to find a parking space near the hospital which has 11 hours of parking for £5.90. Win. It feels like it's about -5 outside so I quickly make my way inside and grab a surgical mask and some scrubs. Wear my Christmas headband with red glittery reindeer on stalks as well because I think both the patients and I will need some Christmas cheer today. 11.15am: Done with ward round and our consultant goes home with instructions to call him if it's an emergency. My registrar (a more senior doctor) and I are in dire need of coffee and I am starving. He very generously buys my black Americano (I honestly don't understand how people can like milk in coffee?!) and I buy myself an overpriced brie and cranberry sauce panini. Spend the rest of the morning doing jobs from the ward round and singing Christmas carols. Unsurprisingly, there's COVID everywhere. My department has four wards, two are now red and two are green. Usually we have separate teams covering them but on weekends and bank holidays it's all covered by the same people. We are extra careful with PPE and hand hygiene but I still depress myself with thoughts of giving COVID to all my sick patients. £4.502.30pm: Okay so apparently the canteen is closed on Christmas Day and there is nothing open on Deliveroo. I am once again hungry and end up ordering a chicken quesadilla and some chips from the only place open on Uber Eats. It turns up an hour later and is greasy and cold. I eat it anyway and console myself with a cupcake and a mince pie. Overfull, I return to work, take some blood cultures and a blood gas from a very sick patient, and roll myself down to the emergency department to get the blood gas analysed. £127pm: Get to help my reg with an emergency operation. FUN! Inhaled a cinnamon and raisin bagel with butter and two shortbread biscuits from the ward before starting the surgery, as knew we'd finish late. The operation ends up being the best part of Christmas Day, particularly as he lets me suture (and compliments my hand-tying!). It's a quick one and only takes a couple of hours. 10pm: I update the list of patients for the team tomorrow and head off at about 10. Get home by 10.30, shower and pour myself a very large glass of wine. Call my boyfriend S and de-stress, then head to bed at about midnight. Happy Christmas everyone! Total: £22.40Day Two9am: Roll out of bed and make some coffee before opening my stocking on FaceTime with my brother and parents. I know – I'm 24. My brother is 19 so neither of us has an excuse for still getting a stocking but my mum loves doing it, particularly this year as they can't be with us. My parents live in Germany and we haven't seen them since June. It's my mum's first Christmas without my grandma and I can see she's really struggling. Wish I could give her a hug. COVID sucks. Get some lovely stocking bits: chocolate, an eyeliner, a book and a new bobble hat. Mum is the cutest. After FaceTiming for an hour, say bye to go and make some breakfast – eggs and smoked salmon on toast. Indulgent because #christmas. 11am: Head off to stay with S for the weekend. As I live alone, he's my support bubble. I'm very grateful that we can continue to see each other as I think I would actually go insane otherwise – dealing with work stresses/winter without any sort of social interaction would be horrid. He lives with two uni friends, who are both single and are happy for me to be their one bubble person as well. I caught COVID in October so feel a tiny bit more relaxed about the risk of infecting them now as having had both COVID and the vaccine, I'm (hopefully) immune for at least a few months. Spend £36.50 on petrol (and a Diet Coke) on the way to S's. Forgot to mention insurance in the monthly expenses section – my insurance this year (paid in one go in October) was £860. Yay. Perks of being under 25 with a car that's probs too grown up for you. Car used to be my parents' but they gave it to me when they moved abroad five years ago. 12.30pm: Read our new books (for the first year in a long time, people actually bought me books from my wish list! So happy) on the sofa and break for a lunch of leftovers from the 24th. Full repeat of Christmas dinner, including yule log. Promptly collapse back onto sofa with books for the rest of the afternoon. 5pm: Get a bit anxious and restless about having spent all day inside. I sometimes struggle with over-exercise and feelings of guilt/shame when I don't do any. Trying to work on this – previously I would have got so anxious that I'd go for a long run but instead ask S if we can go for a walk. He is a gem and knows all about my mental health issues, and gives me an encouraging pep talk while we walk. Get back around 6 feeling much happier. Decide to crack open some of the remaining Christmas crémant. 8pm: Two bottles of crémant down and we are too drunk to cook. Order pizzas from a lovely local place on Deliveroo. S eats a whole big bag of popcorn while we wait for them, and decants some red wine as well. Mine has gorgonzola, walnuts and honey on it – don't knock it 'til you've tried it! I pay. Play some drunk Scrabble, drink yet more wine and eat some Toblerone. Bed at 11.30. £22.02Total: £58.52Day Three9am: Hungover. Shower and have a vast portion of scrambled eggs on buttered toast for breakfast, with approximately a litre of black coffee. S pats my hair sympathetically as he wanders upstairs to call his family. I watch some TV and feel sorry for myself on the sofa. Call my best friend B and catch up on her Christmas (uneventful, apart from her brother proposing to his girlfriend on Zoom!) and her life in general. We've known each other since we were 11 and this is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other. We last saw one another in person in August, which feels like it was about five years ago now. 12.30pm: Wander around the local park with my godmother and her dog (socially distanced obvs). It's nice and the winter sunshine is beautiful. She chastises me for not attending mass regularly anymore, as she's very religious. I stopped attending church regularly aged 12 but she holds out hope that I'll become a good Catholic again. I decide not to bait her and don't mention the sex toy her daughter (one of my best and oldest friends) got me for Christmas. Buy a black Americano. £2.501.30pm: Buy some fancy bread on the way home to have with soup for lunch. Follow healthy-ish lunch with the remainder of my Toblerone from yesterday. S has spent the morning watching the Formula One documentary on Netflix and regales me with fun tidbits from the show while we have lunch. He then suggests we attend an event in person at some point post-COVID. I hum noncommittally. I'll file it away as a good birthday present idea for the future, and try to get over my hatred of loud noises and the smell of petrol before then. £2.504pm: Get home to my flat and am feeling very stressed about lack of exercise/weight/overindulgence over the past few days. Unfortunately, my response to this is to binge eat. This was super difficult to write down so would appreciate it not being over-dissected in the comments. I've struggled with disordered eating for years and am getting better; it's the main reason I'm in therapy. I decided to include it here because I think there's so much shame around it that people don't talk about it or get help. I am still very ashamed of it myself, which doesn't help with the general body image difficulties. Cry on the phone to S for a bit, who is lovely and very helpful. He reassures me that it's just food and it's not the end of the world. Fall asleep and have nightmares about losing S because I can't get better. Total: £5Day Four12pm: Drag myself out of bed after a morning of sluggishly watching TV on my laptop in bed. Clean up the kitchen, then force myself out on a run. 12km later, I give up and head home. At least it's a beautiful day and I have a new audiobook to listen to. Would highly recommend Ghosts by Dolly Alderton, even if you didn't enjoy her previous book (I didn't). At home, I shower and do a face mask. 2pm: Aldi shop for the rest of the week. I buy: tomatoes, lettuce, spinach, eggs, naan bread, leeks, onion, crisps, crackers, Skyr, blueberries, Diet Coke, Cheestrings and granola. Never fails to amaze me how much cheaper Aldi is than anywhere else. At home, I have some leftover soup and some slightly soft carrots. I then manage to settle in and do some work – I have an important exam coming up in January and the last month has been super busy at work so I haven't had time or energy to do much revision. Only 30-40% of people pass the exam each time so I'm not feeling particularly confident about my chances. £22.574pm: I have a protein bar and an apple, and settle in for Zoom Secret Santa with my best friends from school. There are seven of us who still regularly hang out and it's so nice to see all their faces! I get Caste by Isabel Wilkerson – another book I've been meaning to read forever, so I'm super happy. We finish the call two hours later and I immediately settle in to start reading. 8pm: I meal prep for the week from Meera Sodha's book East. I make a subji, which is like a vegetable stew and is delicious with some naan and yoghurt. It's surprisingly filling and also takes quite a long time. After dinner, I realise that it's past 10 and I should probably head to sleep before work tomorrow. I quickly do the crossword with S (yes, we do this most evenings) and do my skincare routine (not much of a routine really, I just wash my face and put on moisturiser) before going to sleep. Total: £22.57Day Five6.30am: Wake up and start the coffee brewing before jumping in the shower and washing my hair. Quick blow-dry and I shove on trackies for my walk to work (coffee in hand, obviously). I listen to the Christmas Off Menu special on my walk – such a good podcast! Get to work at 7.40 and inhale my breakfast of yoghurt, blueberries and granola. Change into scrubs, mask on and print the list for the ward round. Three days off feels like forever and I feel like I'm moving through mud this morning.9am: The consultant is grilling me on pharmacology on the ward round when a patient on our ward has a cardiac arrest. It's all go and I do my first CPR on a real patient. The patient has COVID, which unfortunately means that there's a delay in starting resuscitation as everyone has to put on level three PPE (N95 masks, visors, gowns and gloves). After about 15 minutes, we get return of spontaneous circulation (ROSC) and the patient is whisked off to ICU. They're one of our post-heart attack patients so the outlook for them isn't great. We continue the ward round in muted tones. 11am: Coffee and debrief with my reg and consultant. This is becoming more commonplace after something like a cardiac arrest happens and I think it's great. There's still very much a culture in medicine of manning up and suppressing our emotions, which probably contributes to the high drop-out rate and rates of mental ill health in medicine. Consultant pays for my coffee but I buy my own protein bar. £2.501pm: Lunch of subji and naan in the mess. Free (or rather included in my mess membership) Diet Coke – win! Chat from a distance to some of the other junior doctors before heading back to work. Nab a couple of Quality Street from the staff room on our ward to get me through the endless discharge summaries that await me this afternoon. 5pm: Leaving on time! Walk home with the Christmas special of the Americast podcast (also very very good – def have a crush on Emily Maitlis). Get home and have some crackers and Cheestrings before heading out on a short run. Manage a relatively speedy 5k and am very glad I remembered my running gloves as it is FREEZING. 7.30pm: Have a cheese and spinach omelette with a naan bread (I know, bit rogue) for dinner and watch a couple of episodes of Bridgerton on Netflix. It's trash but entertaining. I particularly enjoy that they've instrumentalised Ariana Grande for the ballroom dancing. Have a pint of Halo Top while watching (cookie dough flavour). Unexpected catch-up with a friend (M) from medical school between episodes, which is nice! All my doctor friends' hospitals are underwater with COVID patients at the moment and everyone is feeling a bit on edge. The Christmas spike is not going to be good. 10.30pm: Talk to S and do the crossword (most of it – we're not on peak form today). I realise it's his mum's birthday next week and panic shop for a present for her online. I end up buying her some sterling silver giraffe-shaped earrings on Etsy. I have two mugs of peppermint and liquorice tea before heading to bed. £14.20Total: £16.70Day Six5.45am: Head out in the dark and cold to do circuits with my friend V on the common. I offered (stupidly) to bring kettlebells, forgetting that mine are 9 and 20kg respectively. Clutching them in my arms like a very heavy baby, I stagger my way to the common, which is thankfully only a five minute walk. We manage 40 minutes of a mishmash of exercises (avoiding anything that involves lying on the cold, wet grass). I sanitise the kettlebell she used and we head home. 7.45am: Cycled to work today and get here with just enough time to eat my usual breakfast and change. Still very sweaty from the cycle and can feel a wet patch form almost immediately between my shoulder blades. Try to discreetly unstick my scrubs from my back as I go to handover – not sure I'm successful. I apologise for that mental image. 11am: On the red wards for this week and it's a bit depressing. Tbh, we don't do all that much for COVID patients. We give them steroids, monitor their oxygen requirements and blood test results, then basically wait and see. Some will improve, others will require ICU or palliation. Many of the COVID patients aren't actually in hospital because of their COVID – they're awaiting operations for other things and can't have them until they're negative. We finish ward round quite quickly and I help the green team with some jobs that can be done remotely, like discharge summaries. 1.30pm: Forgot to bring my lunch (well done me) so somehow end up spending £8.50 (?!?!) on a prawn mayo sandwich, protein bar, Diet Coke and apple. What a joke. Over lunch, one of the other juniors shows us a video that's been going around of a woman walking maskless through empty hospital corridors as 'proof' that the pandemic is a hoax. Rage-inducing. The corridors are empty because we're not allowing visitors and all outpatient appointments have been cancelled. I spent some of my morning prescribing end-of-life medications for one of my patients with COVID so the video puts me in a particularly foul mood. £8.505.20pm: Cycle home and make eggs on toast with carrots and lettuce for an early dinner. Still in a foul mood so at about 6.30 I head out for a walk with another of my favourite podcasts: Fortunately... with Fi and Jane. It's comforting listening and the sea air feels nice. I chat to my mum while walking as well and she makes me laugh with her complaints about the German sense of humour and the fact that my dad has rekindled his love of Abba recently. Head home in a much better mood. 7.30pm: Stop off at Aldi to buy tampons on the way home. £2.208.30pm: See that I've been charged an extra £15.44 by my phone provider this month (on top of my usual £19-ish contract). Realise it's because I called my dad numerous times on his German phone rather than using FaceTime. Why am I so stupid. Suck it up and make a mental note never to do that again. £15.4410pm: Have most of a 100g bar of chocolate and a packet of crisps. Hate myself quite a lot for this but try and rationalise the feelings and not let them overwhelm me. Mostly successful – proud of myself! Head to bed after chatting to S and washing face etc. No energy for crossword this evening but oh well. Total: £26.14Day Seven5.45am: Awake and scrolling through phone. Try and find energy for run, fail. Contemplate New Year's resolutions and do my yearly thing of coming up with a really long list, which I will save on my phone and promptly forget about. Message S as he's also up (he starts work at 6.30 – no idea how he does this) and he suggests I come over to his after work as I have tomorrow off (I'm working the weekend). Yes, please. 7.45am: Usual walk to work, this time with the Ghosts audiobook, breakfast, scrubs. Talk myself out of buying a Costa on my way in and instead have room temperature coffee from the cafetière in the staff room when I arrive at work. Much nicer than anticipated and stronger than rocket fuel. 11am: Ward round finished and I'm about to be bought coffee by my registrar when I get bleeped by bereavement to come and do a death certificate. Abandon coffee expedition reluctantly and get sucked into a two-hour nightmare of going between the medical examiner and coroner's officer. Feel like Hermione. "I am not an owl!" 2pm: Have lunch of subji, naan, yoghurt and a Diet Coke. Have loads of jobs left to do this afternoon because of the bereavement office nightmare so crack on after lunch. Unfortunately, one of my patients is deteriorating so I bleep my registrar to come and review her. He agrees that she looks worse and we review her bloods. Her procalcitonin is raised, suggesting a bacterial infection on top of COVID, so we start her on antibiotics. She has multiple comorbidities and would be unlikely to benefit from ICU admission so we write a treatment escalation plan form for her and update the nurses on the plan. I call her family, who are desperate to visit. I feel like a horrible person as I deny them access to their very sick relative. I have to tell them that they can only come in if she's actually dying, and they cry. 6.20pm: I leave work over an hour late and starving. I grab a meal deal and packet of gum from M&S on the way to the car – spenny but worth it. Prawn mayo, Diet Coke and carrots with hummus. Jump in the car and leave for S's. £5.608.10pm: Arrive at S's to find he's still at work. Chat for a while with L and G, his housemates, who I've got really close to during the pandemic. We have a gin and tonic, which makes me immediately sleepy. I text S to see if he'll be home soon but no reply. I fall asleep on the sofa. 10.40pm: S arrives home, in a very bouncy mood for someone who's just had a 16-hour day at work. I wake up very disorientated and sleepily cuddle him on the sofa while he talks about his day. I doze off again while he grabs a drink and they let me sleep until 5 to 12, when they wake me for the start of 2021. I eat a celebratory Oreo and we go to bed. Grateful to be with friends this evening, and to be rid of 2020. What a weird year. Total: £5.60The BreakdownFood & Drink: £170.14Entertainment: £2.70Clothes & Beauty: £160.45Transportation: £25.60Other £12.45Total: £371.34Conclusion "In conclusion, I would say this is a pretty average spend week. I cooked less than is usual for me and ordered in more, but what is the Christmas perineum (as my family call it) for if not that? I also noticed how much of a toll work during a pandemic is having on my mental health, particularly living alone. While I have struggled with mental health difficulties for years, I’ve never been this acutely anxious before. I’m grateful that I have such a good support network in my family and friends, and that I’m lucky enough to have a financial safety net such that I’m not also worried about money on top of the pandemic. I hope everyone had a good new year and is making it through lockdown three!" Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?Money Diary: A Pharmaceutical Scientist On 38kMoney Diary: A 25-Year-Old Radiographer On 31kMoney Diary: A Consultant In Solihull On 38k
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