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Sex expert reveals 3 most important steps to achieve your best orgasm

Happy young couple having fun in bed
Orgasms aren't just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets. They have physical and mental benefits too, but the mystery of the Big O has alluded men and women for centuries.

Get on this if you want to get off.

Orgasms aren’t just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets — they have physical and mental benefits too. Yet the mystery of the Big O has eluded men and women for centuries.

Many surveys suggest that about half of women are not satisfied with how often they reach climax — and 10% to 15% of women have never had an orgasm in their lives, as reported by the National Library of Medicine.

Orgasms aren’t just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets. They have physical and mental benefits too, but the mystery of the Big O has eluded men and women for centuries. luckybusiness – stock.adobe.com
Orgasms aren’t just a way to finish getting freaky in the sheets. They have physical and mental benefits too, but the mystery of the Big O has eluded men and women for centuries. luckybusiness – stock.adobe.com

Men have less trouble — only about 5% to 10%, according to a study published by Sexual Medicine — but that still leaves millions of Americans who can’t reach climax, or feel insecure when their partner can’t get off.

Every body is different, but research and experts agree these three factors are key to reaching the finish line.

Stimulation

The right combination of pressure and rhythm on the erotic zones will create the perfect stimulation. Kaspars Grinvalds – stock.adobe.com
The right combination of pressure and rhythm on the erotic zones will create the perfect stimulation. Kaspars Grinvalds – stock.adobe.com

It may seem intuitive, but what does “stimulation” really mean?

“The whole thing about the type of stimulation that you need is a combination of pressure and rhythm,” Dr. Mintz, a sex psychologist and therapist, told The Post.

Applying the right amount of pressure to erotic zones, such as the clitoris, the penis or the ears, helps build sexual arousal and eventually activates the muscles to contract, a necessary physical step

Pressure also needs to be applied with a good rhythm — which some suggest is the key to orgasm claiming.

Experts, including Dr. Mintz, agree that a great way to find the sweet spot for the G-spot is to bring a vibrator into the bedroom.

Getting into the flow of a good rhythm can focus attention so intensely that it overtakes any other thoughts and self-awareness nearly putting the person in a trance and allowing for a sufficient intensity of experience to trigger the mechanisms of climax, according to a study published in Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology.

Mindfulness

“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place at the time,” Dr. Mintz, a LELO ambassador, explained. “And most of us don’t do that in our life, let alone our sex life.” Prostock-studio – stock.adobe.com
“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place at the time,” Dr. Mintz, a LELO ambassador, explained. “And most of us don’t do that in our life, let alone our sex life.” Prostock-studio – stock.adobe.com

To reach a sexual trance, you have to hone in on the sensations of the sexual experience and achieve mindfulness.

“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place at the time,” Dr. Mintz, a LELO ambassador, explained. “And most of us don’t do that in our life, let alone our sex life.”

“When we’re having sex we’re in our head, ‘What do I look like? What am I doing? Am I doing okay?’ And you can’t orgasm when you’re not in your body. You have to learn how to be in your body.”

She advises everyone to try meditation or yoga to practice mindfulness in their daily lives or play music during sex.

“A myth about mindfulness is that it takes a lot of practice and that you have to meditate every day. No. You can practice being mindful in your daily life,” Dr. Mintz insisted.

An easy way to begin practicing mindfulness is when brushing your teeth, Dr. Mintz shared.

“The next time you brush your teeth, really focus on the sensations. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the sensations. You can learn mindfulness in daily activities and then apply it to the bedroom,” she suggested.

Communication

As with many parts of a relationship, communication is key to orgasming. Getty Images
As with many parts of a relationship, communication is key to orgasming. Getty Images

Once you’ve used mindfulness to discover what pressure and rhythm are getting you to the finish line, you have to communicate that to your partner.

“Couples — no matter if it’s a hook-up or a relationship — who, communicate about sex and talk about what they need during sex are much, much more likely to orgasm,” Dr. Mintz said.

“A common myth is that your partner should know what you want without asking. Nobody reads minds. That’s where communication comes in.”

While moaning and groaning can help guide your partner, verbally directing them how to help you cum on.