What your sex dreams really mean, according to an expert
Do you ever have vivid sex dreams?
You're not alone. I have two: the first is about Sean Bean who I had a crush on as a teen. Usually it involves Sean, dressed in a uniform, meeting me at a night club, gently pushing my hair behind my ear, caressing my face then letting his hand wander further down. I wake up before the sex actually happens feeling flustered – in the best possible way.
At the other end of the spectrum is a recent sex dream I've been having about my partner. He takes me to a hotel for a night of passion, but it turns out that the hot sex is always with another woman and I wake up seething.
So why do I have these dreams and more importantly do they mean something?
WHY FREQUENT SEX DREAMS HAPPEN
Whether you're in a relationship or single, all women have sex dreams. Sex with a celebrity or dreaming of infidelity are two of the most common themes according to Dr Jennifer Parker, an associate research fellow at the University of West England. "Dreams of having sex with a 'taboo' person (like a partner's best friend), may leave women feeling guilty and questioning if they may fancy this person in waking life," explains Dr Parker.
"But in fact, if you're having a lot of sex dreams it can simply mean you're feeling extra aroused or that your mind and body are hoping to snap you out of a dry spell."
Hormones play a huge role too. "Pre-menstrually, it's common for women to dream about aggressive interactions. Post-menstrually, many women feel at their most sexual, so it makes sense they dream more about sex and achieving orgasm," says Dr Parker.
According to a recent study, Dreaming Of You by Dylan F. Selterman, a Professor at the University of Maryland, sex dreams about a partner, whether good or bad, can manifest themselves in real life. "For people whose relationships were going well, after having a sex dream they reported higher levels of closeness/intimacy with their partner the next day. However, for people whose relationships were not going well, a sex dream left them feeling more distant," explains Selterman.
ARE FREQUENT SEX DREAMS A HIDDEN MESSAGE?
Other sex dreams might not be about sex at all. Like an encounter with your boss - it probably doesn't mean you're hot for them; it could be you wanting to progress in your job or make a career change so consider what other events are going on in your waking life that could affecting what happens during your sleep.
Any number of emotions can be experienced in a sex dream and it can be tough to get over them as they're so personal. Dr Ruth recommends these checks and balances to make sure dreams don't become a nightmare. "Take a moment to reground yourself by connecting to your physical surroundings: listen for sounds outside your window and touch the fabric of your sheets. If it was about a partner, let them know you had a difficult dream and reconnect with them, too."
1. CHEATING
If you're the cheat, it may be a sign that you're feeling unfulfilled in your relationship. Being cheated on may reveal your insecurity or jealousy.
2. EX SEX
Don't panic, this doesn't necessarily mean you want them back. It could be that you still have some feelings about the break up to work through or fears your new one going the same way.
3. SAME SEX SEX (IF YOU'RE HETEROSEXUAL)
This could be you accepting your own character traits. The attributes of the woman you're dreaming of could reflect what you want need or desire.
4. INAPPROPRIATE SEX
People we see frequently can be regular characters in our dreams. It doesn't usually have a deep romantic meaning, it's just the way your brain merges real life. Enjoy your private fantasy!
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