What to do and see in London this week 9th-15th September

·3-min read
Crimes of the Future (Crimes of the Future)
Crimes of the Future (Crimes of the Future)

THE CREATION CREMATION

NFTs: are they a valuable commodity or simply useless pixels? Well, last year artist Damien Hirst left it up to us to decide. After having sold 10,000 physical artworks and matching NFTs for $2,000 each, he asked each buyer to decide which they would rather keep. The Currency at Newport Street Gallery will see Hirst burn some of the 4,581 discarded canvas artworks every day beginning 9 September. RIP.

(newportstreetgallery.com)

Damien Hirst: firestarter (Damien Hirst: firestarter)
Damien Hirst: firestarter (Damien Hirst: firestarter)

THE SURGICAL SCI-FI FLICK

Okay: I’m tired and my brain isn’t working. What have you got in the feel-good mould?

How about David Cronenberg’s dystopian hymn Crimes Of The Future, which — as well as a six minute standing ovation — had people walking out after five minutes at Cannes? Doesn’t sound promising.

Why did they walk out?

Well, in the first scene a mum suffocates her son to death with a pillow. Although to be fair to her, he had just eaten a bin.

You mean eaten out of a bin?

No, he eats the bin itself. I don’t want to know. Who’s in it? Viggo Mortensen, Léa Seydoux, Kristen Stewart.

Cool line-up: colour me a little bit more interested. What happens in it?

Not loads. It’s more one of those very slow, very serious sci-fi films. Basically it’s set in a future where advances in biotechnology mean pain and diseases don’t really exist any more, ‘surgery is the new sex’ and Viggo’n’Léa are a big-time performance art couple who shit out organs.

But no laser guns or aliens?

There are these sort of dentist’s chairs that are a bit like alien beings, but not in the traditional ‘we want to kill all humans’ sense, no.

All sounds quite… David Cronenberg.

It is. But don’t worry, Jaws in remastered 3D is just out, too. Maybe let’s just do that instead.

Crimes of the Future is in your future (Crimes of the Future is in your future)
Crimes of the Future is in your future (Crimes of the Future is in your future)

THE WITCH HUNT

Brooms at the ready: Arthur Miller’s revered play The Crucible is returning to the stage at the National Theatre. Directed by Lyndsey Turner, this women-led show is set to shine a whole new light on the Salem-based witch hunt, written all the way back in 1953.

Tickets from £20 (nationaltheatre.org.uk)

Get captivated by The Crucible (Get captivated by The Crucible)
Get captivated by The Crucible (Get captivated by The Crucible)

THE NOSEY

Guess what, you creeps? You no longer have to stroll around at dusk for a peek at what the inside of your neighbour’s house looks like. Dive into Open House Festival, a week-long event where all sorts of buildings, including residential ones, fling open their doors so we nosey souls can have a snoop around.

Free. Until 21 Sep (open-city.org)

Open your eyes to Open City (Open your eyes to Open City)
Open your eyes to Open City (Open your eyes to Open City)

THE SOUTH AMERICAN SOJOURN

Follow adventurer TV presenter Simon Reeve from steamy Venezuela through to the frozen wilds of Patagonia as he seeks answers to some of greatest challenges facing South America, spending time in his latest series with remote Amazonian tribes and Peruvian Special Forces along the way.

Simon Reeve’s South America, Sundays at 9pm on BBC2

Join Simon Reeve going down South (Join Simon Reeve going down South | Jonathan Young ITV)
Join Simon Reeve going down South (Join Simon Reeve going down South | Jonathan Young ITV)

THE BIG TWIST

While the cost-of-living crisis will have us all frozen solid this autumn, the Frieze Sculpture exhibition will have you rooted to the spot for a different reason. Showcasing the best of 19 international artists’ work, the event has been curated for the 10th year by Yorkshire Sculpture Park director, Clare Lilley. Tying in with Frieze London, Frieze Masters, Sculpture in the City and the Mayor of London’s Fourth Plinth programme, the artworks will be cropping up across Regent’s Park, as well as in Trafalgar Square and the City of London.

Free. 14 Sep to 13 Nov. Regent’s Park (frieze.com)

Do the twist at Frieze Sculpture Park (Do the twist at Frieze Sculpture Park | George Tatge)
Do the twist at Frieze Sculpture Park (Do the twist at Frieze Sculpture Park | George Tatge)

THE ALL-OVER-THE-PLACE DEBUT

The only thing that the songs on the long-awaited debut album from London duo Jockstrap — formed all the way back in 2016 — have in common is that they have nothing much in common. Entitled I Love You Jennifer B, it veers from acoustic guitar balladry to abrasive electro-pop… and that’s just the first song. There’s another called ‘Greatest Hits’. Why has no one ever thought to call a song ‘Greatest Hits’ before now?

 (Strap yourselves in for a wild ride)
(Strap yourselves in for a wild ride)