Why I don’t give my kids screen time limits
A mum has shared why she and her husband choose not to set a screen time limit for her kids and instead gives them the "independence to choose" how regularly they use technology.
Laura Melling, 35, a clinical research lead, from Leyland, Lancashire, has never limited how long her daughters, aged six and seven, can spend on their iPads.
She prefers to leave it up to them to decide if they want to play or be in front of a screen, but does ask that they leave their devices downstairs when they go up for bed.
Laura and her husband, Paul, 36, a joiner, say the girls spend around half of their spare time on screens and the other half either playing or being outside.
Advice from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) suggests that children should have TV free days, or have a two-hour limit on the time spent in front of screens.
Some experts say a limited amount of child-friendly screen time can be educational and Laura agrees that there can be some benefits of screen time, explaining that her girls often watch educational videos on YouTube.
"It's right for the kids to choose," she says of the family's decision to allow unlimited screen time. "If they want to play they can. If they want to go on iPads they can."
The mum-of-two says the family often go on trips in their caravan so the girls are able to split their time between being on screens and being outdoors. "They get a balance," she explains.
However, following a busy week of schooling the family have declared most Sundays to be "chill days" where the kids can stay in their pyjamas and be on screens all day if they choose to be. "Sunday is mainly a chill day," Laura explains. "If they wake up early they can go and get their iPad."
Like many other children, Laura's daughters also complete their homework on iPads and will often opt to watch learning videos out of choice. "Sometimes they come out with a random fact from something they've watched," she explains. "My youngest told me what oobleck is the other day. It is something which can behave like a solid or a liquid. I couldn't believe my seven year old taught me that."
Aside from screen time Laura says she also won't force her kids to finish a plate of food, instead allowing them to take a snack if they fancy something different.
She also believes in encouraging her daughters to open up to her if something is concerning them. "My seven-year-old is very emotional," she explains. "If she wants to tell me something she can ask to have a private chat. I'll drop anything - even if I'm in the middle of cooking dinner. It means she's not hiding it from me."
While Laura doesn't use a specific term to define the family's parenting style, she says she believes her decisions are characterised by the idea of being "fair" to her children. "I don't like to have a management style," she explains. "Parents who do are so strict that their kids can't breathe."
Laura often shares her views on TikTok and says she has people who don't agree with her own parenting habits, but the mum-of-two is undeterred about what strangers think of her choices. "They are my kids. I can parent them how I want," she adds.
How to manage children's screen time
Try to find a balance
It’s unrealistic to expect that children will not be exposed to screens at all, so it is important to try to find a balance. "A balanced play diet is as important to children’s social and emotional wellbeing as a good nutritional diet is to their physical health," Dr Amanda Gummer, child psychologist and founder of the Good Play Guide previously told Yahoo UK.
"Children need plenty of social, active, imaginative, free play and this is not often facilitated through screen-based activities.”
Lead by example
Experts believe parents need to set an example of healthy tech use so children understand the importance of screen-free time.
“Parents are their children’s version of normal so whatever they do, the children think is normal and even desirable behaviour, so they are likely to copy it,” digital habits researcher and King's College London academic Dr Rachael Kent previously told Yahoo UK. “Yet many adults increasingly lack the ability to switch off when so many life domains are managed via our digital devices.”
Dr Gummer suggests enforcing family breaks from screens. “Parents are their children’s version of normal so whatever they do, the children think is normal and even desirable behaviour, so they are likely to copy it," she adds.
Find an alternative activity
As opposed to offering screen time, Dr Alison McClymont suggests offering an alternative activity to do together, or asking children to suggest one. "Start a conversation about a topic you know they like - it can even be the choice of TV programme/game! Ask for help with a chore and say that screen time can happen afterwards," she says.
"Anything that draws them in to connection with another and away from a screen is a positive re-enforcement about the idea of the necessity for human interaction."
Try tech-free tools
For parents struggling to enforce screen-free time, there are some inventions to help including Tech-Break, which has been specially designed to reduce the time families collectively spend on their devices. Families decide a length of time to go ‘screen-free’ for (between one and 24 hours), place all their devices inside Tech-Break, set the timer and lock the door. Their devices will be released when the time runs out.
In addition to physical solutions, parents can also use apps and device settings to set screen time limits for themselves and their children, including reminders to take regular breaks.
Remember not all screen time is bad
In fact some digital platforms, TV programmes and games with interactive capacity can facilitate learning, socialisation and most of all fun. "So, like with most things, moderation is key," Gemma Campbell, online counsellor at mental wellbeing community, Kooth adds.
Read more about parenting:
Seven signs your child could be addicted to their mobile phone (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
Five ways parents can teach ‘kindness’ as it is named children’s word of the year (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
Talking about extreme online violence with young people: advice for parents (Guardian, 6-min read)
