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Rumer Willis is getting real about her sobriety.
During a recent interview with American Addiction Centers on Instagram Live, the 33-year-old actress, who battled with alcoholism in the past, revealed that she realized her drinking was a problem when she used it to treat panic attacks and did not recognize herself.
"When I would drink, I think obviously because it lowers your inhibitions, it gave me this false sense of confidence and I was almost using it as a tool … as a way to be this version of myself [that] I thought was smarter, funnier, more confident, more interesting," she admitted. "And it's a lie, it's completely a lie. And it's this illusion of somehow you're this magical, sparkly version of yourself when you are drinking."
Willis decided she would give "Sober January" a try and, five years later, she has not looked back.
"Part of [what kept me going] is my personality. I'm perfectionistic and so there's this part of me that was like, 'oh I have a month? Well I can't go back now.' I made it a challenge for myself," she explained.
The pressure of growing up in the public eye surely did not make her journey easy, but as the child of famous parents, actors Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Willis refuses to call herself a victim.
"I would never say, 'Oh, I've had it so much harder. People don't understand. Poor me.' I'm not a victim of my life," she said. "I've made choices like everyone else has and I've had a certain set of circumstances, I've had certain challenges. Comparison is the thief of joy. So I think if you're looking to someone else's life, trying to compare it, that's never really going to solve anything. The disturbances in my life and the upset, the disease I created with drinking, it's no one's responsibility, but my own."
Though she does not blame circumstance, she does admit there had been some challenges dealing with family drama. Famous mom Moore has been open about her struggle with her addiction to alcohol and cocaine over the years, even writing about it in her book "Inside Out." But Willis adds that there were positives with going through this with her family.
"The most amazing thing about this journey is for all of us as a family is that in a lot of ways, I feel like it has allowed for a different level and depth of communication that I don't know if necessarily we would have had otherwise. I think that the place we are in today with each other is the best place we have ever all been and something I'm so deeply grateful for," Willis said.
At the end of the day, she hopes that sharing her story will inspire others currently struggling with addiction to make outreach calls when needed, surround themselves with supportive friends and family and be compassionate with themselves. Willis also noted the best part of sobriety.
"Waking up in the morning and knowing that I will feel fine and just being engaged in all of it. Engaged in the pain, in the sadness," she said. "Being able to be present in all my feelings has affected so many areas of my life, especially even my work. I had not realized how cut off [I was]...and now I feel like a whole person, like I have this whole range of emotion, delight, anger, of sadness and I get to experience it all and I get to choose how I get to interact with all of it."